Being "Too Nice" in Dating

[Leo Gura]

3 hours ago, Kalki Avatar said:

@Leo Gura  How do you manage going Meta and at the same time dating girls, playing etc. 

Going Meta fucked up my attraction for a while. I recognize I used to be more attractive when I was ignorant. I was full of self belief and arrogance. I dont regret it, cuz I prefer truth than girls. But, since you were about to start dating, I wonder how do you manage to stay attractive and fck with your mind and reality at the same time. I went very mentally and emotionally unstable with girls when I discovered pickup and tried to do both at the same time without having any idea of what I was getting into, lol. 

I don't see what the problem is. Your spiritual work should only make you more attractive to girls. Girls love spiritual stuff.

The only issue is that as I get more spiritual I have less interest in socializing or going to clubs. But you can push yourself past that if you want.

1 hour ago, Free Mind said:

Is your inner game genuine Leo? Sometimes I fear that my self-image/concept will never reach that ideal place of true confidence because my negative self-image is soooo deeply ingrained in my psyche. When I try to do all this subconscious reprogramming stuff and visualization, the most I get is this pseudo-confidence that masks my inner anxiety and insecurities. I just can’t seem tap into genuine and authentic change. Makes me want to resort to just changing the outer (more money, gym, better clothes, etc.)...

It takes A LOT of work.

And you have to approach a lot too. Just sitting at home is not gonna build your inner game. Inner game is built by approaching 1000s of girls and building a deep base of experiences, failures, and successes.

[Leo Gura]

3 hours ago, Keyhole said:

I was recently conversing with a guy on the bus a few days ago - very cute blonde guy - gave him the wrong number.  I read  stuff like this on here, and I am reminded of how much I prefer female friendships.

A) You shouldn't be here reading these threads. These threads are not designed for you. You sit here reading this stuff and just build up an even bigger victim complex. If you don't want a player guy, there are millions of them around.

B) You're way too negative about dating. You've developed a victim complex. Stop whining about it and go date some guys with an open mind. You foolishly waste dating opportunities and then bemoan how come you're alone and can't find the right guy. Dating requires positivity and openmindedness to meeting new people. Be ware of stereotyping guys without even getting to know them. You should have said YES, gotten a coffee with him, and gotten to know him.

[Leo Gura]

@Keyhole When you create bullshit negative victim stories, the entire universe will seem to agree with you, because your mind sees whatever you're looking for.

If your mind wants to create a story that all guys are jerks, that's exactly what you will see.

[Leo Gura]

3 minutes ago, Keyhole said:

I'll keep my true story and make a false one filled with positivity and all that jazz

You've already failed.

Ain't nothing "true" about your story about men. You got bad inner game. Just like a PUA who thinks all women are sluts and whores.

[Peo]

37 minutes ago, Keyhole said:

Men and women are simply too different to get along. 

Then how did humanity survive for 200 000 years? How were we able to produce the next generation of humans if we women and men dont get along? We men and women are still part of humanity.

Edited December 5, 2020 by Peo
grammer

[ColeMC01]

@Keyhole What is wrong with pick up ? Do you even know why guys do that? Do you think most guys love putting themselves out there to be rejected and turned down by girls on a constant bases? If you girls approached more then pick up wouldn't really exist, it is designed because the guys approach and the girls accept/reject. You say guys are jerks? Well i can assure you that there are a lot of really caring cool guys but your mind is not seeing them, you are just focusing on the jerks. Personally i hate to approach girls but i have to because i cannot get a girl otherwise. That "cute pick up artist guy" could have been me you know. And it is not that i am a jerk that wants to fuck a girl every day, that is a stupid myth created by the 0.0001 percent of guys that have Youtube channels and promote products. Most guys are normal people that just want a girlfriend since it is a need most people have not transcended (if you even can). Nothing sinister or evil here, just the desire to share yourself with someone, physically, emotionally, spiritually etc.   Most guys are equally emotionally and morally mature as most girls. No gender is better than the other in terms of how they treat the other gender. Guys can manipulate, so can girls. Guys can cheat, so can girls. Guys can be heartless, so can girls. Guys can be kind and caring, so can girls. You remind me of those red pill guys that keep complaining about women because they date girls simply because of how hot they are. If you date people based on values and vibing then you will not complain about " the other gender being jerks"

Edited December 5, 2020 by ColeMC01

[Florian]

@Keyhole I sometimes read these threads on here about dating for men and I see your comments like 50% of the time. 

You seem to want to get something from dating but don't want to accept that it is a game and then just cry cause you lose and then you tell yourself and everyone here that you don't want a man and you want to die alone. 

Maybe you have shame to play the game yourself? That's a problem I have and I am male.

