What's the point in relationships?

[Red-White-Light]

What's the point in a relationship?

1. It doesn't make sense to tie have a relationship from a sexual point of view, because you can take care of all your sexual needs by yourself. You literally do not need to have sex, it's not a necessity. 
2. Relationships often require lots of work and sacrifice, which is something that I don't have a lot of time to do and, if you choose the wrong partner you ruin your life.
3. People become emotionally attached to their relationships. Why does someone need to be in your life to make you feel happy or not alone? 
4. You have children which is a huge burden of responsibility, which you have to wake up to each day, and it gets in the way.
5. Human nature is egoic, and focused on self interest. You will most likely be abused, and taken advantage of. 
6. Most people will have affairs in a relationships
7. Most people choose to move on to someone else, if better opportunity presents itself.
8. Most people aren't capable of real love. 
9. You're going to die and you might as well enjoy as much or your life as possible, instead of getting involved in ape living.
10. You can find much deeper love in other areas of life.

[JosephKnecht]

If traditional relationships don't suit you, you are free to have new kinds of relationships. 

You can try to have a relationship with yourself. Try not to screw up that one too bad.  

You can have relationships with some other people you like.

Having a relationship is like getting on a ship. You know that eventually, you will come back to land, but you know that all the adventure happens on the water.  

[Red-White-Light]

5 minutes ago, JosephKnecht said:

Having a relationship is like getting on a ship. You know that eventually, you will come back to land, but you know that all the adventure happens on the water.  

You don't know that, you believe that. Ships can sink.

[F A B]

@Red-White-Light Are you finding excuses to not invest in a relationship or are you genuinely expressing your disinterest in having one?

[Red-White-Light]

@F A B These are my arguments against relationships and I want to see if there are logical reasons why I might be wrong. Not excuses, just reasons not to invest.

Edited November 26, 2020 by Red-White-Light

[F A B]

If you are looking for logical reasons, then you will never get into a relationship ahaha

It's beyond that.

[Red-White-Light]

8 minutes ago, F A B said:

It's beyond that.

Romantic love is far behind Absolute Love.

[F A B]

7 minutes ago, Red-White-Light said:

Romantic love is far behind Absolute Love.

It's not behind, it's a subset of Absolute Love.

Edited November 26, 2020 by F A B

[Red-White-Light]

@F A B I think romantic love is more to do with survival and sexual reproduction than absolute love.

[Nahm]

4 hours ago, Red-White-Light said:

What's the point in a relationship?

Fun. Co-creating. 

Quote

1. It doesn't make sense to tie have a relationship from a sexual point of view, because you can take care of all your sexual needs by yourself. You literally do not need to have sex, it's not a necessity. 

Why limit thinking to need based perspectives? Why not experience what you want? 

Quote

1. Relationships often require lots of work and sacrifice, which is something that I don't have a lot of time to do and, if you choose the wrong partner you ruin your life.

A ‘ruined life’ is always up to the liver of it. It’s perspectival. The having of a relationship does not dictate that it is work or sacrifice. That’s always up to you just like it is now. Nothing is known about experience, without the experience. 

Quote

1. People become emotionally attached to their relationships. Why does someone need to be in your life to make you feel happy or not alone? 

You can be crazy happy alone, not alone, in a relationship, or not. If it’s wanted, have one. If it’s not, don’t. You can be in a relationship, and still spend time alone anytime you want to. This is really about one’s attachment or not to thought, not to actual objects / people. That factor is the same for every individuation, wether in a relationship or not. A solid case could be made it’s far easier to learn this through the very experience, like everything else. 

Quote

1. You have children which is a huge burden of responsibility, which you have to wake up to each day, and it gets in the way.

Don’t have kids with that attitude. No argument there.  

Quote

1. Human nature is egoic, and focused on self interest. You will most likely be abused, and taken advantage of. 

If you allow it. 

Quote

1. Most people will have affairs in a relationships
2. Most people choose to move on to someone else, if better opportunity presents itself.
3. Most people aren't capable of real love. 

Most people deflect, project, and assume their thought of something is pretty much the same as the experience. Most people are stuck in their past / attached to thoughts. But most people have nothing to do with you. 

Quote

1. You're going to die and you might as well enjoy as much or your life as possible, instead of getting involved in ape living.

Yes. A relationship is definitely not for you at this point in your life. Given your current outlook and who that would attract, you’d be miserable. Self-love, then reconsider if you even are wanting to. If you even want to.

