Cynicism

[Origins]

@28 cm unbuffed Cynicism is like a mosquito sucking your life force instead its happening to you psychically based on the beliefs you've formed about the world. Imagine everyone had this kind of attitude, if that were the case that would mean that in this particular reality your mentality was the reason why the world was fucked. So be a part of the change, if you want to, otherwise don't expect to be helped much by a world you have no strong desire to help. Entitlement created women pretending to be beautiful instagram models so they could be famous then leading to them being exposed by savvy YouTube people, this teaches one to not start a YouTube channel unless your heart is in the right place otherwise you deserve what's coming.

Sincerely, wishing you much love to climb out of the hole you've created for yourself to lie in like an old person that jumped into the grave before their coffin was already made. Imagine that every time you allowed the cynicism to consume you was like that psychic energy being sucked from living your life and a pile of dirt being piled on top of you lying in the ground in some blind stupor convinced that you were actually instead in your living room playing your favourite video game that gave you illusory life achievement points that would give you the confidence to approach the girl/person you like but never happens because when it comes to doing it you realise you're just an overweight video game addict that she'd eventually get sick of and get dumped by, IF, she'd even ever say yes. Next scoop of dirt piled on. Then the next. It's an endless loop I know what its like, do what you can to develop the courage you need to become the inspirational life force you were intended to be, or maybe I'm wrong, that's for you to decide.

 

Edited November 29, 2020 by Origins

[kbone]

@28 cm unbuffed

Not to sound to other worldish, but it's likely you're starting to go through a rebirth of sorts, into a life more aligned with your true nature, which is part of the original Greek school of the Cynics.

"As reasoning creatures, people can gain happiness by rigorous training and by living in a way which is natural for themselves, rejecting all conventional desires for wealth, power, and fame. Instead, they were to lead a simple life free..."

I'm not serving up any forms of practice or saying you must go through austerities, but you may find any number of them useful to varying degrees, depending on your temperament, desires, addiction to thinking, sense of sanity, etc. Ones conditioned thinking is "the web" that you are caught in; it's a closed-system structure with a belief in an illusionary "I/self" around, for and to which all things appear and/or happen.

So, you've mentioned "doing stuff all the time", and you seem to notice that this keeps you out of your head where all the pattern of said structure start to congeal, thus forming the repetitive senses of being trapped or imprisoned, looking for a way out of the mindscape you've seemingly found your self "in". Does that sound about right?

Do you think it is possible to Realize Oneness with/as the Consciousness in which all the above is happening? I do not mean to "understand" it as a theory of some sort (which is born of the mind), but to truly Realize and be unshakeable (which is unborn/prior to mind).

 

Note: If this all sounds like gibberish to you and/or you think I may be messing with your head, just let me know. I'm attempting to throw a bucket of ice water on you, or at least get a coordinate on where you are in there.... Matrix style, hehe.

 

Disclaimer: I am not a teacher, but I may be able to motivate you or piss you off just enough to get off your ass and make the next step ?. You need to unlearn what your conditioned mind (i.e., your past) is telling you. The mind can be a wonderful tool, but it makes a terrible master.

 

Edited November 29, 2020 by kbone

[28 cm unbuffed]

@kbone

Yeah, I thought it will be faster, but it took almost a year and it's not over yet, I mean dark night of the soul and spiritual awakening now (the rebirth part). I'm totally cut off the "Matrix", meaning - the society (my old self was glorifying rappers, watching porn and Twitch. gamers streams, smoking cigarettes, weed, playing video games, and all of these patterns and addictions seem to go away on after the other).

I was making myself busy all the time, but it was all very curative and needed. My spiritual awakening was connected to almost a psychosis experience and it triggered PTSD, I got psychopath (a "friend") and whore (a girl) Christ-style treatment (Juda and Mary Magdalene, hello there) to finally wake me up, that was really something.

Being busy pulled me away from all of the negative thoughts, purified anger, healed emotions in my body, etc, I really needed that to get off the thinking. I do more and more every day to get into I AM state permanently. 

About realizing Oneness - IDK how is that different from I AM / flow state, never experienced it, but I think being in a flow is curative and for sure a good thing. 

I love when somebody triggers something in me, if you break my ego and make me angry, that will for sure motivate me to work harder.

 

[28 cm unbuffed]

@Origins

Yeah, just today I realized I might be just addicted to playing video games, I mean - I knew that before, I wasted to much time for that shit, but it took a personality shift and changing self-beliefs and self-worth issues to finally break that free. All of the solutions will not help you if you will not collect enough "karma", enough "xp" to level up, and I needed that to get to the next "chapter". Funny that life really works that way, you can call it "rewiring", self-worth, etc, but the reality is just a game and you need to do what you feel is right every day, grind and then you change and your reality changes too. 

