Sadomasochistic attraction to Dominant Males

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, RendHeaven said:

You sound horrific in this quote

Please spare me the outrage.

The context of what I said is perfectly clear, and what I said is true, even though it will be denied in polite company.

And there's nothing wrong with wanting to be raped by your man. We are obviously talking about a consensual act of sex here.

What I said had nothing to do with actual acts of illegal rape. What I'm talking about is just standard dominate sex. When the woman desires her man to rape her, whether she say is explicitly or not. Some of ya'll here are too "spiritual" for your own good. As if spirituality and some rough sex can't go hand in hand. Don't act so pure that you deny your base desires.

[Preety_India]

Ok guys just chill. Please don't attack Leo. I was away for a while and so much happened. Leo is right about things. 

He is not trying to generalize but many women have rape fantasies, God this is female sexuality, please don't attack it. And it does not mean every woman has such feelings. There are many women who don't have such fantasies and that's fine too. 

Please don't judge so harshly. This is what I was afraid of. This strong backlash against female sexuality. It doesn't help to keep desires repressed. This is what causes unnecessary shame and guilt. Guilting a person for having sexual desires. 

The other thing is that please understand that this is not about actual rape. 

Actual rape is a crime. It's insane that this is even being compared to actual rape. 

Am I asking to be raped? No not at all. This is like some guy in my country would say to me that I deserved to be raped just because I had a rape fantasy???? Please don't do that. 

I have this fantasy with a person who I have a romantic attachment with. This means that I want to be dominated in bed. Rape (as in actual rape which is a crime) is when there is no consent (or consent which is not actual). When a woman wants to be dominated by her man in bed, and she wants to be submissive, that's not an actual rape, it's only a fantasy of domination and submission which is looked down upon because femininity is very repressed in many cultures so if a woman wanted to discuss her sexuality, the result is what happened on this thread - pure shaming and judgement. 

Leo does not mean actual rape and that's why he said "pure feminine attraction" and he also made it abundantly clear in his statement where he said "He's already messed up by not fucking your brains out properly", this is true because when my ex boyfriend used to say "I wanna fuck your brains out" I used to get turned on, it's a natural feeling within me to be dominated in such a way, and this does not mean  rape (like a crime) , just expecting the man to be more dominating in bed, perfectly fine!! 

You guys need to calm down and stop making up false claims. This is what prevents sexuality from being expressed more openly. 

1 hour ago, electroBeam said:

Nope, not many women want to be raped by men. 

Doing the opposite actually(showing them that you care about their feelings during sex, being gentle with them, and even expressing what you want and asking them whether they want that too) yields a very good experience.

Jeez, if your views are the product of doing pick up in Las Vegas, then sounds like Las Vegas are full of ape like hoes. And the pickup men there sound even worse. Get out of Las Vegas are try a nicer area.

You're confusing rape fantasy with rape. It's like saying if a woman wants to be tied around her neck during sex then she  basically wants to be murdered!! Ah, nope. It's a fantasy. That means it's a kink. She wants to be tied up because that gives her an added erotic feel. Her feelings are to be respected and fulfilled during sex,thats the right way to love her. 

 

Doing the opposite actually(showing them that you care about their feelings during sex, being gentle with them, and even expressing what you want and asking them whether they want that too) yields a very good experience.

 

Showing them that you care about their feelings during sex - yes, rape fantasy does not mean that my boyfriend is disrespecting me. In fact it's the opposite. He is respecting my feelings during sex by doing what I need during sex. That's called caring for my feelings. 

 

being gentle with them - rape fantasy does not mean he is killing me or destroying me, he is just being bold and dominating. That's why I said in the title "dominant males".. Dominant masculine males are more likely to fulfill such a fantasy. Being an asshole is not the same as being dominant. Leo has dominating male traits. A lot of men have. I like to be submissive in sex. And women  like me are attracted to Dominant males. It's as simple as a Dom Sub relationship. Relationships are not cut and dry. There are many dynamics and styles and all of them are perfect. It's like flavors of salad. 

 

even expressing what you want - yes that's exactly what I was trying to do. Expressing my deepest desires. And like Leo said I should express them to my boyfriend and if he is a caring guy, he shouldn't shame me. Makes sense? 

 

asking them whether they want that too - yes, I did this with my ex boyfriend Joseph. You'd be shocked to know he was very thrilled and happy and he did as I wanted. He was a very dominant guy. The sex I experienced with me was perfect and passionate and suffice to say that we were both sexually fulfilled. 