Quote

1. You can find much deeper love in other areas of life.

Compare experience, not thoughts about it. 

[The0Self]

2 hours ago, Red-White-Light said:

Romantic love is far behind Absolute Love.

But they're both beyond logic.

[soos_mite_ah]

5 hours ago, Red-White-Light said:

What's the point in a relationship?

1. It doesn't make sense to tie have a relationship from a sexual point of view, because you can take care of all your sexual needs by yourself. You literally do not need to have sex, it's not a necessity. 
2. Relationships often require lots of work and sacrifice, which is something that I don't have a lot of time to do and, if you choose the wrong partner you ruin your life.
3. People become emotionally attached to their relationships. Why does someone need to be in your life to make you feel happy or not alone? 
4. You have children which is a huge burden of responsibility, which you have to wake up to each day, and it gets in the way.
5. Human nature is egoic, and focused on self interest. You will most likely be abused, and taken advantage of. 
6. Most people will have affairs in a relationships
7. Most people choose to move on to someone else, if better opportunity presents itself.
8. Most people aren't capable of real love. 
9. You're going to die and you might as well enjoy as much or your life as possible, instead of getting involved in ape living.
10. You can find much deeper love in other areas of life.

1. Yeah you can take care of all of your sexual needs yourself with bare minimum masturbation, but that won't necessarily lead to a more fulfilling experience. Technically, I can fulfill all of my caloric needs with crappy food and get my vitamins through supplements but that doesn't mean I won't enjoy the experience of taking care of my needs through cooking and having a good meal. 

2. That's why you need to be careful with who you bring into your life. The right person can also help you become a better person. It's ok that you don't want a relationship right now or if you don't have the time. To each their own. 

3. You can be in a relationship and not be attached to the hip with the other person. It isn't healthy to rely on one person for your happiness any way. That isn't a problem with relationships, that attitude is a problem with the individual. It is basically codependency. That isn't normal for relationships. 

4. I'm not pro having kids either. And I do believe that people often have kids for messed up reasons. But there are healthy reasons for wanting a kid such as wanting a new challenge and wanting to pour your love into raising someone.  

5-9: I think you have a lot of limiting beliefs around relationships and other people as a whole. A conscious, healthy relationship is possible and is more common than you might think. If you are concerned with abuse, learn to find red flags and heal from the normalized toxic behaviors/ attitudes in your life that likely came from your childhood. If you're concerned about cheating, I mean it does happen but it's not something that will happen super frequently unless there is a deeper unaddressed issue at play. If you're concerned with people moving on, there is nothing wrong with that. Sometimes relationships have run their course and it isn't anyone's fault. It's simply a part of dating and connecting to people. It honestly sounds like there is a lot of pain wrapped up in that point. If you're concerned with people not being capable of real love, I will object to that. Sure there may be a gradient to the amount of "real love" that they can give to someone but that doesn't mean they can't love. Other people are still part of absolute love. And in regards to #9, relationships can provide a lot of joy in your life. It doesn't have to be ape living. It only becomes that way when you're an ape because odds are you're attracting other apes. If you raise your consciousness, you will eventually attract people on your level. People tend to date their equals in terms of consciousness imo. 

10. @F A B mentioned that relationships can be a facet of absolute love. I know you mentioned that relationships are greatly a survival strategy and that can be true but even then it is a facet of absolute love. Absolute love also includes the ego and the desire to survive. I do agree to a certain extent that you can find deeper love in other areas in life and I encourage people to do that since it isn't healthy to go all in on one aspect of life, but I will also say that you can also find a lot of love in relationships as well so it shouldn't be completely written off even if you can get love from other areas as well. 

Edited November 27, 2020 by soos_mite_ah

[Preety_India]

@Red-White-Light  relationships are way too complicated to be defined under such narrow lens. 

I understand your negative outlook on relationships because you see all these problems. 

Well, it's a matter of choice. 

Sometimes being in a relationship makes you feel so good that the feeling can last forever. It's a permanent dopamine. 

It's your game. You decide whether you like it or not.if you don't see any benefit I suggest you live single and invest your time in other fulfilling things that make you feel happy 

Relationship is not everyone's cup of tea. And it won't be worth it if it's much pain and less happiness. 

There is no absolute way of looking at relationships. Just like there is no absolute way of looking at life. 

For some life is a struggle and not worth anything. For others life is a joy ride and they are too happy to be alive and living. 