[Origins]

@28 cm unbuffed You have to rip your being out of your skull if you really want to live, look at everyone else who is doing that (meaning almost no one) I swear I'm surprised most of these people around me can even use their eyes to see where they're going. Once your being is out of your skull its got no distorting beliefs to cling to, you're just a wild consciousness ready to make something of this time you have left on this planet (in this particular physical body).

And make sure you learn to feel your body, and I don't mean a little nor do I mean with any videos playing in the background. Go into yourself and feel your entire being like you've never felt before, this body that you've had ever since you were born. How much time have you actually spent feeling into all of its energetic fields? It's no wonder you've experienced getting stuck in your head forming distorting views of reality, those energies have been brought up into your mind swirling opinions that aren't even really your own they're just thoughts interacting with an energy field you haven't paid enough attention to.

This is your body, treat it will but the first step to doing so is feeling into everything like the universe depended on it to create the hypothetical Big Bang to begin the universe (not saying this is how it begun), you have to wake up the stallion that's been whipped by societies bullshit for however many decades you've lived and then rein him in with your sense and expansion of consciousness through a contractive force that is simultaneously waking up everything you are and everything  you've ever been but never knew it! Break out of the narratives of the mind and break into yourself to free yourself from what becomes a self inflicted trauma the more we don't notice that and maybe many mosquitos our body has just become impervious too not because we've become stronger but because the sensitivity of our body has shrunk enormously.

Best.

[kbone]

@28 cm unbuffed

No one can say when/if such a process will ever end. Would you say you are still disoriented right now, as in you have woken up and are free and just don't know what to do? Or do you feel like you're still in the painful rebirth process?

I am curious, because you state you "try to do" things to get to or stay in a certain state; whereas, Realization might be more akin to "already HERE", and all is arising, nowhere to go to get HERE.

Just note:  Consciousness (with capital C) is distinguished from consciousness in how I might chat about it. The former can only be Realized; whereas, the latter is a conceptual term that has various meanings attached to it like sleep/waking states or studies in Western science, etc. In how I'd point to it, when Consciousness is realized, there is no self... and that can really be destabilizing to the mind, where the ego is housed as a structure of thought. This is why I'm pinging you to find out what it is that you are working with. Often, peeps try to make sense of pretty profound realizations with the mind, and it just gets whacky, more confusing and things can go south pretty quickly. If that's the case, it can be important to distinguish and/or bring into greater clarity that there is a movement in/as Consciousness prior to it touching the mind where Oneness is bifurcated (duality). You're not crazy, but 99.5+% of humanity will not understand WTF you're on about, and that's not their "fault per se, but it ain't going to help you out to see them rolling their eyes at you.

Realization is like Knowing that there is only THIS (Consciousness with what is happening, including all thoughts arising, in/as Consciousness) and not identifying with any of it, but still able to freely interact via the individuated dream character (the previously identified self). ~ kinda weird, I know... It's so simple and plain that the mind/ego selfplex rejects such a notion, as it alludes to its non/illusionary existence. But, it's basically what Jesus reportedly pointed to when he said, "I and the Father are One"... kind of nonduality in cultural terms present at that time. No one can say what Truth is or how to get there... a little touch of grace is sometimes referred to as being "necessary", so the general idea of meditation might be to make oneself prone. But, in the end, there's no real cause-effect relationship that "one can do to make it happen".

I AM would be similar, but for the sake of discussion, maybe we can think of it as just a very subtle sense Being as presence, but not quite Knowing... just the sensory with a slight tinge of self awareness. Maybe one can think of it as feeling around the imagined edges of existing. Seems like one would likely have taken the conscious choice to meditate into this state.

Flow consciousness is a state most anyone has experienced. There is no self awareness as one is totally enmeshed within the flow of consciousness, likely through an activity or a spontaneous flow in nature or something. Athletes, drivers, doctors, teachers, anyone can slip into this state, and there is plenty of research that kind zones in on this. There is no real "training" or seeking or whatever really required.

When you say "curative", are you alluding to like a healing process that might be playing out?

 

Edited November 29, 2020 by kbone

[28 cm unbuffed]

@Origins Damn dude, that's poetry right there. I am getting there, as I said, I currently work on getting into I AM state permamently.

@kbone  There was a rude awakening at one moment and now I'm constantly removing "bad" things from my life, one after the other after the other, day after day. It's not painful, it's smooth and gentle, awakenings are emotional, they bring tears, releases are coming and going.

About trying to get to the state of doing things, it's paradoxical, because to get into that state, I first have to let go of control and it just gets me.

I said it's curative because it makes my see my character from distance more and more and to change my image, where before my mind was playing tricks on me, looking for excuses for every negative behaviour.

