How to deal with a situation where someone insults your appearance?

[Preety_India]

I have been dealing with this issue for a while now. It happened a few weeks ago when I was sitting in my office and a few of my male colleagues invited me to lunch. I went to lunch with them. 

When I was sitting and chatting with them, they initially started mocking my hair and then my appearance, really insulting me and calling me ugly and all sorts of names and insulting me. 

I was weirded out and I left the table. After that incident  I didn't speak to them. But their harsh words still affect me sometimes. 

Because looks are so intricately tied to self esteem, especially being a woman, it feels like a direct attack on my self esteem. Their shaming and insults have gotten to me. 

How to deal with situations/people who insult your looks? 

What mindset do I need to cultivate to face such situations in the future? 

 

[egoeimai]

Dear preety, I'm sorry, those ppl were not nice, so try to not think twice when that happens. I don't think there's anything you can do, only speak to yourself with nice words reminding yourself that you are beautiful and don't let it affect you in a way that doesn't serve u. When you practice that everything's gonna feel nicer in your heart and nobody could hurt u. Your opinion is the most important for yourself and most needed. No one's else. 

[Ananta]

1 hour ago, Preety_India said:

really insulting me and calling me ugly and all sorts of names and insulting me. 

Wow, very sorry about that. Guess they asked you to lunch to bully you? Thats awful ? 

1 hour ago, Preety_India said:

How to deal with situations/people who insult your looks? 

Not much you can do. Of course if your work has harassment laws and they bully you while at work then you can report them. Otherwise, avoidance is all you can do.

Looks are only skin deep and fade for everyone over time. They aren't what is most important. 

[Beginner Mind]

@Preety_India Firstly, as @Ananta said, looks fade.  Even the most beautiful people lose their beauty sooner or later.  So best not to worry too much about physical appearances.

Secondly, when you meet the right person who appreciates you, it won't matter what anyone else says.

[Opo]

@Preety_India Men do this to each other all the time.

A lot of men are afraid afraid to express love so they bust each other's balls. It's something not done in a mean way. 

It's possible that they are autistic and assumed they could treat you the same as other guys. 

They could also just be cunts. 

I've seen a girl that tried to talk like guys and she just ended up being mean. So maybe it's harder for you girls to appreciate the delicate balance of ball busting. 

Excuse my language. 

[Potato People King]

@Preety_India

They were probably just teasing you and they expected that you will laugh it off. In reality, they most likely think you are pretty :-)

In these kind of teasing situations, what I find best is to improvise. First rule of improvising is saying yes to the premise and building on it.

So for example:
A: "You are ugly."
B: "Well, at least I am not the ugliest person in the room, since you are here."

So basically you are not taking the situation seriously, you just go with the flow, the intention is to make fun of each other in a lighthearthed manner. I think british humour revolves a lot around this idea :-D

[MrBON]

The people that judge the most other people regarding their looks are the most insecure about their own looks. They are not happy and are living in their mind created prison. Talking from personal experience here with people i personally know. The people that insult you are just projecting their own shit on you.

Now i would like to be a bit pragmatic here. The only value looks have for a human being is regarding finding a romantic partner (and maybe some specific professions like being a model, bodybuilder etc but will be ignored since it is not the focus here), and therefore that is what matters. Do you struggle with meeting decent guys? Do decent guys reject you based on your looks? Are you successful with the opposite sex regarding attraction, not keeping relationships since keeping relationships has nothing to do with your looks. LOOKS ONLY MATTER REGARDING ATTRACTION. End of discussion. if you have no issues there then there is ZERO reason to give a single shit about what some insecure fucks tell you on a food table. I KNOW it hurts your self esteem and such but you can try to be a bit more utilitarian here. I am not talking about unconditional love etc since it may be too advanced at the moment. Contemplate this sentance well: LOOKS ONLY MATTER REGARDING ATTRACTION. Anything else looks are USELESS for.