So really it differs from person to person. 

Someone who is extremely happy in their relationship right now might look at it like some jackpot lottery and completely disagree with you. 

But then again heaven or hell, nothing lasts forever. Some people want the taste of heaven even if it's for  1 day. They are fine if the relationship ended the next day. 

One person's heaven is another person's hell. 

You pick what you want. If you think risking your heart for one experience is too bad, then it's up to you. 

But if you think that a relationship no matter how bad or short lived is worth the risk then you would take it just to get a taste. 

But one thing is true - relationships whether good or bad are great experiences. 

And experience is king. It teaches you like no other. 

 

[Red-White-Light]

@Preety_India Yes, I don't think relationships are for me personally. More of a coffee drinker myself.

[Roy]

1. Sex with someone else, especially someone that you love and loves you, is way better than any sex you could give yourself. Proof? Go have sex with someone.

2. True, but there are benefits as well for the things you sacrifice. Emotional understanding, sharing of experiences, growing together, etc.

3. Agree with this, don't really have a counter-point. Plenty of people are social though and get happiness and joy from others. Not everyone has the capacity for that introversion.

4. lol too bad? That's the cost of having children. You literally create a life and have the responsibility of taking care of it. You don't get to have your cake and eat it too.

5. It could happen, it could also not happen.

6. Refer to #5.

7. Refer to #5

8. You don't know that. You are not omniscient.

9. Before enlightenment - chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment - chop wood, carry water.

10. You can also find deep love in relationships.

I get your hang ups and your perspective, but it also just sounds like you have an axe to grind with relationships because of a bad experience, or are simply looking at things too logically and autistic-like. Relationships are based a lot around emotion and intuition. Not everything can be reduced down to X's and O's. You think you are pointing out the ego and selfishness of something here but you are also approaching the problem from the same nature.

Your whole language here has an aura of talking about the subject like it's pure exchanges. Of course there are many more dynamics at play here.

Edited November 27, 2020 by Roy

[Red-White-Light]

7 minutes ago, Roy said:

1. Sex with someone else, especially someone that you love and loves you, is way better than any sex you could give yourself. Proof? Go have sex with someone.

Temporary pleasures.

2. True, but there are benefits as well for the things you sacrifice. Emotional understanding, sharing of experiences, growing together, etc.

It's easier to that with long term friends.

3. Agree with this, don't really have a counter-point. Plenty of people are social though and get happiness and joy from others. Not everyone has the capacity for that introversion.

4. lol too bad? That's the cost of having children. You literally create a life and have the responsibility of taking care of it. You don't get to have your cake and eat it too.

I'm not making any life, lol. The population is already way too high.

5. It could happen, it could also not happen.

6. Refer to #5.

7. Refer to #5

Why risk it?

8. You don't know that. You are not omniscient.

It's clear as day people are just using other to try and survive.

9. Before enlightenment - chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment - chop wood, carry water.

10. You can also find deep love in relationships.

I get your hang ups and your perspective, but it also just sounds like you have an axe to grind with relationships because of a bad experience, or are simplylooking at things too logically and autistic-like. Relationships are based a lot around emotion and intuition. Not everything can be reduced down to X's and O's. You think you are pointing out the ego and selfishness of something here but you are also approaching the problem from the same nature.

I understand myself and see how I could easily exploit or use someone in a relationship, which just shows me how tricky and evil the ego actually is.

 

Edited November 27, 2020 by Red-White-Light

[Origins]

@Red-White-Light This is analogous to someone making excuses for not doing exercise, haha I totally get what you mean but for me, its like, if our hearts in it, then our mind will come up with reasons to make something special of it and if our heart isn't or our heart still needs healing, well, up go the relationship kilos.

Best.

[soos_mite_ah]

3 minutes ago, Red-White-Light said:

1. Sex with someone else, especially someone that you love and loves you, is way better than any sex you could give yourself. Proof? Go have sex with someone.

Temporary pleasures.

2. True, but there are benefits as well for the things you sacrifice. Emotional understanding, sharing of experiences, growing together, etc.

It's easier to that with long term friends.

3. Agree with this, don't really have a counter-point. Plenty of people are social though and get happiness and joy from others. Not everyone has the capacity for that introversion.

4. lol too bad? That's the cost of having children. You literally create a life and have the responsibility of taking care of it. You don't get to have your cake and eat it too.

I'm not making any life, lol. The population is already way too high.

