I live in the United States for almost 20 years but No I'm not American.  I'm 40+.  Married to an older person.  No I didn't marry a rich person.  If I don't work, I will suffer all by myself when I retired.  No kids.  I'm not showing here where I'm originally from cuz I tend to get prejudice when I say it -- from my experience.  Also I have self-confidence issue due to my upbringing, verbal abuse from my father <-- that's what my counselor told me.  I sort of 'escaped' from my family -- to an ocean away (US) all by myself.  My only family is pretty much my partner, who is older than me.  Oh I got issues . . . That's why I need to be self-actualized / enlightened.   As I wrote, I'm not young like most of the people here.  I'm 40+.  I'm desperately looking for where I can fit in.  I hope this forum accept me.   Lately I quitted my job.  This is my first time in my life that I'm not working nor going to school.  I've been depressed a while.  A month ago, Real Bad depression hit.  I started small dose of anti-depressant.  Since then, my mood never bottom down.   As recommended by my counselor, I started reading some books: David Richo's "The Five Things We Cannot Change" and Barry Long's "Knowing Yourself."  Some parts of the books soothed me.  But I'm not a book-reader, so I'm kinda tired of reading now.  Started yoga.   I know I got to look for a job.  But now, I'm like, "What for?"  I lost motivation to go on.  If I don't work and earn money now, I'll regret later when I retired.  <-- Logically I know that, but I just can't motivate myself to go on.  People will say, "Something good will happen later so you got to go on!"  I want to know what kind of "good thing" will happen?   Reading those books, I noticed that 'something' changed in me.  I lost 'material desire' and I became more careless for how other people think of me.  I wear pretty much same kinda clothes and I don't put make up lately.   I'm an introvert.  After quitting job, I rarely talk to anybody.  The reason why I'm writing this is that I want somebody to kick my ass.  Motivate me in whatever way . . but for what??  <-- This is my problem.   It took 1 day to write this post for me.  Gosh I'm so timid.  Thank you for your time reading my long sloppy English.