What's the point in relationships?

[Red-White-Light]

3 hours ago, Byun Sean said:

worst. Maybe if you have a 40 year marriage that ends in divorce it may take 6 months. But I guarantee if you worked your ass off at a relationship for 

40 years those 40 years of growth will be well worth the 6 months of sadness.

@Byun Sean Will it be worth half your assets also?

[Heaven]

With this beliefs I totally understand why you don’t want to get into a relationship..

You probably didn’t have a good example in your life for a happy and healthy relationship.

We are complete and incomplete in a sense. The Ying and Yang. I feel that life is much more interesting with some feminine energy by my side.

[Gesundheit]

Logically, what's the point in anything?

[Byun Sean]

8 hours ago, Red-White-Light said:

@Byun Sean Will it be worth half your assets also?

no one said you need to share your finances in marriage

[Sine]

If relationships are where things get difficult for you, then that is exactly where you should go to develop yourself. It doesn't have to be with another human. My dog is my biggest teacher But seriously. Every relationship short or long, deep or shallow, can teach you something about yourself - which is GOD which is the universe which is reality which is the truth which is you. Try to see yourself through the eyes of the other person. 

[bejapuskas]

On 26. 11. 2020 at 9:16 PM, Red-White-Light said:

Relationships often require lots of work and sacrifice, which is something that I don't have a lot of time to do and, if you choose the wrong partner you ruin your life.

This literally applies to everything, in order to do something, you sacrifice something else, and making the wrong sacrifices and dedications can ruin your life. It's not like you are escaping that by being single.

On 26. 11. 2020 at 9:16 PM, Red-White-Light said:

Human nature is egoic, and focused on self interest. You will most likely be abused, and taken advantage of. 

Fearing that somebody will use you can be the greatest predictor of that happening.

On 26. 11. 2020 at 9:16 PM, Red-White-Light said:

Most people choose to move on to someone else, if better opportunity presents itself

Most people aren't capable of real love. 

If there is a better opportunity for them and you truly love them, why wouldn't you allow that? Also why not try to create that opportunity for others and yourself? 

On 26. 11. 2020 at 9:16 PM, Red-White-Light said:

You're going to die and you might as well enjoy as much or your life as possible, instead of getting involved in ape living.

You can find much deeper love in other areas of life.

So what is that thing that you do instead of relationships and having kids that fulfills you? Can you name one thing from your life now?

[Nahm]

@Red-White-Light

Do you want a relationship? 

[Red-White-Light]

@Nahm Not a low consciousness one.

[Nahm]

@Red-White-Light Try a dreamboard. Filling it with wanted can help snap us out of lulls of unwanted. 

[bejapuskas]

@Red-White-Light  Don't be so quick to judge social life, it can make you grow like anything else and you can enjoy it.

[Strangeloop]

I agree with the above. Sure relationships has its downsides, but the upside is that it has upsides.

[Preety_India]

1 minute ago, Keyhole said:

They are pointless.  If you don't want one, don't get into one.

I have made a vow not to ever get into one, esp after watching my family struggle with theirs, and pretty much anyone else I have met has has felt it was more trouble than worth it, or it ended.  None of mine have left me better off.

They are such a risk.  They can damage your spiritual progress.

Oh wow you're right on so many levels.. A lot of people might arrow you down as being pessimistic or say stuff like "hey its not the same for everyone" but don't be misled, you're right that relationships can be so scary and bottle up your emotional and spiritual progress, it's a facade to make the ego feel better the way one might feel with a bowl of ice cream, relationships are nice only as long as they are nice and you're not wasting too much time, but as soon as you realize they are dragging you down, best is to exit and find better things to do in life which by the way give amazing results. 

Your reply was so on point and practical /pragmatic. Each word was gold. 

[Preety_India]

@Keyhole  I have the same rule. 

Glad to know. 

 

[mandyjw]

 

15 minutes ago, Keyhole said:

It's true, and you have no way of knowing if they will change over time into someone worse.  And people change over time, so there is no guarantee of anything, you can't grow from the uncertainty of other people, only from certainty within yourself.

Certainty in oneself is death though, and not even a peaceful death but such a struggle to maintain. If we weren't trying so hard to be a someone, would we be so bothered if other people change? Or if they don't change? What would be our reference point? 

I sometimes think that we forget that we put so much drama into relationships only because we have the privilege of doing so. Way back when survival was harder, you had to work together or you died. There wasn't time to bicker at your husband for looking at Mary's ass, if you didn't help him shovel a path to the barn so the cows could be milked you were a goner. We could build something really great if we weren't still looking for fires to put out all the time. 

