When Someone Bests You At Literally Everything.

[Bronsoval]

I don't know you personally but you seem to identify with your faults.  My question is: why? You are not your faults, your "unhealthy thoughts" or your "inability to take initiative" (which I'm not buying by the way)  you have the ability to take initiative.  You started this conversation, right?  Its as simple as that.  Picture something you want to do. Do it.  Don't listen to the thoughts telling you that you suck.  Hear them, and let them flow through you like a current passes through a copper wire.  But dont you dwell on them for one second.  They are just random bits of garbled nonsense to you.  Think of it as a radio.  When you listen to the radio, there are songs you like and songs you don't. You rock out to the ones you like, you know them by heart.  The songs you dont like you tune out, and probably havent even heard them all the way through.  Let your thoughts be the same way.

[DimmedBulb]

@Bronsoval I guess you're right. I'm just clueless as to what it is I want, I think. I see others enjoying life by being good at what they do and when I see that, I feel like I need that to have a fulfilling life, even though I feel no compulsion to do those things myself. Like, if I'd die tomorrow, I wouldn't exactly be bothered by it.

[David1]

9 hours ago, DimmedBulb said:

I seem to have an aversion to most things. Nothing really speaks to me and I don't have the ability to take initiative. I've been meaning to try certain things for over a year, but I just don't. I just don't get why desire doesn't lead to motivation.

It is how you say it is man. If i 'say', or tell myself, i'm bad at math. Then it is that way. I won't do effort to understand math, i won't be motivated, because i tell myself i'm bad at it to start with. You have to get rid of these limiting beliefs. Stop negative self talk. Make your word law. I mean by that...you have to get to a point, when you set yourself a goal, you'll say "it's already done, it's just a matter of time".

[abrakamowse]

16 hours ago, DimmedBulb said:

@abrakamowse How do you manage to work on something every day for up to six hours? I don't think there is really anything in the world I'd work that long for. Do you really want something that badly that you could work on it for that long? I can't think of anything I could actively spend that amount of time on.

Well... I work 8 hours a day doing graphic design.  But if you don't want to do that you can search for works that give you "passive income". Things that you just do one time and then you just repeat the process, like selling stuff, buying something at wholesale prices and selling for more, like any web store.

I told you that thinking in a profession, but you don't have to do what I suggested. The guys that I know would give their lives for comics hahaha...

just kidding, but they love it. They would do it for free if they could and not 8 hours, whatever it takes to accomplish their goals. You have to enjoy the process and it's like if you were not working.

[abrakamowse]

4 hours ago, David1 said:

It is how you say it is man. If i 'say', or tell myself, i'm bad at math. Then it is that way. I won't do effort to understand math, i won't be motivated, because i tell myself i'm bad at it to start with. You have to get rid of these limiting beliefs. Stop negative self talk. Make your word law. I mean by that...you have to get to a point, when you set yourself a goal, you'll say "it's already done, it's just a matter of time".

I agree.... what I do when that happens is to think "it's just a thought" and I continue doing what I was doing...

[David1]

@abrakamowse Whenever you say 'i am' followed by such and such, it's not just a thought. It's a belief. I know the self is an illusion, but the power of grasping that lies in the fact that you can change the illusion. Change 'i can't take initiative' to 'i'm motivated and enthusiastic'. Write it down, repeat it to yourself often. Try to 'feel' it and act it out until you become it. This will feel fake, 'not who i am', and awkward in the beginning. But that's the point...changing who you are.

Edited September 11, 2016 by David1

[DimmedBulb]

7 hours ago, abrakamowse said:

The guys that I know would give their lives for comics hahaha...

just kidding, but they love it. They would do it for free if they could and not 8 hours, whatever it takes to accomplish their goals. You have to enjoy the process and it's like if you were not working.

I don't think I have that. Everything feels like a chore to me. How would something not get boring after a week?

[abrakamowse]

22 hours ago, DimmedBulb said:

I don't think I have that. Everything feels like a chore to me. How would something not get boring after a week?

Question 1 = Who thinks that?

Answer to the other points: There's nothing boring, the mind make you think is boring. If you do mindfully, paying attention to what you do, trying to master it, to do it perfect, even cleaning the floors is exciting.

This is what Zen monks do everyday and they enjoy it, because they "learn" how to enjoy even simple and quotidian things or "chores".

“Zen is not some kind of excitement, but concentration on our usual everyday routine.” – Shunryu Suzuki"

"Make cleaning and cooking become meditation. Aside from the zazen mentioned above, cooking and cleaning are two of the most exalted parts of a Zen monk’s day. They are both great ways to practice mindfulness, and can be great rituals performed each day. If cooking and cleaning seem like boring chores to you, try doing them as a form of meditation. Put your entire mind into those tasks, concentrate, and do them slowly and completely. It could change your entire day (as well as leave you with a cleaner house)."

