Sadomasochistic attraction to Dominant Males

[Gesundheit]

40 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

@Leo Gura  @Eph75  @Etherial Cat  @Keyhole

Do you guys think that I should tell my current boyfriend about these fantasies and tell him to play them out with me. Would you advise that? 

Or would he think that I'm being weird because I don't want to disappoint him. 

I know you didn't ask me, but I would say don't do anything for now. You clearly are not in your optimal state. Keep observing your inner reactions until you feel enough stability to make decisions. Right now is the time for more understanding of yourself imo.

[Eph75]

@Preety_India Being authentic is important as it dictating our self-esteem and self-worth; to be able to be and express who we really are, and align with our morality. Not having that alignment reduces our self-worth and guilt and shame arises.

Feelings of irrational guilt is very destructive, and we should eliminate all aspects of irrational shame and guilt.

If you really want to enact these ideas, but you restrict yourself from doing so, out of shame or guilt, that's keeping you from being authentic.

Sometimes fantasies are only that, fantasies, and not much more, without any desire to enact them. Here the important thing here is to not let such thoughts create irrational guilt and shame.

2 hours ago, Preety_India said:

Do you guys think that I should tell my current boyfriend about these fantasies and tell him to play them out with me.

No one can give you the answers you seek, you need to come up with the answer yourself.

My advice is  develop your assertiveness, by not asking others what to do, instead use others for extended reasoning and to shine light on that which is hard for yourself to see, so that it can bring clarity, so that you find your answer.

Perhaps another advice as well; Don't take yourself nor life too seriously. Life is a mere game, it's a playground, play it well, for your enjoyment. Experiment and have fun. There's much less at stake than we make up there to be.

Edited November 24, 2020 by Eph75

[mandyjw]

What do you want from life? Who do you want to be? If you could have your dream job, position or business what would it be? Where do you want to go? What do you want to experience, see, do, feel? Start writing it all down. Go wild.

We don't often do this because we unconsciously resist what we want. Notice the thoughts that resist and let them go. 

If your deepest fantasy is someone you actually secretly desire, taking you and literally doing all the work, so you don't even have to CONSENT, well, it might point to the fact that you really, really want to give yourself permission to desire and let go of the resistance to those desires. Also, nothing is more powerful or more seductive than a woman who knows what she wants and knows she is worthy of it. 

Edited November 24, 2020 by mandyjw

[Eph75]

@Preety_India Also, as I mentioned earlier, where the guilt/shame comes from is worth exploring as well. As you probably already know, what is taboo or that which we deem is wrong or strange often carry an attraction with it. Things like this can carry an excitement with it that is coming from it in that sense being forbidden. And it can become something of an obsession/compulsion.

Making it accepted, through self-acceptance, can very well reduce, remove or change that attraction.

In any case, getting rid of the guilt is a win-win, and would be a perspective changer, regardless what the next step would turn out being.

Edited November 24, 2020 by Eph75

[F A B]

4 hours ago, Preety_India said:

Do you guys think that I should tell my current boyfriend about these fantasies and tell him to play them out with me. Would you advise that? 

Yes, tell him.

4 hours ago, Preety_India said:

Or would he think that I'm being weird because I don't want to disappoint him.

Don't worry about that.

Almost every girl I was with has those kinds of fantasies and since I like to be dominant I was really happy to find out.

[Shin]

Tell him, but also have a safeword just in case he gets carried away a bit too far

[Leo Gura]

On 11/24/2020 at 5:53 AM, Preety_India said:

@Leo Gura  @Eph75  @Etherial Cat  @Keyhole

Do you guys think that I should tell my current boyfriend about these fantasies and tell him to play them out with me. Would you advise that? 

Or would he think that I'm being weird because I don't want to disappoint him. 

He's already messed up by not fucking your brains out properly.

Every feminine woman wants to be raped by her man.

Of course clue him in on it.

Disclaimer: Obviously this assumes a context of consensual sex, not illegal activity.

[mandyjw]

1 minute ago, Leo Gura said:

 

Every feminine woman wants to be raped by her man.

That is most definitely NOT the case. 

Honest to God, this is absolutely surreal that you would say this on a public forum. 