 

Jeez, if your views are the product of doing pick up in Las Vegas, then sounds like Las Vegas are full of ape like hoes. And the pickup men there sound even worse. Get out of Las Vegas are try a nicer area.

His views aren't wrong. He is just being open minded about female sexuality which is the first thing a man should do if he wants to satisfy his girlfriend in bed, he should know what she wants. 

Am I an ape like hoe? Absolutely not. 

That's like slut shaming. Women have already been shamed enough for simply being women. We don't have to be the male idea of a woman. That can be a bit slavish. My desires are repressed exactly because my culture tends to shame for having feelings that a woman should be allowed to have. Repression of a gender doesn't help. Repressing male sexual desire is not right. Repressing female sexual desire is not right. Nothing wrong with my desire to be wanting to be dominated. 

I would expect such shaming in a very patriarchal society. 

 

1 hour ago, electroBeam said:

Leo's approach in the environment forum tends to be acknowledging that there is unconscious behaviour going on in politics, but always a push to lead others to be more conscious. Show others not to get wrapped up in conspiracy theories, not to vote for an unconscious president. Yes 99% of people in politics are doing things unconsciously, but we can lead and show them the way.

On this subsection though, Leo's approach is, women are unconscious, and lets kindle and egg on that unconscious behaviour by being unconscious ourselves. Women want rape because they handle relationships unconsciously, so lets rape them.

Has it occured to anyone on here yet that if you are a man, and therefore the leader, you can actually lead them towards better or more conscious behaviour?

Must you give into a women's unconscious, totally toxic desire to be raped, instead of showing them what they actually want through leading by example, pushing through their unconscious biases, bringing out the conscious elements in them and through good sex showing them that this is what they actually wanted, and its way better then what they have been given before?

One element of rape(even if Leo meant the word as an exaggeration rather than its literal definition) is overriding a girls wants through dominance and assertion. Its saying, nope fuck what want, as an alpha male i know what you want better then you do and you're gonna obey me in sex. This isnt the best way to do things, even though most sex is like this. If you can show them that a guy listening to their wants, and sex being a collaboration rather than one sided dictating, actually helps them get what they want more, then they will override their own unconscious biases for the better way.

 

There is absolutely nothing wrong with having deep sexual desires, fantasies and fetishes. What's wrong is - Repression and shaming 

Calling it unconscious is repressing it even further. 

The desire to be raped by my man  (not like a crime) is not a toxic desire. It's perfectly sane and like many other women on this thread said, it's perfectly normal. Toxic is the judgement that calls it toxic. 

Good sex and bad sex. Good sex is achieved when both are fulfilled. Bad sex is when one of the partners is unfulfilled. 

I don't want a very feminine guy showing me sex that I don't want. I'd call it bad sex.. Because if he can't dominate me in bed, I won't get arouses and basically in my eyes that's bad sex.. You're unable to understand female sexuality here and frankly trying to impose your views on female sexuality on a female. That's like me telling a man what kind of porn he should like, nope, I can't decide or impose what a man likes, neither should a man decide what a female likes. Because he can't change the female biology just I can't change male biology. 

Attraction and sex are not dependent on mere feelings. These are deeply biological components and we as female or male have very little control over it. 

The only control that is needed is when your attraction falls under the category of crime or criminal behavior. 

Rape fantasy is neither a crime nor criminal behavior. It's one of the many expressions of female sexuality. 

Denying a woman her sexual fantasy is similar to denying a man sex. 

Also you're engaging in false equivalency by constantly comparing rape fantasy to criminal rape. 

This confusion happens a lot. This distinction is important to understand that I'm not asking for a crime. Nope. I'm not asking /deserving to be raped by some stranger against my consent. That would be awful. Many people conflate rape fantasy with criminal rape. Both are extremely different. 

 

18 minutes ago, Rilles said:

Every feminine woman is a generalization. Every woman wanting the same from her man is a generalization. 

It was a stupid saying, I think Leo picked up some non-sense from pickup and dating books that he hasnt worked through. I remember him having a book on the booklist (I think he removed it now) Where in the review he said "Did you know women have rape fantasies?! This book will shock you!!" Or something like that.