[Opo]

What I was trying to explain reminds me of this. 

 

5:30-6:30

[Someone here]

Nothing much you can do to them. Just ignore them and cut your relationship with them. Or insult them back first. And then cut out with them. 

What's important is your own opinion about yourself. And here radical self honesty is required. Do you think you are ugly? Answer that for yourself. If you  genuinely don't think so then why should you give a fuck about what people say about your appearance?. If you do think you're ugly.. Do you think That matters? Or that defines who you are as a person? Did anyone choose their appearance? Obviously not. So how is it sensible to mock someone for something they didn't choose. It's like mocking a born blind person for being that way! So even if you are ugly that has zero negative value on you As a person. You know our bodies are just masks we are wearing for a while. Don't let it determine who you are. You can do a surgery and completely change your appearance upside down and become beautiful. Does that change your inner self? No. You are not a merely some skin and flesh. 

[Someone here]

Also from reading some of your posts here.. I think you need to heal some trauma. You are always kinda upset about something or someone or some people. You seem to lack acceptance. Not sure if it's for yourself or for others. But you are a bit harsh in your attitudes sometimes whether about Trump or "narcissistic" people (whatever that means) lol. Etc. So be careful with your vibe. If that's how you deal with people in real life that can be the actual reason you attract hatred and trolling. Got nothing to do with your appearance. 

Edited November 23, 2020 by Someone here

[Gesundheit]

@Preety_India Jeez! What's with people?!

22 hours ago, Preety_India said:

How to deal with situations/people who insult your looks?

You shove your shoes into their mouths and brush their teeth with the dirt on them.

I'm guessing that you treated them well at first and they took advantage of that. Just like when boys treat their sisters carelessly. You made them feel like family, and they showed their true faces.

In the case of work, you probably can't keep avoiding them forever. In case they do that again, you may have to do something physical. Some people just don't understand kindness. If it's over lunch, throwing food plates onto them and then storming out is optimal.

I don't think that'll happen ever again though because it's pretty rare to find such jerks. But in case it ever happened again, same advice above. Show them that you are strong and willing to use force to be treated well. The reason why they talked to you like that is probably because you didn't demonstrate a strong frame from the beginning, and so they knew you were vulnerable and then used your vulnerability against you. In this case, nothing will restore your identity like force.

Of course, if you're able to report them that would be the best solution, but I'm saying just in case you don't have that option. Either way, don't be afraid. They can't harm you.

[TripleFly]

You already dealt with it, you were weirded out or you responded in some way in the past when it happened, the question is why are you still unhappy? 

Deal with situations organically. Don't put up any façade, no mindset, clean, come empty and allow everything through and throughout. The only reason you got hurt, is because there was someone to get hurt by, who is that someone? find her, embrace her, and allow their evil to purify your heart.

Whatever mindset you cultivate and develop will eventually crumble and rot, as all things come to end.

Edited November 23, 2020 by TripleFly

[Byun Sean]

Nothing is personal.

how a human being treats you is not a statement about who you are but rather about who they are.

So you discovered to the extent they care about your feelings.

 

Reality is a reflection.

If their statements got to you it probably means deep down you also believe that you are ugly. The statement could only

hurt if you found some personal truth in what they said.

I believe if you loved yourself enough you wouldn't give af what other people say about your looks because you would feel beautiful from within.

 

Edited November 23, 2020 by Byun Sean

[Arcangelo]

Sorry to hear that.

You did the right thing.

 

[Applegarden]

On 2020.11.22. at 7:11 PM, Preety_India said:

I have been dealing with this issue for a while now. It happened a few weeks ago when I was sitting in my office and a few of my male colleagues invited me to lunch. I went to lunch with them. 

When I was sitting and chatting with them, they initially started mocking my hair and then my appearance, really insulting me and calling me ugly and all sorts of names and insulting me. 

I was weirded out and I left the table. After that incident  I didn't speak to them. But their harsh words still affect me sometimes. 