This goes against everything women have worked so hard for decades to secure. In the not too distant past rape within marriage wasn't illegal. This place is supposed to be about progress, actualization. Maybe that was just MY fantasy. Apparently it's only about progress for those with XY chromosomes. 

[How to be wise]

7 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

That is most definitely NOT the case. 

Honest to God, this is absolutely surreal that you would say this on a public forum. 

This goes against everything women have worked so hard for decades to secure. In the not too distant past rape within marriage wasn't illegal. This place is supposed to be about progress, actualization. Maybe that was just MY fantasy. Apparently it's only about progress for those with XY chromosomes. 

Calm down. You’re overdramatising what he said. He meant that women want the man they choose to lead the sex.

Edited November 24, 2020 by How to be wise

[mandyjw]

Just now, How to be wise said:

Calm down. You’re overdramatising what he said.

The original didn't have "of course clue him in" added. And I've seen the same thing here said before. 

[How to be wise]

@mandyjw I’ve noticed that you have a sexism shadow to work on. You’re bringing it up when nobody mentioned it and was even thinking about it. You projected your sexist thoughts on what Leo was saying. 

[mandyjw]

Just now, How to be wise said:

@mandyjw I’ve noticed that you have a sexism shadow to work on. You’re bringing it up when nobody mentioned it and was even thinking about it. You projected your sexist thoughts on what Leo was saying. 

I'm sorry, but no one told Martin Luther King that he had a racism shadow to work on. Sometimes when you are actually a member of a group that isn't being seen or heard you have to speak up. 

Of course the US is ready for black male president, still not for a woman president. So what do we get instead? Trump. "Grab em' by the pussy." That's what they all want, right? Otherwise, they are just ugly butch lesbians. There's a massive collective shadow about letting women have the upper hand. Or even a say. 

 

 

[Emerald]

On 11/23/2020 at 1:50 PM, Preety_India said:

I have a certain kind of sadomasochistic attraction to Dominant males. 

I find myself in a submissive role around such men. However I'm often left feeling guilt over my attraction. 

Is this healthy attraction? 

I also get feelings where I feel like I want to be raped by such a dominant male (like a strange rape fantasy) in such a way that it repeats or continues the inner trauma in me. I don't know why I get such dark thoughts. It feels like a relief to recreate/relive traumatic scenarios because it feels like familiar attachment or at least a memory of such bonding /attachment. 

Also being controlled sexually by a dominant male creates a false sense of security, but security nevertheless. 

But I don't want any random male to do this. Only the male I'm attracted and seduced by and someone I connect with. 

These types of fantasies tend to be about control and surrender.

So, there is an extreme scenario (like a rape) that forces you into a state of surrender. And you feel that because of the extreme nature of the fantasy. The fantasy is extreme so the feeling hits harder and it really gives you some of the feelings of vulnerability and surrender... which is really what you're seeking.

BUT... you are also 100% in control because you are the puppet master of your own mind. You have total control over the fantasy rapists. They can't do anything that you don't make them do because they are figments of your imagination.

So, it gives you the ability to have a small taste of surrender that you're seeking while still being totally in control and therefore safe.

And it's likely that there are few outlets for you to truly surrender... which is why it manifests in this more fetish-y intonation of these sexual dynamics.

I have had this same fetish, and I discovered that that's what I was really seeking for.

Since doing a lot of inner exploration my more extreme and (often anger inducing) fetishes about exploitation and denigration have turned into a more wholesome intonation of the masculine/feminine dynamic with a more exalted expressions of the interplay between dominance and surrender.

 

 

 

Edited November 24, 2020 by Emerald

[How to be wise]

9 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

Of course the US is ready for black male president, still not for a woman president.

 

This is so funny. In the US, there’s actually more females than males. So if a woman president wasn’t elected, it’s because women didn’t want to elect her. Please don’t blame men for this. 

[mandyjw]

11 minutes ago, How to be wise said:

This is so funny. In the US, there’s actually more females than males. So if a woman president wasn’t elected, it’s because women didn’t want to elect her. Please don’t blame men for this. 

Why would a woman who is scared of her own power and who has been trained to be scared of her own power elect another powerful woman to lead her? She wouldn't. Kill the messenger or listen. Mother Earth is eventually gonna have her way with all of us if you don't though. 