Edit: I guess I am actually kinda similar to you in my dating mind set. My goal is just to have sex once and then I don't want to play this game anymore. But I accept that dating is a game and that I have to play it if I want to get what I want but I just can't play it cause I fear I will hurt woman. Actually I have a lot of anger towards women, like you seem to have towards men, I hate women cause I invested so much energy into women from like 7th grade but NEVER got what I really wanted and after some time I felt like I was just used and abused by women. (the thing is I was/am super needy cause my mother is kind of a narcissist and I never got the love from her that I needed so I started to get close to girls very early) 

 

Edited December 5, 2020 by Florian

[ColeMC01]

@Keyhole Would appreciate if you actually responded to what i wrote. You can share me your story either here or in Private message if you would like to. 

I am trying to help here

[Forestluv]

@Jordan A Imagine an expert guitar player. One can be a badass during a show without being an a-hole. When the guitar solo arises, they can give an epic solo without being a narcissistic egomaniac that puts others down. And one can teach others how to play the guitar by saying “this is how you play the guitar” and do it. It can be done without negative, toxic behavior. 

[Florian]

@Keyhole Yo actually I don't think I can help you. I feel like you want to be in the situation you are in and just want to get the answers that fit your point of view.

I didn't write the first message cause I was triggered by you, I was just trying to help you but that response kinda triggered me now.

7 minutes ago, Keyhole said:

 

This energy is exactly why women feel this way.

You guys have proven my point.

I feel worried for any women then end with you three, who might at some point need to rely on you for any emotional support of any sort.

If you have a trigger reaction to me.  Look into it.  Perhaps you're not capable of making women feel safe, in which case, get off the market.  Y'all don't belong out there muddying up the waters for good men.

I think you project your bullshit mind onto me, fck off, I don't want to be judged by you. Hope you keep on living like that until you find salvation.

 

[Florian]

1 minute ago, Keyhole said:

@Florian Well, you do not deserve to be abused by women.  Most girls are looking for a nice guy to treat them well, what sort of women are you going for?  How are they mistreating you? 

 

 

Ye I know I don't deserve to be abused but what I was trying to say is that the abuse I got from my mother lead to me not being able to get what I want from other girls and that made me more and more negative until I hated women and maybe you have similar problems? Idk.

 

And now I just want a girl that is kinda attractive to have sex with once. Before I was more looking for a replacement for my mother and at the same time a girlfriend which I can have sex with but also just have a connection. But because I obviously was/am kinda fcked up psychologically from my mother that couldnt go well.

[Florian]

@Keyhole Please slay me maybe if I actually am toxic or something, that might get me out of there. 

And I don't think thats compassion, thats more like letting me suffer in my own bubble if thats actually the case and I am just not aware of it.

But it seems like you have this "compassion" for yourself and let yourself suffer in your own bubble.

 

The thing that would help you if you REALLY wanted to get out of your situation is facing the truth about dating and accepting it, but that would only help you if you REALLY wanted to get out.

If you DON'T really want to get out but stay in your miserable place, what seems to be the case to me, then the thing that would help you the most is propably facing the truth about THAT and accepting that you want to keep things the way they are. Actually that is the first step if you want to get out of the situation as well and the second step would be the above, but only after you really want to have success with love.

That's my best advice I can give you. Maybe it's wrong, decide for yourself and do what you want with it.

 

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, Keyhole said:

I don't game people, I'm just myself.

You're just gaming yourself

[Florian]

@Keyhole Ah okay, I just had this impression of you from the random comments I read from you here and there.

But if you are lying to yourself right now, you are in even deeper shit. 

[Preety_India]

@Keyhole

Be in love with a story rather than a person. 

(because you're falling in love, that's the mistake you're making) 

 

Edited December 5, 2020 by Preety_India

[Display_Name]

10 hours ago, ColeMC01 said:

@Keyhole Would appreciate if you actually responded to what i wrote. You can share me your story either here or in Private message if you would like to. 

I am trying to help here

Can’t help a victim, they cant help but dig themselves deeper into their hole no matter what you do 

[Hello from Russia]

13 hours ago, Keyhole said:

@Leo Gura I don't game people, I'm just myself.  If I superimpose something positive over it, this isn't going to be true - maybe eventually, but not initially.  My priorities may not even be right, I may not even be looking.
I've met enough men to know how they work.  Men and women are simply too different to get along.  More than likely, the person I spoke to on the bus was a pick up artist.

I think my position is: I am not looking, I never will be.  So this should be a nonissue for me and I shouldn't ever bring it up.  I'll keep my thoughts to myself.

Nooo, girl. You're gaming 24/7, it's just unconscious for you and you deny that you do

[Gesundheit]

@Keyhole I've read the comments, and jeez! People here are so misunderstanding your tenderness and giving you the wrong kind of energy.

[Gesundheit]

@Keyhole That is great! You deserve the best.

[Jordan A]

I appreciate everyone's response. With me, I went through a phase of approaching women and hitting on women pretty often for a few years, I don't think I got that good at it lol, but I think that I grew from the experience. Then I went through a phase of like not trying to date, and when I did I would be super nice to the point of not real authenticity. So now I am finding the balance. By the way, I feel like the energy in life is changing in many ways for the better. And I am really excited to get more into music and creativity and just making it happen. ☮️ ?