5. It could happen, it could also not happen.

6. Refer to #5.

7. Refer to #5

Why risk it?

8. You don't know that. You are not omniscient.

It's clear as day people are just using other to try and survive.

9. Before enlightenment - chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment - chop wood, carry water.

10. You can also find deep love in relationships.

I get your hang ups and your perspective, but it also just sounds like you have an axe to grind with relationships because of a bad experience, or are simplylooking at things too logically and autistic-like. Relationships are based a lot around emotion and intuition. Not everything can be reduced down to X's and O's. You think you are pointing out the ego and selfishness of something here but you are also approaching the problem from the same nature.

I understand myself and see how I could easily exploit or use someone in a relationship, which just shows me how tricky and evil the ego actually is.

Sounds like relationships aren't for you. And that's ok. For some people it can be a source of development, love, and fulfillment. There might not be a point for relationships for this portion of your life but that doesn't mean relationships in general are pointless. 

[Preety_India]

2 hours ago, Red-White-Light said:

@Preety_India Yes, I don't think relationships are for me personally. More of a coffee drinker myself.

I've had many relationships and currently also I'm in a relationship. It can get messy, I'll tell you that. 

But all said I don't regret my relationships at all, only regret is that I wasn't quicker to get out. 

After many relationships, you reach a point where you get a hang of them, you don't see it as a big deal and sometimes it's like a nice deal after many bad deals. 

I'm a die hard romantic so not having romance in my life will be equivalent to death. 

But from your posts I can easily tell that you are not the "relationship type." 

Relationships need risk taking. 

You might be better off without relationships. But understand that having zero relationships come with downsides. You might see a couple kissing and that could make you feel upset or jealous. Loneliness might bite you or you might feel isolated or odd. Be ready for these thoughts or effects. You will have to make yourself emotionally stronger to bypass such effects. 

Man is a social animal so you can't be completely alone. Although you can survive alone but you can experience deep psychological impacts. So be ready to deal with them effectively by minimizing the impact 

 

Read resources on emotional independence to deal with hangover effects of not having relationships. 

Focus on other ventures in life where you can dedicate yourself fully. 

Good luck. Don't bash yourself for not being in a relationship. It's fine. Not everybody wants relationships. Not everybody finds peace in them. 

Your life your choice. 

Best wishes. 

 

[Byun Sean]

One reason you might try engaging in relationships is this:

 

Judging by your question/ post you seem to have some fear about getting into a relationship.

Your afraid of being hurt. 

There is something there. Behind every fear lies a secret about yourself. A secret about your childhood. A secret that has to do with your growth.

The counterintuitive move here would be to open yourself up to a relationship and risk being hurt.

 

Consider there may be some parts of your inner life that you may never resolve until you engage in relationships.

 

I speak from an experience of carrying a childhood wound with me for nearly 20 years of my life that caused me to avoid relationships at all costs. 

I was 100 percent convinced that I could be happy alone and that everyone else who depended on others in relationships were weak and needy.

Then after a certain point in my journey. I became directly conscious that this childhood wound ran deep. I mean really deep. So deep that I couldn't

solve it just by sitting on a meditation cushion for thousands of hours. No matter how much I improved my life on my own my shadows and wounds

from childhood surrounding interaction with other people still lingered.

Eventually I hit a point where I was like "Man I can't put this off anymore. My social skills suck because I avoid people and I still feel somehow separate

from everyone else despite having done years of consciousness and enlightenment work. I gotta go engage with people no matter how much I get hurt.

I can't hide from people forever."

And so I engaged with dozens of people and opened myself up to relationships. (Still going through this process now). And when I got hurt in a

relationship like I predicted would happen; instead of the dramatic, hellish, disaster and death story my mind told me would happen if I got hurt, It felt 

like shit for maybe half a day and then I got over it and learned a lot about myself from the experience. 

 

I encourage you to just give them a shot. Not because you need someone else to make you happy because you really don't. In fact, the more

codependent relationships are definitely some of the lowest quality ones.

 

Do it because it will grow you. Not because it will make you happy. You will experience good times and suffering. Love and hurt.

Its work.

Whats the worst that could happen? Really. You feel like garbage for a day or so and then you grow into a better human being. Thats probably the

worst. Maybe if you have a 40 year marriage that ends in divorce it may take 6 months. But I guarantee if you worked your ass off at a relationship for 

40 years those 40 years of growth will be well worth the 6 months of sadness.