More about this here: http://zenhabits.net/12-essential-rules-to-live-more-like-a-zen-monk/

Edited September 12, 2016 by abrakamowse

[abrakamowse]

23 hours ago, David1 said:

@abrakamowse Whenever you say 'i am' followed by such and such, it's not just a thought. It's a belief. I know the self is an illusion, but the power of grasping that lies in the fact that you can change the illusion. Change 'i can't take initiative' to 'i'm motivated and enthusiastic'. Write it down, repeat it to yourself often. Try to 'feel' it and act it out until you become it. This will feel fake, 'not who i am', and awkward in the beginning. But that's the point...changing who you are.

Totally @David1  we have to become it because we have to power to it. We are "it".

[DimmedBulb]

2 hours ago, abrakamowse said:

Question 1 = Who thinks that?

Answer to the other points: There's nothing boring, the mind make you think is boring. If you do mindfully, paying attention to what you do, trying to master it, to do it perfect, even cleaning the floors is exciting.

This is what Zen monks do everyday and they enjoy it, because they "learn" how to enjoy even simple and quotidian things or "chores".

“Zen is not some kind of excitement, but concentration on our usual everyday routine.” – Shunryu Suzuki"

"Make cleaning and cooking become meditation. Aside from the zazen mentioned above, cooking and cleaning are two of the most exalted parts of a Zen monk’s day. They are both great ways to practice mindfulness, and can be great rituals performed each day. If cooking and cleaning seem like boring chores to you, try doing them as a form of meditation. Put your entire mind into those tasks, concentrate, and do them slowly and completely. It could change your entire day (as well as leave you with a cleaner house)."

More about this here: http://zenhabits.net/12-essential-rules-to-live-more-like-a-zen-monk/

Trying to do something perfectly sounds frustrating and exhausting more than anything. You can't possibly do that with everything, nor do I have enough attention span to do so. I'd have to be interested a lot, then I can get into that flow state. But because I'm depressed, I feel apathy for almost everything, so I can't focus on anything either.

[DimmedBulb]

Maybe I really just don't care enough. I just don't get it.

[Shin]

On 09/09/2016 at 8:44 PM, DimmedBulb said:

@quantum I'd say someone with more value would be someone with greater capacity, given they use it.

Your capacity comes from failure, learning from it, and working your ass off on the long term. 

There is no such thing as an easy way in life, you can't accomplish great things just because you're "gifted".

Being gifted only gives you a 5/10% faster learning curve ...

Read the biography of some successfull people, you'll start to see that most of them weren't talented at all to begin with ...

 

Your problem is that you're in some sort of depression, I was like that for 8 years, in a matter of a year, I switched to:

- Virgin -> healthy relationship

- Judgmental asshole/Anxious about my look/behaviors -> Doesn't give a shit, at all, BUT I try not to offend people and help them as much as I can without betraying myself

- Always stressed/living in my head -> Way more conscious of my thoughts and what thoughts are, I think a lot less than before, and I can force my brain not to think (or more accurately, sensing the pre-thought and refuse to go along with it).

- No diploma/no goal -> Bachelor Degree, currently doing an accountant degree (which I won't get on purpose to leave room in order to find my real life purpose).

- No physical activity whatsoever -> 1 hour of hiking every day, 1 to 2 swimming session per week

- Living in my parent's house -> Living in my parent's house (It will change everything, so I don't rush it, but it will happen in 2017)

 

I was really low in my self-esteem, I had suicidal thoughts, there was no point to anything ...

So how did I do all that ? Well, that's the problem, I don't really know, but what I'm sure of, is that you need to socialize more, questioning your thoughts all the time (negative ones), and the most important of all,

 

Force yourself to have a meditation habit

 

A meditation habit will raise your awareness, and more awareness equal more understanding of your thoughts, more understanding of your thoughts will lead to less association with your thoughts, and finally, less association with your thoughts will brings you more

HAPPINESS.

 

Watch these videos: 

https://www.actualized.org/articles/benefits-of-meditation

https://www.actualized.org/articles/how-to-meditate

 

Trust me, if you can keep your meditation habit sticks for 2 months straight, every day, no excuses,

It will be the most profound and important habit you will build in your life.

You have no idea how important it is untill you do it for at least 3 months.

 

I come to the point where I want to meditate for most of my freetime, it is THAT GOOD.

Edited September 12, 2016 by Shin

[DimmedBulb]

@Shin I've tried to so many times and I failed every single time. Even lowering the bar to just meditating for one minute a day was too much. It's so demoralizing to know you're too weak to meditate for 1 minute every day, it's physically painful.

