Perceptions with small dose of 5 meo

[Breakingthewall]

Yesterday I did 5meo, a small vaporized dose, 5 mg approx. The reason for these small doses is that the dissolution, even if it is very brief, of my ego gives me peace and the possibility of advancing in meditation for several days. In the end, the ego takes up too much space again and meditation and contemplation becomes very difficult, although I know that the voice of the mind is false, it does not shut up, although little by little it loses strength. Normally, even if the dose is small, visions, openings occur. In this case, the following occurred: 10 seconds after inhalation, I noticed that the effect was stronger than expected, black vision with eyes open. After a few seconds, the vision, absolutely obvious, clear: reality is illusory, I am creating it in real time, at this moment (I have seen this before), but I also see that reality is a madness, a kind of infinite wheel that I can't get out of, a crazy dance. A dream, as I have read hundreds of times, without substance. I (I don't know if I, God or who) am the only one who exists, everything is my dream but I can't get out of it. I perceive that if I want peace, the perfection of the perfect eternal peace that I am, I have to finish the dream, and for that I have to die somehow, make all the reality dissapear, stop dreaming. This is not a metaphor, it is completely real: I only exist and I dream. The enormity of this is ... Enormous. What does it mean? Reality or "maya" as they say, is something, let's say ... sickness? Does it mean that I am god and I am trapped in this maya until I discover how to die? I, in the center of the wheel of madness, perceive myself as light, perfect peace, but entangled in reality. Does it mean that more than God I have perceived my current person who is trapped in the illusion of the ego? Difficult to know because the vision is undone and after a while the memory fades, there are some flashes and the memory of what what I thought after. After this there is a great sense of peace (I have already gotten used to the incredible, I'm not scared anymore), and doubts about the meaning. What I really want is to go deeper, to leave behind the layer of the concept that is sterile and false. The vision of this deeper reality is an enormous help. Believing is not the same as seeing, but questioning, trying to interpret is inevitable, especially when there are so many points in common with the spiritual tradition (Maya, etc). What is certain is that this does not come by suggestion, the vision is absolutely real, unfiltered, and also it is not sought, I only seek the momentary dissolution of the ego as "therapy".

Edited November 23, 2020 by Breakingthewall

[abrakamowse]

Great insights, thanks for sharing them @Breakingthewall

[Adamq8]

Thanks for this report ?

[Breakingthewall]

Reflecting on this I come to the following (I suppose this has been said a thousand times and sure it's only a face of the reality, not the whole). That center of being, I, God, or whatever you want to call it, on which this illusion generated at this moment revolves, is an eternal peace. Eternal because nothing happens, if you eliminate "maya" this perfect, immutable peace remains. what is something that does not change? that does not happen or pass, where there are no events or space or substance, no movement? it's nothing, by definition. All this reality is revolving around this nothingness, it is somehow an emanation of it. How is it possible? For what? Reason says: this is too perfect, it is real. But it is an emanation of that nothingness that we are. My nothing and your nothing, or that of the chair are the same, they are the same, there cannot be two, since they are nothing. They are infinite because they have no dimension, and eternal because they do not elapse. But yes, all this is very nice, but then: why is there something? How is it that a dream emanates from this nothing? Mystery . Can you get to know this? It is the same ... the difficult thing is to accept that you are nothing, that deep down you are not happening. happening is the madness of Maya, the deep reality don't happen

Edited November 23, 2020 by Breakingthewall

[cuteguy]

You are making the mistake of labeling some things as bad and other things as good. Maya or illusion is not good or bad. The "one" who calls it "bad" is what needs to be seen for what it is.

When you truly awaken, "ego" doesn't die because it is not a thing. "Ego" is just EXPOSED as an activity in you that you have mistaken yourself for.

You're on the right track, though 

[Breakingthewall]

34 minutes ago, cuteguy said:

When you truly awaken, "ego" doesn't die because it is not a thing. "Ego" is just EXPOSED as an activity in you that you have mistaken yourself for.

But how could you awake? Since you are happening you are the ego, all the illusion is ego. To awake the dream must dissapear. I Know i expressing a duality, nothingness (being)-ego(happening). At the end are the same, the base is nothingness. It's like you, god, are dreaming right now, so you, god, are sleeping, and for awake you must finish the dream, be only the eternal peace of no happening that you are, for the eternity, that is the same of dissapear. Well ,you can't dissapear because you already are nothing. Be or not be is the same. Maybe that's why you are expressing yourself in the illusion

Edited November 23, 2020 by Breakingthewall

[cuteguy]

5 minutes ago, Breakingthewall said:

But how could you awake? Since you are happening you are the ego, all the illusion is ego. To awake the dream must dissapear. I Know i expressing a duality, nothingness (being)-ego(happening). At the end are the same, the base is nothingness. It's like you, god, are dreaming right now, so you, god, are sleeping, and for awake you must finish the dream, be only the eternal peace of no happening that you are, for the eternity, that is the same of dissapear. Well ,you can't dissapear because you already are nothing. Be or not be is the same. Maybe that's why you are expressing yourself in the illusion

You're just assuming that to wake up the dream has to disappear. You must have forgot that there such thing as a lucid dream. Maya stays, but it is seen as illusion and not as reality.

When you start lucid dreaming, instead of being absorbed in the dream, you know that everything is imagination.

[Breakingthewall]

@cuteguy you are right and mostly that I said is a nonsense, because nothingness cant dream. Nothingness do nothing, if do something, like dream, it's because it isn't nothingness...well , better don't think about that too much, and try to meditate

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, Breakingthewall said:

why is there something? How is it that a dream emanates from this nothing?

Keep going. You are still stuck in a subtle duality. Realize that the dream is identical to Nothing.

[Nahm]

5 hours ago, Breakingthewall said:

the possibility of advancing in meditation for several days. In the end, the ego takes up too much space again and meditation and contemplation becomes very difficult

Advancing what? 

[Corpus]

14 minutes ago, Nahm said:

Advancing what? 

Great question/pointer!

5mg vaporized freebase is a "betwixt and between" dosage, and is still pretty impressive and potentially unsettling. Another 3-5mg and the questions cease.

[Breakingthewall]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

Keep going. You are still stuck in a subtle duality. Realize that the dream is identical to Nothing.

I will, even @Nahm say there is no progress, just be ?