Follow my intuition or am I petty? (Male Friendship question)

[WhoIsMyself]

I really need to answer this question I have, please help.

 

Friend A:

He shared how he ditched 95% of his social circle because he didn't feel respected and this is how he felt. I recently did the same. So he listened a lot to my struggle and I expressed interest in his past experience so that I can take notes. 
Recently, I told him how I hate when someone starts a conversation over text needing my help but then just ditches me hanging not knowing whether I have to help or not and answers 4 hours later, So in the process of sharing this, he did exactly this to me, just stopped responding for some hours without saying that he has to go or do something. 

He also tells me he can't talk because his girlfriend is watching a lecture but then he talks to some other friend of his. Then when the girlfriend's lecture is over he cant talk again because he can't ignore her. He also tells me his mic doesn't work and probably forgot he told me he talks with people from his guild in the game, (so the mic does work?). I mean, this dude has rejected to talk with me many times, he just wants to text. This dude is invested in my yet then he does this, it makes no sense its confusing. 

Friend B:

Sometimes ignores my messages, basically responds when he is ready to play the game we play together, other than that he is unreachable and avoidant. Sometimes says he will call when he hangs out but he doesn't call me and nevertheless hangs out with our friends. When we are talking, he often doesn't respond to something I say, when confronted he says "Oh I was focused on something". Like, I can talk and play a game ever since I was 5? Obviously, he can respond or at least say "wait", but he doesn't care so he just leaves me hanging. That's not friends in my world. I have done this no more than 20 times in my whole life and every time I have done it on purpose because I hated whoever asked me something. Not because they were my friend.

 

 

Question/conclusion

These things make me feel like a burden to them. Like I am trying too hard to be their friend and they are too polite to cut me off so they half-ass some relations. 

But then I feel this crushing loneliness. 

Then out of a sudden some of them reach out and I'm confused, like, do you want to be my friend or what? 

I also feel it's very petty and even somewhat rude to ask Friend A if he is lying to me and why did he talk to that friend if he cant talk while his GF is watching a lecture and how does he talk with the guild if his mic doesn't work and also what laptop on earth doesn't have a microphone...

I tried confronting jokingly Friend B that he doesn't let me know when he is online like we agreed to and he didn't respond, neither laughed at the joke. 

 

All out these people are acting standoffish and more confident than me, which I hate since if I play by the same rules which are (Be myself, don't care how the other person feels) I will probably straight up ignore them forever since I am upset with their behavior

 

 

 

 

Edited November 24, 2020 by WhoIsMyself

[Recursoinominado]

You seem very needy, no wonder, people don't respect you.

Focus on improving your value by working on yourself.

Stop using your friends to complain about your life, only talk about positive topics from now on, make people associate you with nice feelings and they will want to be with you and respect you.

[hoodrow trillson]

Yeah dude, the neediness is killing your vibe.  We can even sense it through your typed words.

Start or continue to meditate daily--ground yourself FFS.  Your current obsessive 'outcome dependence' will slowly change to love and respect of their own time!  

Also I hate to say it but it will get worse as you get older because people get busier as life becomes a bit more complicated.  If you don't start now, this will crush you dearly when you're older.

[JohnD]

Sounds like you're relying heavily on others for your mental needs. We're all here to increase our capacity to own ourselves, and it sounds like you have an internal need for the more confident, self-sufficient part of yourself. Like hoodrow said above, get grounded. Learn to know what energy is yours. Also know that this energy is playing in a duality. The confident, standoffish part is opposed to the needy, helpless and undirected part. Transcending the struggle involves holding both energies and allowing them to communicate and express. It may feel difficult to get out of the needy frame, but remember that if the neediness is in you, so is the confidence. Have faith in yourself

[Preety_India]

Hmm. That's a pretty common thing. Early in the morning someone texted me and I told them that I had to go. Sometimes I don't even say and simply leave the conversation. 

By expecting too much you could be doing more harm than good by simply thinking that they don't care about you. 

Maybe they do care but forget to reply in the middle of running errands. 

Personally if someone got angry at me because I didn't reply and if I was busy and if they knew I was busy then I would probably stop talking to them altogether because I ain't got time to be available to someone 24/7. Sorry but there is a thing called life that must be lived. 

I guess one must be a bit practical in terms of expectations and learn to give others some leeway. They have problems too, shit to deal with and things to put in order. 

Be patient and calm. Don't break their boundaries and don't expect unrealistic things. It's obviously a recipe for disappointment. 

Remember that nobody will be at your beck and call 24/7..not being harsh, just explaining how it works in reality. 

Sometimes people (close friends) might be pissed off if you told them that you're upset over such trivial stuff. 

Take care and learn to accept friends. 

 

[Chew211]

My dude.

Everyone forgets to respond sometimes, or some comes up, or, if you're Gen Z, then you all have an attention span has been wrecked. 

If you don't feel treated right, either confront them about it, or forget them. Or do both. 

But as others said, this neediness can be felt even from the way you type. So deal with the crushing feeling of loneliness instead of running away from it with social stimulation and games. 

[UNZARI]

i know from my point of view i don’t like texting people often because i hate having to always feel like i gotta talk to someone. i just wanna be home and not speak to anyone, and needy people always trying to talk and asking why i didn’t really bugs me. respect that your friends have a life and put yourself in their shoes. i’m not hating though, but yeah man just grow out of the neediness and enjoy your own company. best of luck

[Recursoinominado]

@neutralempty Commonsense.

[Arcangelo]

After reading your post 2 things come to mind:

1. Fuck friend A and

2. Fuck friend B

Make better friends.

If you have the balls to confront them, confront them.

 

 

Arc