Why Nothingness Is "identified" With Lower Self?

[Lily273]

Dear Leo

First please accept my deepest gratitude for all your work... there is a gap , massive gap, there is theory, that can be interpreted in milloins of ways and the applications are not straight forward, and then there are the enlightened masters who speak in symbols (if they do speak) so what happens in between it seems that nobody wants to talk about... Nobody that i came across with , nobody but you, so far that i am grateful and certainly many people who folow your videos and have signed up for your book list (for which also i am so grateful, it would have been taken me ages to stumble upon all these books individually) share the same gratitude i think...

I have been pracitcing meditation but not on regular basis, for several years now, and only in the last few months started dedicating more time and doing it daily, following your self-enquiry and strong determination seating... i am also in process of doing 3-4 times a day one hour seating....  

Something happened to me when i did the neti neti with you ,,, i dont find many words to describe but there was silence the kind i have never known before, deep, veyr silent silence, silence that felt like i needed and wanted so much, perhaps my mind stopped thinking for fraction of a second, in any case, it rendered everything else i have experienced so far a bit pointless, so that now i am less and less focused on what i would pursue in the past... ?..

My mind keeps going over your words, and yes i know you may say that the mind cant comprehend this things, but for now thats the only tool i have and thinking is the only thing i know... 

You say i am nothingness.... that contains space and time.. . this means me and you and everyone else is the same nothingness so there is no distinction between me Lily and pretty much everything else around me ... and that the nothingness which is constant was there before the body as i know it and identify with started its existence,,, so why is the nothingness linked/attached to this particual self/body/entity? why is it that the nothingness that i am is perceiving things through this particular Lily the person ? if i am to my body the same as to a coffee table, then why is it that an assigning/identifying to this particular body took place? ... 

i am trying to keep my mind open for this possibility and just contemplate or go in silence with it... what helps is that i go back to moments from childhood, something very vividly stuck with me, in kindergarten when i wasnt allowed to go out of the balcony there was this overwhelming sense of ability to hover/fly/disperse in space but frustration that i was somehow contained in this body, the first time i looked at my own legs, as i was putting on a colourful leggings i was given, i have realised that ohh so these are my legs, this is me? it felt scary and alien and ver often as a child i would look in the mirror and not buy into that this is me.. perhaps these are just childish nonsense, but it helps to present to my mind an alternative scenario that i did have some 32 years ago of what i was, and the no identification of the body....

Apologies for the long post, please , pleasee kindly make a video of where you share your thoughts on the WHYs which nobody addresses, i know that the masters generic answer is somethign along the lines of - the WHY isnt important or that the WHY is created by the ego, or that knowing the WHY will not give me anything, but these sound more like people avoding to share their thoughts, afterall theres no harm in contemplating and trying to understand why ... and yes sure understand is the wrong word again... 

PLease tell us why do you think the nothingness that is our true nature, gets assigned/identified into the little individual small letter selves where each one is different but in reality everything is one and the same?

 

Thank you so much for your time

and for everything