Emotional Safety In Relationships

[Natasha]

One of the main ingredients of any healthy relationship (friendship, romantic, family, work, etc) is feeling emotionally safe with the other person/people. Please share your thoughts on why it's important and how to hold that safe space with those close in your life. 

[Preety_India]

I've always talked about emotional safety in my journals. Especially in romantic relationships. 

It's a high priority because you can get pretty much messed up if the emotions in a relationship are not in balance. 

One way is to build a wall emotionally where you don't give or surrender immediate emotional authority to the other person. You keep yourself from being instantly affected by what they say or do. 

The next step would be to ask yourself what sort of emotion you experience around that person? 

I was in a narcissistic relationship so when I asked myself this question, the answer usually was - the emotion of fear. 

This emotion is unhealthy. 

If and when you experience the emotions of happiness, fulfillment, excitement , deep joy, love, freedom  oxytocin then the relationship is emotionally safe if this is the usual pattern. 

If and when you experience the emotions of fear, resentment, upset, Insecurity, blame, guilt, alertness, anger, hate, revenge, confusion etc and these emotions are frequent and more than expected then the answer is that the relationship is emotionally very unsafe. 

This is one way to test emotional safety in a relationship 

One way to stay emotionally safe is to reduce attachment with the person, get rid of the dopamine addiction by controlling and slowly withdrawing communication, slow withdrawal to avoid withdrawal symptoms and by gradually uplifting yourself and completely avoiding the person. 

To be honest emotionally unsafe people just aren't worth your time so if they are currently existing, chuck them out for good. 

 

[Loving Radiance]

@Etherial Cat ?

@Natasha Emotional safety enables the expression of vulnerability. Emotional safety is the foundation for connection. It is letting go judgements and being present, mindful, accepting and loving towards the person. It is listening into stillness and feeling what intuitively needs to be expressed be it creating space & listening, sharing one's perspective, cracking jokes, or sharing this moment together & feeling into each other's being.

[aurum]

@Natasha

Great question. I find the biggest factor is to have a non-judgmental attitude.

Even if no words have been exchanged, I believe people can intuitive feel if they will be judged for opening up around you. It's in your energy.

As long as people know they'll still be accepted, they generally feel safe to say or do just about anything.

[F A B]

Acceptance 

[Viking]

6 hours ago, aurum said:

@Natasha

Great question. I find the biggest factor is to have a non-judgmental attitude.

Even if no words have been exchanged, I believe people can intuitive feel if they will be judged for opening up around you. It's in your energy.

As long as people know they'll still be accepted, they generally feel safe to say or do just about anything.

the question is how to develop that non judgemental attitude, since flaws in your partner will affect you. 

what i do is if i notice something i dont like about my partner, i might be quiet and try to rationalize it and look at it in an optimistic or positive way, but sometimes i need to just accept the flaw without finding anything positive about it, which is hard because it does make me suffer in some way or makes it so that my needs arent met.

[F A B]

2 minutes ago, Viking said:

the question is how to develop that non judgemental attitude, since flaws in your partner will affect you. 

what i do is if i notice something i dont like about my partner, i might be quiet and try to rationalize it and look at it in an optimistic or positive way, but sometimes i need to just accept the flaw without finding anything positive about it, which is hard because it does make me suffer in some way or makes it so that my needs arent met.

If you cannot sustain the flaws then just leave.

Acceptance doesn't mean being forced to stay.

[Natasha]

@Preety_India @Etherial Cat @Loving Radiance @aurum @F A B @Viking Thank you, guys, for your valuable insights on this topic. And Happy Thanksgiving! ❤️????

 

[Preety_India]

@Natasha happy Thanksgiving girl you rock. 

[Natasha]

@Preety_India Thank you! 

[Origins]

@Natasha what @Loving Radiance said plus simply being the foundation for love, I don't believe in relationships without love being at the foundation. If love is at the foundation I don't know how much can go wrong, people are fallible though, different histories, but although I wouldn't say love is necessarily the right approach for everything in a relationship its 100% otherwise you shouldn't be in it. The statistics say it obviously takes two special people to have a sustaining relationship built on that foundation given high separation rates, because even relationships that sustain for long durations are not necessarily very loving but for whatever reason the dynamic works out. I know I'm built for a long term sustainable loving relationship, and I think many of us are, it just takes a certain level of development combined with making sure you find the right person with that development and intentionality.

Edited November 27, 2020 by Origins

[Origins]

To add - On holding that space:

What's really important is to get in tune with who they are as a person and what they've been through in their life, without which, your radio signal isn't going to be tuned properly to correlating their state with the emotional safety that may be needed. It starts with love and ends with openness and receptivity. Depending on what they've gone through they're going to have different coping styles to various emotional situations, its up to you as a person to be able to workout what those kinds of styles and where you can fit in with respect to providing the love that they need. For example if you're dealing with someone close to an avoidant attachment style or a fear-avoidant attachment style, your approach might be very different compared to if they had closer to a secure or anxious attachment style. The less understanding we have the more open to various possibilities we have to be before we unintentionally draw conclusions that harm that emotional safety that's needed. And your approach to providing that emotional safety will vary according to the situation and become more and more nuanced the more understanding we build about the other person. This is why its so important to be with people that really want to understand you, this is why love is only one aspect or the emotional aspect of love is only one aspect of love, the greater understanding we can bring to the table the greater ease we have in comprehending how to relate to one another's unconscious boundaries, and sometimes the partners may reach a point where they know more about the unconscious boundaries of their lover than there lover's do, at least, that's the ideal (even in a situation where you as the loved one is doing your best to understand yourself).

[Natasha]

@Origins Great insights, thanks for sharing!

[Origins]

No problem @Natasha , hoping everything is well!