I only orgasmed to my cousin

[iceprincess]

okay so this is something very weird to talk about for me and I was unsure where to post this thread but basically from the ages of 11-about 14 I was being molested by my cousin in my sleep. randomly I would wake up and I could feel him touching me and I was super uncomfortable. I feel really embarrassed about this but I orgasmed quite a number of times when he did it. don't get me wrong I'm not attracted to him at all and I have never sexually fantasized about him ever. I felt a lot of guilt, shame and confusion about this and I thought I was the only one until my therapist told me it's very normal to orgasm during any type of sexual misconduct. but anyways he's out of my life. since the age of 15 I have been sexually involved with 3 guys and none of them have made me cum. I did not even feel sexually aroused. I was attracted to these men a lot  but every time it came to getting physical I was just so caught up in my head I could not relax and surrender properly. I was very nervous and frozen. my pussy would be wet but then they would touch me and I would become so rigid. anyways this is really holding me back , I can't form proper relationships with guys and I do not know how to fix this. I want some practical, applicable advice not something like "learn to let go of your thoughts and focus on the present" . Thanks for listening and not judging 

[Preety_India]

You need to have more random sexual exposure. See more guys. You'll end up meeting a guy who does make you feel like that. And tell him to take it slow. That way you get enough time to heal. 

It's trauma recovery. With patience from your lover, you can open slowly. You might feel rigid but slowly your rigidity will lessen. This will need time. And then you can open up freely. 

Your first proper comfortable sexual experience is a long way to come but not too long. Hopefully you will gain the confidence to be at ease in your sexual experiences 

Just don't judge yourself too much. Your reaction is pretty common among sexual assault victims.. It's an important to find a partner who understands your past without judging. 

[Opo]

Hope this helps. 

 

 

 

[Eren Eeager]

@iceprincess trauma after sexual abuse can cause all sort of sexual dysfunction for women including what you described. The lesson here is to go deep into these uncomfortable feelings and try to work them out. If you ignore trauma, it won't go away in most scinarios. You must work on it. Deeply buried traumas causes all sort of symptoms. You must unbury it and them let go of it. 

Trauama functions as a survival mechanism to protect you from such events that caused you the trauma in the first place, but mostly it overexagerates the threat and overgeneralize the threat sources. Unless you actively start taking control of your survival mechanism, it will tend to occur in this dysfunctional manner. 

One way you can work on this stuff is active visualization of having sex with your partner while masturbating. While doing this you must try to let go of any uncomfortable feeling. With every time you do this practice, what you are doing is unburying the trauma and letting go of it. 

If you feel you are strong enough, and I am cautious while suggesting this but still, you can go to the original source of your trauma to work on it. What I mean is you can also visualize your cousin molesting you, but you must be strong enough to even not care about this so that you transcend the event that caused trauma to you. If you are not ready psychologically to do this, on the contrary it might exacerbate your trauma, so be cautious before doing this. 

Trauama is based on fear, once you transcend the fear the trauma will heal instantly. 

 

[TripleFly]

That's deep. Good on you!

Practical advice-

Breathword, Look up Leo's Shamanic breathwork, and do it!!! There's someone on this forum that has done it for 60 days in a row. He had some massive experiences. But thing is, holotropic(or shamanic, same thing) breathwork is to release and confront traumas head on. It's known to have great benefit!

Vipassana, it's a free 10 day meditation course. It's very intense, it gave me the tools to deal with whatever comes to my life.

DMT. You smoke it. Changa is my favorite, alongside Ayahuasca. It might be hard to believe, but that shit is intelligence in smokable form and if your heart is pure then you will find what you are looking for, and if not then you will find what you were looking for and didn't know. 

Yoga, find a proper traditional Hatha Yoga teacher, that will teach you the eastern style of Yoga. You can look up Ty Landrum on youtube, find a teacher that talks like him. He speaks about the spiralization of energy through your spine while doing the Yoga, he talks a lot about energy during the session. Do Not Do Yoga In the western, physical, workout way. Ask your teacher why you're going to do yoga, and his answer should be "For enlightenment of course". In the end the movements you make are all just circus, it's serious! but it's also just body movements. I hope you understand what I mean, look up Ty Landrum he has stuff on youtube that will blow your mind.

Look up at other breathworks too. Wim hoff has an online course for it. Troy casey does some small ones on his youtube channel. All very strong, all very helpful to heal.

 

Regarding sex. I suggest to leave sex out of your life. Make love! Here is an explaination

Look him up! Barry long is one of the only spiritual masters that will talk about love making and sex. He has a whole book on it  

 

Edited November 24, 2020 by TripleFly

[kag101]

So your therapist didn't really help you heal this trauma, right? 

[iceprincess]

@kag101 I stopped going to her because it's super expensive

[Preety_India]

@iceprincess therapy is of no use here. You just need more time more exposure and understanding matured people who know how to take things slow. 

 

[kag101]

On 11/25/2020 at 3:33 PM, iceprincess said:

@kag101 I stopped going to her because it's super expensive

How many sessions did you take? 

[Sine]

I have had a similar experience (or is still dealing with one). I figured out that I had connected my sexuality to feelings of shame and fear - so I was only able to be aroused when thinking about my molester or when being with men who made me feel shameful or afraid.

The thing I did to heal this was to take a break from sexual relationships (I am actually currently doing in) and then focus on developing my sexuality by myself. So I try to break the old patterns I had when having sex with myself before. Instead of just letting it happen - fantasizing about the bad stuff - I try to plan it beforehand and really make it into a kind of ceremony. Then I use meditation and self-love techniques while doing it, so in that way, I hope to rewire my brain so I can be turned on by feeling safe and loved. Maybe that is something that could be beneficial for you to try out as well? <3 

[Mu_]

@iceprincess

Sorry to hear about your early trauma's, its something you may have to feel and look at in time.  As for orgasiming with others, this is a very normal thing for lots of women and isn't a sign that something is wrong with you.  It may be a very healing thing to learn about your body and the different type of orgasms a women can have and how to produce those in yourself.  Self play may be a very healing practice getting to know your body and traumas.  It will provide you with information you can communicate to your partner and the two of you can get better at giving each-other pleasure and create intimacy through communication.  You may need to find a partner who can meet you on this level, but if your clear on this, you'll find one eventually.

How do you find partners?  If your using online sites, even putting something like this in your bio will attract the right kind of person, especially if your clear and using the right wording to indicate you are looking for intimacy and exploration.  But I wouldn't do any of this until you've spent some time with yourself  and exploring.

 

Check out a variety of her video's or search around for people who share similar information and see what resonates with you.  My wife and I took one of her courses and it was awakening and brought us closer together and more open around sex and communicating.