I actually screwed up my only ever relationship because I wasn't good enough, too mentally weak, too unstable. That was months ago. I'm still in pain. She's got someone else now, someone better. That failure has hit me harder than anything else. I had absolutely nothing to show for, she was the one thing I took joy in, but I blew it.

[Shin]

We can't help you untill you realized you're capable of doing way more than you think you could

You need to learn how to stop to comparing yourself to other, how not to care about what other people think, and how to be nice to yourself, to love yourself just as you are.

Untill then, all we say are non-sense to you, you won't believe us.

 

You can either do that because you're such in pain that your ego can't stand it anymore, or you could live this way all the rest of your life.

It won't be easy though, the pain you will endure will be way worse that what you feel right now, but it's necessary in order to make the shift happen.

It's all in the mind, you're capable of doing virtually anything, anyone can do every things they want, they just need to want it bad enough.

 

Without pain there is no growth, just remember that.

 

Edited September 12, 2016 by Shin

[DimmedBulb]

@Shin I have been hopeful in the past, sought refuge in self help, but it only made me more desperate. Where I saw others succeed, I was yielding no results. No book or piece of info could help me get a move on. I got more stuck than I was. I thought I could give it another chance, but that was just wishful thinking. The good life just isn't for everyone. I'm sorry to have wasted your time.

[Shin]

No, it's all in your mind, trust me I know how you feel, the feelings you have wouldn't be possible with an another state of mind.

I litteraly can't be depressed anymore, because I know the thoughts that creates that feeling, and I just don't allow my ego to think about it.

 

Pain is temporary, you need to have faith, it will change, it will take time, but the only way to start the change is to have faith and visualize the man you want to become.

Faith, not hope, hope is for the sheeps, for people who gave up on life, faith is the real deal, because it's an inner motivation, happiness and growth can only come from the inside.

 

You don't have to trust me, just watch and watch and watch videos about your issues from Actualized.org. 

The concepts will print in your subconscious mind, and you will change without even realizing it.

 

 

Edited September 12, 2016 by Shin

[DimmedBulb]

@Shin Are there any ways you know that can make habit building as easy as possible? I know I crave structure, but I find it terribly difficult to create it.

I guess the reason I just spend my days watching nothing useful is just to quiet my mind, to not constantly think (which only leads to misery). I've wasted 2 years doing it and that's only counting when it was only that. Back when I still went to school I still spent the free time I had watching tv and playing video games, the latter of which stopped when I went to high school because it stopped being interesting and I just had no time in my head. Didn't see my friends at all either other than at school.

[Lynnel]

On 09/09/2016 at 10:28 AM, DimmedBulb said:

I have a friend who is basically a homo universalis, a genius and a very successful one at that. Writer, artist, composer, voice actor, pro gamer, owns her own business, extremely intelligent.

It's impossible to do the entire list of things and be good at it all at the same time. Some people, including very clever ones, try to be great artists and composers and fail. Excellence takes an enormous amount of practice. I believe your subjective view is just heavily...heavily biased.

The ten thousand hours doesn't apply to the most gifted, but even those need 5 thousand hours at least

Edited September 12, 2016 by Lynnel

[DimmedBulb]

@Lynnel I wish I was lying, but she's amazing at literally all of those. She's getting a degree in composing, piano and cello, she's published multiple books, has gotten voice actor gigs from pro animators, used to make a living off of playing games on a competitive level, owns her own business, has an IQ of roughly 180 and has read basically every book to be found in a library.

[Shin]

Just now, DimmedBulb said:

@Shin Are there any ways you know that can make habit building as easy as possible? I know I crave structure, but I find it terribly difficult to create it.

I guess the reason I just spend my days watching nothing useful is just to quiet my mind, to not constantly think (which only leads to misery). I've wasted 2 years doing it and that's only counting when it was only that. Back when I still went to school I still spent the free time I had watching tv and playing video games, the latter of which stopped when I went to high school because it stopped being interesting and I just had no time in my head. Didn't see my friends at all either other than at school.

You're doing it to avoid reality, yes. I did the exact same thing, and felt miserable about it (without knowing why).

It's deeper than that though, your ego is trying to distract you, because the ego knows that you are trying to change yourself, and so he resist (homeostasis).

You need to change little things, one at a time, every two months makes a new habits (but only if you didn't failed the old one), and you should start with meditation, then daily physical activity (or the inverse, depending on your health).

You can't change everything in one go, your can maybe force your mind to do it (for a while), but at some point, you'll go back to your old ways or you'll have medical issue.

 

And no there is no easy ways, you will have to fight with yourself, it's the only way.

Edited September 12, 2016 by Shin