 

 

[kbone]

@28 cm unbuffed

Yes, keep in mind that whatever is paradoxical is born of the rational mind. To settle into that might loosen up the insight that puts mind out front. Typically, people think realizations are "of the mind", but the realizations are prior to mind... true Intelligence~Consciousness.

 

Yes, mind can be a trickster, but mostly because it has ruled the roost for your entire life.... from/as an illusionary center we often call the ego. Ever found one?

The whole act of the search is carried out to find what is ACTUALLY looking.  --> ACTUAL SOURCE

Edited November 30, 2020 by kbone

[28 cm unbuffed]

Ok, quick update. I found something that REALLY excites me and gives me tears. Moving to NYC. Fuck everything else. I want to move to USA, right now. I have no idea how to do it, but I have to and I will do it. FUUARKKK

[kbone]

@28 cm unbuffed

Awesome to hear of your impetus for change. Be aware that the whole immigration thingy in the US is a mess right now, so it may take some time and patience.

That said, start doing the needed research/online digging to see what ducks you'll need to line up. Plus, make sure to see if NYC is the place you really wanna go, but yeah, not saying you shouldn't. Opportunity is where you find it, and clarity is what it is.

Persist.

[mmKay]

@28 cm unbuffed you will not escape this feeling of nihilism until you shift your driving motivation from being logic / rationallity to FEELING. 

You feel "nilihistic" because the vast majority of humanity is wired to be hyper-logical and expect logical rational anwsers to the purpose and meaning of life. You expect a goal, an archivement or an experience to fulfill you and make you happy. You feel that you have to do x y z because it will give you a reward, and the reward is suposed to be meaningful and fulfilling to you. 

Vast majority of humanity is autistic in that sense. And I do not use this term in a pejorative way. It's simply the perfect description of that hyper-logical condition. 

Or at least it seems to be the perfect description of the condition from the other end, once you shift to Feeling over Thinking and analyzing. 

Check my old posts if you want a more in depth explanation. I went over this like a dozen of times already. 

 

 

[kbone]

@mmKay

9 minutes ago, mmKay said:

@28 cm unbuffed you will not escape this feeling of nihilism until you shift your driving motivation from being logic / rationallity to FEELING. 

You feel "nilihistic" because the vast majority of humanity is wired to be hyper-logical and expect logical rational anwsers to the purpose and meaning of life. You expect a goal, an archivement or an experience to fulfill you and make you happy. You feel that you have to do x y z because it will give you a reward, and the reward is suposed to be meaningful and fulfilling to you. 

Vast majority of humanity is autistic in that sense. And I do not use this term in a pejorative way. It's simply the perfect description of that hyper-logical condition. 

Or at least it seems to be the perfect description of the condition from the other end, once you shift to Feeling over Thinking and analyzing. 

Check my old posts if you want a more in depth explanation. I went over this like a dozen of times already. 

 

 

True, a new physical location is not THE answer (not that there really is one), because wherever one goes, there one is.... and one generally has WAY TOO MUCH unconscious baggage, hehe.

That said, a new environment can help loosen up the mind a little, though it won't necessarily be the work of consciously transcending it.

 

[The_Alchemist]

Train your body, you can meet new people at the gym.

Read something and learn something every day.

Help one person per day.

Beyond that I'd suggest wandering around your city, go into some art galleries, go into some antique shops, just in general go outside and talk to people. You'll make friends that way and in any case practice your social skills.

[28 cm unbuffed]

@kbone

Yes, I am working on that just right now. I tried to visualised, that I live in NYC right now and how I would feel there. Strong sense of being here and now arose from that, I was observing every detail, I was very aware of everything and everything around me seemed more valuable. I will train that feeling more and more eveyday (to feel better and be more in NOW, and also - feeling gets you in the direction of geting what you want, so, it's a win-win)

[kbone]

@28 cm unbuffed

 

That is an aspect of tuning into "being in the flow", which the psych may be registering as being "enough of an expansion" for right now.

I don't know where you live in Poland, but having worked through this mind-body's own Eastern European Catholic heritage's constraints, it may be that you are attracted to the potentials for expansion that you feel your present physical/cultural conditions are not fertile ground for.

I don't know; I'm just throwing it out there for your consideration.

There will be twists and turns as minds go, but your working toward the realization that the NOW is actually within THAT which you are. (Tat Tvam Asi)

 

Persist.

[mmKay]

@28 cm unbuffed Good luck, but what the vibe I get from you is that you will have to suffer way more for way longer to finally crack up and transcend the "nihilism problem".

I just wanted to put in your awareness that it is possible to live through an entire life, all 80+ years, without handling this issue, simply by not dealing with it directly, avoiding looking inward and distracting yourself with other aspects of life. 

Not adressing the issue is one way. You will be dragging it for the rest of your days but it is a way.