[Preety_India]

8 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

There wasn't time to bicker at your husband for looking at Mary's ass, if you didn't help him shovel a path to the barn so the cows could be milked you were a goner.

Well that's a recipe for putting up with emotional abuse. 

Sorry women did that for a really long time. Give women a break. They have a heart that beats and not just a stomach to feed. 

You forgot that women can feed themselves now and don't need to lick a man's ass to get by through life. 

If survival was meant to sabotage your emotional health, it's no good either way. Who wants to be in an emotional prison for life? 

Most people who aren't  happy don't do well in life even if their survival is secured. 

Tell that to a kidnapped victim how to obey the kidnapper. 

Give me freedom or give me death. Your golden cage, I don't want. 

 

[mandyjw]

@Preety_India It's not emotional abuse if a guy looks at another woman. I'm just pointing out that our minds have the tendency to create drama when there isn't any, or even to attract real drama and emotional abuse when we aren't focused on working toward what we want instead. This is one of the first times in history where women have real choice, and where survival isn't a huge all consuming concern. My own parents lived in some pretty extreme survival conditions, they built a log cabin together by themselves in the middle of the woods, dug their own well and lived there the first few years of their life together. I don't think a lot of couples today really learn how to work together when they don't have to. My dog was bred to hunt birds, so he instinctually knows how to catch one without me needing to teach him how. Our minds are trained to look for problems, but now in a safe environment without bears and blizzards and poison ivy, we hyper focus and pick at our partners instead. What kind of life could we create if we saw and complimented each other's strengths and dreamed and schemed together instead? 

Edited December 1, 2020 by mandyjw

[Michael569]

Can you envision yourself being in your 60s and completely alone? Your parents will be dead and your siblings living their own lives as well as all your mates. If that thought sits just right with you then relationships are not for you. 

For most people having other people that you can share this wonderful experience called life makes it worth it. It is not about them fulfilling your needs and deficiencies in a sort of neurotic way that you see in most relationship. It goes deeper than that. If you have never been in truly fulfilling and mutually growing relationship you wouldn't understand what I am talking about. 

[Preety_India]

@mandyjw what a  naive thing to say. One day the guy will look at another woman. Next day he will sleep with her. 

Creating drama out of nothing is one thing. But that's not the point. Those people who create drama out of nothing can never be productive. 

Being oblivious to the drama of life is another.. If someone is doing wrong in a relationship, pointing it out is not drama, but pointing it out means you opt for a healthier relationship. 

And you absolutely deserve a healthy relationship no matter what Era or country you live in. 

 

[mandyjw]

24 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

@mandyjw what a  naive thing to say. One day the guy will look at another woman. Next day he will sleep with her. 

I'm not even bisexual and I love looking at women. I love the female form. Maybe it's from art class and doing portraiture? I don't know. It goes to reason that men especially do also? And sometimes it's actually innocent? Is that weird? 

For sure, if you're being cheated on and it's not dealt with then you aren't safe in a relationship. But people often get so worried about partners cheating that they actually drive their partners to cheat, because you can't honestly feel connection with someone who is suspicious of you all the time. If I tell my 4 year old to not take a cookie from the cookie jar 20 times a day should really I expect her not to, or should I expect her to take the cookie? 

35 minutes ago, Keyhole said:

I can see your point, and I hope to integrate it someday, but I don't agree with people who are in survival mode being less drama oriented.  I am in survival mode all the time, and am very drama oriented.  I think that people who are in those situations cause the most drama.  Perhaps it is misplaced bullshit?  I don't know if just being in a period of intense communal work is key to a good relationship, but I don't know what would be better tbh.

Yeah, I think the value is in seeing that we're still stuck in survival mode as a default, when really life is actually pretty amazing and we're missing the gift and not seeing the full potential. 

[Preety_India]

7 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

. If I tell my 4 year old to not take a cookie from the cookie jar 20 times a day should really I expect her not to, or should I expect her to take the cookie? 

I get what you mean. But that's just a case of paranoia. My mom used to often not trust me at all and repeat the same thing nearly 10 times and more. But people like my mom are too invested in the drama aspects of things rather than trying to get along and make good things happen. 

I sort of misunderstood you a bit but I get your point. 

If I say that relationships are no good, because I was simply getting messed up with little insignificant things then my take would be born out of immaturity. 

But if I say relationships are not worthy because I saw a sizable chunk of my life lost sorting through it, mending it or hopelessly jumping through hoops only to land on a hard floor breaking my knees, then I'd be much wiser to stay out of relationships altogether. 

 

Edited December 1, 2020 by Preety_India