Yes women have rape fantasies. Go look up. Does this mean every woman? Not necessarily. It's nonsense to assume that every woman is perfectly similar. Women can have sexual fantasies just like men. 

Have you heard about something called BDSM, yes in those communities there are both men and women. 

 

[Preety_India]

@Emerald thanks for your posts on this thread. Very helpful.

I agree with you on the repression of femininity that causes such desires to stay behind as fantasies. 

 

[Free Mind]

1 hour ago, Rilles said:

I thought you didnt generalize? Time to contemplate some of your beliefs Leo. 

Oh get that log out your ass man. You know what he meant. Learn to read between the lines and contextualize when someone’s being serious versus when they aren’t. 

[Rilles]

Just now, Free Mind said:

Oh get that log out your ass man. You know what he meant. Learn to read between the lines and contextualize when someone’s being serious versus when they aren’t. 

Oh, hes being very serious.

Okay guys you can stop replying now. I get it, you girls like rough sex and call it "rape". No need to get so defensive when I question something which sounded weird to my ears. 

[Preety_India]

33 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Please spare me the outrage.

The context of what I said is perfectly clear, and what I said is true, even though it will be denied in polite company.

And there's nothing wrong with wanting to be raped by your man. We are obviously talking about a consensual act of sex here.

What I said had nothing to do with actual acts of illegal rape. What I'm talking about is just standard dominate sex. When the woman desires her man to rape her, whether she say is explicitly or not. Some of ya'll here are too "spiritual" for your own good. As if spirituality and some rough sex can't go hand in hand. Don't act so pure that you deny your base desires.

 

 

[SkrOzz]

27 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Please spare me the outrage.

The context of what I said is perfectly clear, and what I said is true, even though it will be denied in polite company.

And there's nothing wrong with wanting to be raped by your man. We are obviously talking about a consensual act of sex here.

What I said had nothing to do with actual acts of illegal rape. What I'm talking about is just standard dominate sex. When the woman desires her man to rape her, whether she say is explicitly or not. Some of ya'll here are too "spiritual" for your own good. As if spirituality and some rough sex can't go hand in hand. Don't act so pure that you deny your base desires.

What do you say about a male that is masochistically attracted to women?  

It's pretty common, but if this is feminine normal attraction, I guess male sub- female dom is more perverted.

I have many submissive fantasies with women , some i did in real life, but its more like wanting to feel helpless and dominated than feminine. I am pretty masculine guy and i have masculine mind and attitude except when the sex comes

It's just that there are no quality content on these topics, its pretty taboo.  Many explanations about these phenomena dont sound too good to me, I watched years ago some psychologists discussing the need of a theory of sexuality. 

[Preety_India]

1 minute ago, AMTO said:

No offence Preety but why keep putting your personal life all over this forum. Attention seeking much. 

That's your projection. I'm putting my life so that I can have answers to my questions. You're thinking that it is attention seeking meanwhile for me it is seeking help for my life. Get over it. 

Nothing wrong with me being inquisitive and wanting support, help, resources and advice and so far all the replies from people have been amazingly helpful. 

So spare me your projection. 

Don't want to help, don't help but don't say things that are not true in my view. 

 

[mandyjw]

I think the root of the problem goes back, way back, and we feel like we didn't give consent to be born in the first place. But we forgot our power, and who we really are. And out of our forgetting we dominate or want to be dominated, forgetting that anyone we seek to merge with is already intimately us. 

 

[electroBeam]

Everyone has different styles and preferences. Some like BDSM, some like romantic loving sex. There's nothing wrong with liking BDSM and as preety said, repressing or shaming that aspect of a woman or man's mind will just cause further complications down the line.

But acting like every woman or man likes BDSM and rape fantasy is incorrect. It is a generalization. The are men and women out there who would take deeply intimate, loving, caring sort of sex(the type you see when you type "passionate romantic" in porn sites) over BDSM a thousand times over.

[MrBON]

Just have sex the way you enjoy it and be done with it. I don't understand this obsession of calling x position or fetish as "bad" and others as "normal". As long as no one is harmed then who the fuck cares lol

[Preety_India]

6 minutes ago, electroBeam said:

But acting like every woman or man likes BDSM and rape fantasy is incorrect. It is a generalization. The are men and women out there who would take deeply intimate, loving, caring sort of sex(the type you see when you type "passionate romantic" in porn sites) over BDSM a thousand times over.

Yes I agree with you. 