Because looks are so intricately tied to self esteem, especially being a woman, it feels like a direct attack on my self esteem. Their shaming and insults have gotten to me. 

How to deal with situations/people who insult your looks? 

What mindset do I need to cultivate to face such situations in the future? 

 

What you can really do is that you can re-experience those events in emotional layer to relive yourself of thek which will make the interraction like 90% easier foward.

You sit with yourself, close your eyes and then remember the event in the past exactly as it happened. So now let it get to you emotionally, remember how the event felt, example.

I was being gaslit by my neighbour. He is personally insulting me, creating fear in me, he said this and that and did this and that. Now after describing that in more detail, i notice that i am feeling bad. So now you write down how you feel - he made you feel powerless, angry, upset, envious, inferior, sad, depressed, shocked, e.c.t. and now you stop the mental argument and purely focus on the emotions experienced in emotional layer. Like feel that powerlesness as it is with no mental arguing or proving some point in your head but experience it like the feeling got to you, really and be aware of it. And keep tgat intensity of emotion. Experience it as Preety with that mindset that identity at that time and place, not as now with new information. That also works good especially with childhood traumas. Now after a while what you will experience is feeling relieved. There will be bliss in your swadishtana and manipuraka. Energy from depth will reach your body. If you do this consistently then you will see there will be even lesser subconscious reaction to the next encounters.

Or use it to become more fit and improve your eating habits, exercise routine, health, and mental fortitude with this technique.

I tend to respond with more action when I am treathened.

Just like Obama said: "Our enemies keep us on our feet."

Good luck! I might start a journal based on this technique, it is called the completion process or samskara dahana kriya or smth like that.

[Preety_India]

1 minute ago, Applegarden said:

There will be bliss in your swadishtana and manipuraka.

Whats the meaning of these words lol? I have no clue. 

These are probably Indian words but not sure. 

[Applegarden]

Just now, Preety_India said:

Whats the meaning of these words lol? I have no clue. 

These are probably Indian words but not sure. 

swadishtana - sacral centre or navel centre

manipuraka - solar plexus chakra 

In my experience with this practice, and many others these become actual physical points of bliss, but that's with chakras in general.

[mandyjw]

 “You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there's still going to be somebody who hates peaches.” - Dita Von Teese

[tsuki]

On 22.11.2020 at 6:11 PM, Preety_India said:

How to deal with situations/people who insult your looks? 

What mindset do I need to cultivate to face such situations in the future? 

@Preety_India The mindset can be described in few words, but it takes a lot of practice.

• Emotions are how the body presents its wisdom to you.
• All emotions are necessary.
• You can feel any emotion. You can understand their origin.
• You can express any emotion in any situation.
• How you respond to your emotions is up to you.
• What people feel about you is how their bodies understand your presence.
• You cannot control other people's emotions or their reactions.

[Origins]

@Preety_India Honestly all things being equal I'd punch them in the face straight away if it was really seriously that disruptive, given its a work context its difficult navigating anything outside speaking to someone analogous to who would be your human resources manager. Anyone that compromises the well being of anyone in my family faces immediate to long term repercussions, but if my member was like "NO!" and my retorts didn't work and they still wanted my advice it would be that combined with just ensuring that they address and find solace in their inner life, discover their enlightenment beyond the opinions of others and intelligently navigate the workplace territory. If it was towards me from someone else, I wouldn't be affected really, like I understand the relationship between internal and external stimuli so well that there really isn't anything that pulls me down, I know that others don't have this privilege though and to me that's when you need to find comfort in the friends and family around you seek their advice and feedback and learn to balance yourself in your inner spirit. Other than "not being affected' I'd operate strategically relative to how this affects my positioning in the workplace and my ability to perform my responsibilities. This is why I make sure I'm in charge of most situations though because I'm not the best at being below or taking someone else's lead unless I trust that person a lot or I get to perform my work by myself.