When Incapable Of Being In A Relationship.

[DimmedBulb]

Because I wasn't emotionally stable and could not take initiative or look after myself and my now ex, my first relationship did not work out. Solely because I wasn't good enough, I got laid off and it's not exactly possible for me to fix my lack of initiative. I get mentally blocked when I'm supposed to do something on my own accord that is expected of me. That being said, I really wanna be with her and I don't think I'll ever fall in love with anyone else, the fact that it even happened once amazed me. My failure completely screwed me up. I got obsessed with getting better and getting her back, making it up, even if I did nothing wrong in her eyes and I failed every time. This has me torn: should I fix myself for her in the hopes she'll take me back or should I just give up and try to be satisfied with that? I'll be emotionally destroyed both ways, but for different reasons.

[General 2]

Why don't you improve yourself in your own way?

Improving for her doesn't necessarily mean she will accept you. Giving up also is not a way out.

Just try to find ways to be cool in your own way, and you may attract women who will like it and redirect your attention from this particular person...

[avk123]

On 9/9/2016 at 7:46 PM, DimmedBulb said:

Because I wasn't emotionally stable and could not take initiative or look after myself and my now ex, my first relationship did not work out. Solely because I wasn't good enough, I got laid off and it's not exactly possible for me to fix my lack of initiative. I get mentally blocked when I'm supposed to do something on my own accord that is expected of me. That being said, I really wanna be with her and I don't think I'll ever fall in love with anyone else, the fact that it even happened once amazed me. My failure completely screwed me up. I got obsessed with getting better and getting her back, making it up, even if I did nothing wrong in her eyes and I failed every time. This has me torn: should I fix myself for her in the hopes she'll take me back or should I just give up and try to be satisfied with that? I'll be emotionally destroyed both ways, but for different reasons.

Your just not the right fit, there is no right or wrong , triangles fit with triangles and circles fit with circles, whether you improve yourself or not that is up to you to decide - focus on emotional healing first.

 

Good luck. 

[Elisabeth]

On 9. 9. 2016 at 5:46 PM, DimmedBulb said:

Because I wasn't emotionally stable and could not take initiative or look after myself and my now ex, my first relationship did not work out. Solely because I wasn't good enough, I got laid off and it's not exactly possible for me to fix my lack of initiative. 

It's certainly possible to work on lack of initiative. In my experience, it basically falls back on not viewing that particular area of life as important and/or not allocating/having the resources to nurture it. You can rethink priorities and change habits.

But in my own experience, the reasons we tell boy (and the reasons boys tell us) about why we are breaking up are never ever complete or accurate. We're falling out of love for many different unconscious reasons, including subtle personality clashes and unmet needs in the intimate area. Don't get hung up on 'fixing that one bug she complained about'. 

I don't know how old you are, but it sounds like it was your only relationship. If you are like most people, now you think she's one and only, but you will probably fall in love again immediatelly once you are over it just a little. 

Don't improve for her. Improve for yourself. 

Edit: Oh, I just noticed the post is a few months old, I suppose it's been sorted out more or less.

Edited December 7, 2016 by Elisabeth

[DimmedBulb]

@Elisabeth Worry not. Advice is always welcome. It was and still is difficult, especially because the feeling hasn't recurred in a different person.

She won't live for more than probably a few weeks, which is a fact I'm gonna have to surrender to: that I wasn't good enough to save her from an untimely demise.