Actually I practice both styles of sex and both are appealing to me. 

Me and my current boyfriend have the style that you just described as "deeply intimate loving caring" and I would love to have the Bdsm dominant sex with him as well. I like both depending on the occasion. 

 

[Preety_India]

4 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

Is this already time for the popcorn eating gif? 

Hehe 

[RendHeaven]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

Please spare me the outrage.

The context of what I said is perfectly clear, and what I said is true, even though it will be denied in polite company.

And there's nothing wrong with wanting to be raped by your man. We are obviously talking about a consensual act of sex here.

See, you get to tell me, "Please spare me the outrage," because I'm loyal to you (& I'm not outraged to begin with lol).

It won't work like that when the mainstream starts digging up your quotes.

The context of what you said was perfectly clear to you and me but not to everyone universally.

To the average ignorant person (and even to some advanced people who simply don't share your frame of reference), there's actually nothing "perfectly clear" or "obvious" about what you said.

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

What I said had nothing to do with actual acts of illegal rape. What I'm talking about is just standard dominate sex. When the woman desires her man to rape her, whether she say is explicitly or not.

This makes all the difference 

It may seem negligible and stupid to you now, but to someone else it may be the difference of whether they accept your teachings (as a whole) or not.

[integral]

10 hours ago, Preety_India said:

Do you guys think that I should tell my current boyfriend about these fantasies and tell him to play them out with me. Would you advise that? 

Or would he think that I'm being weird because I don't want to disappoint him. 

Are you still dating the same guy? Why havent you broken up with him yet? 

[Preety_India]

24 minutes ago, integral said:

Are you still dating the same guy? Why havent you broken up with him yet? 

No. I'm dating a different guy. (I dumped that old one.) 

 

Edited November 25, 2020 by Preety_India

[Emerald]

3 hours ago, Etherial Cat said:

@Emerald

I see you -due to circumstances- describe why non-optimum relationships and sexuality between men/woman occur quite often. So I've got pretty much an idea of what the recurring problems are as well as some of the possible outcome thanks to your analysis framework.

What would be the ideal scenario or the maxed out version of what relationships and intercourses be between the Masculine and the Feminine? Like, what is the final blueprint? In general and perhaps as well in our contemporary context (with its current challenges for both gender and so forth) ?

Well, when it comes to Masculine/Feminine, these are kind of "archetypes" of how Yin and Yang interact with one another generally. And Yin and Yang occur in all phenomena from the microcosm to the macrocosm. 

So, the Masculine as an archetype and the Feminine as an archetype within the ideal "sacred marriage" is a lot like the water and the currents that move the water. The Feminine is the water, which is allowing and is pure stillness and being. And the Masculine is the current, that penetrates and flows through the water. And these phenomenon merge to become inseparable as there is no current without the water as the medium and there is no water that has zero current. 

The ideal Feminine is absolute being and the ideal Masculine is absolute doing. And this dichotomy is a false one because they are never separate.

So, a healthy dynamic between two people is one where their masculine and feminine are both internally and externally interacting in this way. All people have both masculinity and femininity within themselves. And then, they can interact with the masculine and feminine sides of their partner.

But for most women (who are mostly Yin/Feminine), this will feel like the man's personality is penetrating her whole experience. Like he's playing out the song of his personality through her auditory field. 

It's like being the water that surrenders and allows the waves to move through it and become one with the wave. 

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, RendHeaven said:

It won't work like that when the mainstream starts digging up your quotes.

My teachings will never be accepted by the mainstream no matter what I say or do.

I'm sick of having to qualify every thing I say and give a disclaimer for everything I say. It's like talking to children.

[Nahm]

4 hours ago, electroBeam said:

But acting like every woman or man likes BDSM and rape fantasy is incorrect. It is a generalization. The are men and women out there who would take deeply intimate, loving, caring sort of sex(the type you see when you type "passionate romantic" in porn sites) over BDSM a thousand times over.

[Origins]

It's not at all complicated.

A woman's attraction to dominance is the protection she wants to feel.

There's many different autobiographical and simple biological reasons for that and it varies by degrees and intensities from person to person, couple to couple, the same too for what a man wants to feel from a woman which is just as important.

Social intelligence here is vital.

But don't overcomplicate it, discover these simple truths then find your truth via direct experience. Strive for intense experience, because your intense will be your ideal dynamic and that'll inform you about what kind of partner is best for you.