Panic After Just A Few Questions

[Tim2374]

I tried self-inquiry two times the last days and without a real enlightenment experience i got huge panic and anxiety the more concrete I questioned myself. I’m already scared without an enlightenment experience. Maybe my ego has more fear of death than usual? I notice on a daily basis that my ego protects itself more than usual. I get highly neurotic and anxious in topics like diseases for example. Should i fix that first or should i stay on track towards enlightenment? Because if I’m already scared just after a few questions of self-inquiry work, then probably it will be particularly difficult for me to handle enlightenment experiences?

Edited September 9, 2016 by Tim2374

[abrakamowse]

Enlightenment is not difficult, what is difficult for us is not to get attached to those fears. We take those fears as is "our" fear.

It is not. It's just fear manifesting, you can observe it and let it go. It doesn't have power on you. I know this is easier said and done, I am actually having some fear problems. We are moved by fear and not by love.

My way to deal with that is to do mindful meditation, where you just observe your thoughts but without getting attached to them.

This with practice will give you a "separation" between you and the thoughts so you will be able to feel the fear but not be scared by it, because is just a feeling. Nothing bad is going to happen.

Check Leo's video about mindful meditation. If you want I send you the link later.

[philosogi]

@Tim2374 I had this too. It's not "you" getting the panic/anxiety. It's your ego, which is afraid that its identity is going to be dismantled. Be kind to your ego but don't let it run the show. Mine is like a small child wanting recognition, that tries to play the victim so that it can feel entitled to certain treatment etc... Different people's egos are different sizes and are triggered by different subjects, and end up that way from different histories (genetic and environmental). I thought it would useful to understand why my ego behaved like it did, and I ended up getting stuck in victimhood for several months. It was an icky icky gross place to be.

My whole state of anxiety lasted for years (I've been doing gradual and gentle self-inquiry since I was a child, but really ramped it up a few years ago) and it's only when it got too unbearable that I was able to move on to the next step. So welcome the anxiety because you can learn from it. 

Don't worry that you won't be able to handle an enlightenment experience. You will only get there when you're ready. You won't be able to get there if there's fear. 

You could do more research about the things that give you anxiety if they're concrete like disease. Perhaps having a deep understanding of disease will make it less mysterious and therefore less scary.