Edited November 24, 2020 by mandyjw

[Display_Name]

55 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

I'm sorry, but no one told Martin Luther King that he had a racism shadow to work on. Sometimes when you are actually a member of a group that isn't being seen or heard you have to speak up. 

Of course the US is ready for black male president, still not for a woman president. So what do we get instead? Trump. "Grab em' by the pussy." That's what they all want, right? Otherwise, they are just ugly butch lesbians. There's a massive collective shadow about letting women have the upper hand. Or even a say. 

https://www.reddit.com/r/Rapekink/

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/My_Secret_Garden

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Forbidden_Flowers

 

These resources were eye opening. Written by women btw.

Hey, I wish it were different as I prefer slow and passionate vanilla sex myself. But the vast majority of girls only keep seeing me if i’m dominant, the more dominant the better.

It’s just masculine - feminine polarities. If you don’t identify with it, then just don’t identify with it.

 

.

 

Edited November 24, 2020 by Display_Name

[How to be wise]

11 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

Why would a woman who is scared of her own power and who has been trained to be scared of her own power elect another powerful woman to lead her? She wouldn't. Kill the messenger or listen. Mother Earth is eventually gonna have her way with all of us if you don't though. 

If women are just as sexist towards themselves as men are, nothing we can do.

Edited November 24, 2020 by How to be wise

[Guest SirVladimir]

My feminine half wants to unconditionally surrender to daddy present moment and groan and drown as God's Love pounds it for eternity, ever so deeply.

But perhaps I'm taking these metaphors too far. 

[Emerald]

21 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Normal feminine attraction.

It actually isn't "normal". But it is normative.

It's a common fetish for women because of the anti-feminine nature of the society we live in. It isn't really safe to be truly feminine here as society is not yet compatible with deep femininity. Femininity is like a plant that must be grown in acidic soil... but society has basic soil. So, most of the feminine exists in society's Shadow.

So, rape fantasies are just a symptom of the repressed femininity within the collective unconscious of society.

Mind you, it is normal to prefer the surrendering role. That's the underlying instinct. And most women would resonate with that. Being in the surrendering and receptive role IS in alignment with the feminine core. That's part of the feminine power.

But it can be difficult to align with feminine receptivity and surrender as it is so easy to conflate with submission and oppression... especially because that's one of the only expressions of feminine surrender that's collectively available to us.

So, if this desire for surrender presents itself as a fetish towards rape and other forms of exploitation, it's an indication that the woman is actually having trouble aligning with her feminine side and surrendering. It is a sign that her feminine and masculine side are in a fight. 

And with the walls up for protection, she feels like she can only surrender when forced to submit... where that which is meant to be relaxed open won't open and therefore must be torn open.

Rape fantasies exist for the purpose of imagining being stripped of agency and getting a small taste of what it feels like to let go... while also being 100% in control of the fantasy. It is surrender in the safety of your own rape fantasy.

It's what comes up when a woman's Animus (the inner man in every woman) is guarding her from being receptive.

So, her Animus is on guard and she must imagine another man (or men) to come in and break down the doorway through the intense boundary violation of the fetish, where she can have a moment where she is forced to let down her guard before the Animus closes everything back up again and pushes the even-further wounded feminine back into the Shadow immediately after the climax.

And it mirrors the feeling that surrendering is inherently unsafe and boundary breeching.

It's a sign that she sees male sexual dominance as inherently denigrating and oppressive and puts her in a space of anger and shame relative to her sexuality and it makes her sexuality feel at odds with her agency. This then usually comes out in the form of misandry and intense levels of self-protection to become the masculine to guard against the masculine.

And there are so many women struggling with this inner dynamic. That's why rape fantasies are common. It is a symptom of Animus possession and feminine repression.

So, it is actually what happens when a woman has a difficult relationship to her feminine side. 

 

Edited November 24, 2020 by Emerald

[electroBeam]

Nope, not many women want to be raped by men. 

Doing the opposite actually(showing them that you care about their feelings during sex, being gentle with them, and even expressing what you want and asking them whether they want that too) yields a very good experience.

Jeez, if your views are the product of doing pick up in Las Vegas, then sounds like Las Vegas are full of ape like hoes. And the pickup men there sound even worse. Get out of Las Vegas are try a nicer area.