What's the point of life ? (Rant)

[Don Wei]

The last couple of weeks everything went well, I did all my schoolwork on time. I already wrote a couple of pages in my first book. I ate healthier and I felt more present. But friday that slowly started to change back the way it was before, I was gonna be as productive as possible this weekend and in a sense I was yesterday for a while. I did chores like cleaning my appartment and cooking but I did not do anything really important. I kept on pushing my important responsibilities further on my schedule until it was almost 3 o clock in the morning, and I then woke up 11 am today. It's now almost 5 pm and I haven't done shit yet. It almost feels like an invisible force is stopping me from doing anything. I tried to read a book a few minutes ago but my body literally started showing withdrawl symptons, like my body just started to get irritated and I just couldn't sit still anymore, it felt almost like when you try to hold your breath. I kept watching movies and youtube videos this weekend, but I wasn't able to enjoy anything because at the same time I was fighting myself on the inside to stop and start doing important things. It felt like I was running away from something but I don't know what. Sometimes I listen to music to avoid this feeling, this emptiness and melancholy. I don't even know what i'm looking for, but it feels like I have never been happy my entire life and I feel there is something much greater. When I look around I sometimes feel like everything around me is not real, it feels like i'm sleeping and it stresses me out that I won't fucking wake up because this is just real life and not a dream. 

I know this is a very confusing post but I don't know how else to describe it. There are certain things I want to do, decisions I want to make that I think will make me happier, or more peaceful like studying, meditating, going to the gym, eating healthy, improving my dating life, learning by watching self help on youtube or reading books about, learning more about anything really, etc. And i've done much of this but it feels like nothing really makes me feel complete or happy, I don't know how else to describe it. I think there is a feeling that every human wants to feel and I know already that no amount of self improvement can ever give you that, no amount of money, status, knowledge, women, achievement etc. For example I first thought that being in a relationship would make happy, that didn't happen. Then I decided to explore redpill and get sex, I don't know if i'm the only guy who thinks this way but it's not as great or satisfying as I expected it to be. I got in an amazing university in a first world country and I still feel like shit at this moment, so what is the point of life ? This is just a cycle that's going to repeat itself untill I die. I work hard to get something that's supposed to make me happy, then it doesn't, then I try something better and maybe I fail and achieve my goals a bit later because of it. But no matter what I do, I always feel the same on the inside. And at the same time I feel a fear to be like most people, I am afraid to not finish and publish my book, and also to fail in university and basically die dissapointed when I get old. I'm 18 years old and I already feel like I missed out on so much shit. I don't want to keep feeling like that.

Sorry if this post was too long but I wrote what came to mind, there must be something i'm missing, something bigger and better that i'm not seeing right ? I don't believe this is the absolute truth, there has to be something better. Anyways thanks for listening if you came to this point 

[Preety_India]

God you're just 18. Give yourself a break. 

I didn't even think all this when I was 18. Let life happen. 

 

[Megan Alecia]

The point is to find the truth in everything. From truth you'll receive love. ❤️ 

[Byun Sean]

The counterintuitive thing about happiness is the more you try to seek happiness, the more unhappy you are.

 

In fact, the only way you can be unhappy is if you are somehow resisting or unaccepting of whatever is in front of you now.

Decide your happy with whats in front of you. Decide your grateful for what you have. Right now. Do it. It's your choice.

 

But of course somewhere deep down your mind doesn't want to be happy without getting all those material and spiritual things you listed because that

would mean risking the possibility you might not motivate yourself to get them.

Being happy doesn't serve our survival.

 

Fulfillment however, is a different thing. You will have highs and lows in life. Times where you feel happier than others.

The more spiritual work you do and the more you self actualize the more fulfilling your life will become.

 

Happiness is a choice to accept this moment as it is.

Fulfillment is like a baseline feeling of goodness within you that never go's away no matter what the external circumstance is.

 

I'd say you gotta sit down and think about what you really want out of life. Remind yourself what you really want. Are you willing to bleed for it like you

are right now? Where is your life headed with this work? How worth it is it? How rewarding is it gonna be in the end when you look back at all the 

good times and the hard times and think "god damn I lived through that."

[mmKay]

Tip : separate your sentences or paragraphs, was quite painful to read all lumped together with no spacing. 

The default state is happiness. You feel unease because you distract yourself from emptiness with tasks and chores, when what you have to do us ground yourself in the emptiness. That would be a massive step up in terms of growht. 

Watch leos vid on " You are not happy because you dont want to " , understanding meaning, value and purpose" And "what is happiness"

 

[DianaFr]

I remember when I was about 20, I was once on my way home from university and this sudden realization hit me – is this really all there is? Is this going to be my life? Is this it? It was a weird feeling because since the age of 16 my dream was to study biology, and now I was doing it, I was studying biology, but did it make me happy? No, it didn’t! Even doing the one thing that absolutely captivated me couldn’t make me happy. I later found out that indeed there was so much more to life than my 20-year-old self could have ever captured, happiness included. So keep asking those big questions and keep looking for what is missing. The point of life is that there is none, unless you take the time to make the point.

[Eren Eeager]

@Don Wei Change happens slowly and you will fail many times in sustaining change, this how it works. You have just to keep a positive attitude and keep trying over and over again. Try also to be gentle with yourself and understand it's needs. Your self was always addicted to entertainment and doing all these silly things and you cannot just oneday decide to become invincible and do all the things you want to do. This will never work, and you might actually end up in damaging and traumatizing yourself by doing things. Small steps with determination makes the change. I have failed many many times in making change, and it made me sometimes depressed. But now After all these failures I can push myself to the right direction and it won't resist. The self will become more mature overtime and will eventually surrender to your lead. It just needs time. Just keep pushing bro, your vision Wil become real, just keep being positive. 

Edited November 23, 2020 by Eren Eeager