My Path Of Becoming Fully Self-expressive

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As I am writing this journal, a little bit of anxiety and  fear arises. I am " AWARE THAT I AM AWARE" of the fear and the anxiety, though. That is good, bro   

What I mean by self-expression, in this journal,  is mostly my communication skills, which of course (will) help me in many areas of my life. 

It's been a while since I am following Leo. It's exactly 330 days. So far so good. No Porn. No addictions. No Depression. No Overthinking.   I am not going to let my  EGO  trick me into telling you that WOOOW I am so good. I have become great at this, that...bla..bla..bla. Instead, I (should) be  RADICALLY HONEST. While being RADICALLY HONEST, I have to admit that there is still a lot for me to do  wheeeee!!

MY PLAN OF BECOMING FULLY SELF-EXPRESSIVE. 

Before I write the plan, I would like to state the following; throughout my life, I have not been good at expressing myself, communicating well, or being social. That creates for me a lot of problem with friends, classmates, family members, neighbors, ect. 

(WHY) DO I WANT TO BECOME FULLY SELF-EXPRESSIVE  

I want to become fully self-expressive because...  

• It (will) help me a lot  in my career. 
• It (will) help me a lot in becoming more and more social.
• It (will) help me a lot in convincing my  parents or my family on anything I want to do.
• It  (will) help a lot when I am a father: When I am teaching my sons to become good human beings.
• It (will) help me a lot in my future in general.
• I cannot be authentic with being fully self-expressive...

 

Quote

“Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself.” 
― Harvey Fierstein

 

 

 

 

HOW DO I BECOME FULLY SELF-EXPRESSIVE

The first start is keeping in touch with this journal. And rewriting the actions I take everyday. I (should) honestly write whatever happens during my practice; both the good and the bad I make.  

•  I (shall) write three pages of stories in my local language, which Moroccan dialected Arabic. I should write two to three pages of random stories, I found on the net. I write them, memorise them, and then speak them out in front of the mirror. 
• I (shall) practice some exercises to open my mouth more. I use the techniques of singing, which also helps in communicating. Here is the first technique I am trying:  The instant vocal fix; This is a quick trick that makes you sound better instantly so I called it the “Instant Fix”. Say A-E-I-O-U (watch your jaw movement in the mirror). Did your jaw close on any of the vowels? Chances are your jaw closed on the E and the U – and most likely on others too, if not all of them. Take your first two fingers and pull your jaw down 2 inches (or even better – use a plastic bottle cap or a cork (wine) to prop your jaw open). And speak the vowels again. And repeat again (we’re trying to re-program muscle memory – so the more the better). Now sing the vowels on one pitch. A-E-I-O-U. Your goal is to keep your jaw open (long not wide) without closing for all of your vowels. Repeat until you can do it. Now sing a phrase of one of your songs – and make sure your jaw opens to the same position on all of your vowels. You have to practice this a bunch before it becomes natural – but the more you do, the sooner this new movement is programmed into your muscle memory. And  you might be one of those lucky ones who notice the improvement in the sound right away (it will sound louder and more resonant with less vocal strain). If you don’t – don’t sweat it – you will. It just takes a little practice. (You might have some unwanted tension in your neck, jaw and throat muscles – try loosening them up and try it again.) The next time you perform open your jaw more on your vowels — it’s a quick trick that makes you sound better instantly!( from http://caricole.com/)  This, I (will) do for 30 mins. And for 1:30 or more, I (will) start speaking out the stories. I don't think it matters how I speak at first.  
• 3 Hour Strong Determined Sitting meditation; oops! This is gonna be the hardest part, maybe!! but anyway, Before practicing, I promised myself to do a 3 hours strong determined sitting, because it (will) help me a lot to focus while speaking. That's the purpose of it as I have experienced.  
• I (will) try to practice mindfulness while I am speaking as well.    
• Overall, I (shall) use different techniques and choose the right one in order to be ruthlessly effective at self-expression. 

(When) Do I Want To See Myself becoming more and more self-expressive 

 It doesn't matter, really!! but I still have to see progress during 6 months or 12 months as Leo stated in one of his videos. That's the sign that will tell me, I am in the right direction. 

(Where) am I going to Practice? 

•   I (will) practice in the bathroom in front of the mirror, because any other place (will) be distracting.  
• I ( will) go out more with friends. 
• I ( will) start a training in a private school, so it (would) be a good place to work on my self-expression.  

(Who) Am I Going To Practice With? 

No one simply, because no one is interested, but I (will) try to put myself in social situations. I (will) also try to befriend talkative MOTHERFUCKERS!!   

The first day is today...

Ok? cool? Ready? Go!! 

 

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Day Number 1: 6/9/2016

 

3 hour strong determined sitting: I was not able to do. I did only 1:30. It was really hard, because I am used to doing 40 mins per session. 

Doing The instant Vocal FIx for 30 minutes: I did 15 mins only. It was good though, because it helped me to speak out more naturally.  

Talking for 2 hours in front of the mirror: Done!! I did it. I talk to myself repeating a random story in my native language. 

It was in this day when I went to register for the university. I met a random guy, and I talked to him confortably. 

Quote

When there is a will, there is a way  

 

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Day Number 2: 7/9/2016 

As usuall the same rouuuutine 

Quote

"You are what you repeatdly do, excellence then is not a skill, but a habit"  

3 Strong Determined Sitting: Failed again!! I know it is the hardest part. 

Talking To Myself for 2 hours In The Mirror: Almost done. I don't rememeber wether it was 2 hours or not, but I talked for too long

Doing The Instant Vocal Fix For 30 Mins: I did it, and I was so exicted. 

The reason why I did not fail today in the two tasks is because I was going to have an interview with a call center. So, I was trying to work on my communication skills beforehand. 

I did the first interview on phone. I felt stressed, but I could manage it through mindfullness. I need to start learning or revising French again, because it is super important in my country. 

 

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Day Number 3: 8/09/2016  

Today was the day when I had the interview in a call center. I woke up a bit stressed. I went to the interview, but I failed, because I did not do very well in the French written test. I came home very disapointed.  However, I was able to handle my stress by practising mindfullness. It was so different than last year when I used to go to interviews. I used to be verryyy stressed. 

3 Hours Strong Determined Sitting: Failed. I did only 30 mins!!! 

Talking To Myself for  Hours In The Mirror: Failed! I was soo tired when I came back home. 

Doing The INstant Vocal Fix For 30 Mins: Failed also. lol 

 

Aaaaanywayyy 

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Day Number 4: 9/09/2016 

I had nothing to do today. I was searching for a job online, while also working on my commnucations skills. I do now see how my financial situations keeps me stuck. ugh! I have to fix it this month, so I can work on all other areas. 

 

3 Hours Strong Determined Sitting: Failed. I did only 1 hour. 

Talking To Myself In The Mirror For 2 Hours: Done

Doing The Instant vocal Fix For 30 mins: Done.  

 

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Day Number 5. 10/09/2016

I have Nothing To write today!!!

3 Hours Strong Determined Sitting: Failed for the 5th time. FUCK !! I feel myself close to it, though. Because the pain in my legs is decreasing. Another obstacle is the noise at home. I probably need to wake up early and do it.

2 Hours Talking In Front Of The Mirror:  failed!! I talked to myself for 1 hour, but I could not keep talking to myself for 2 hours.  

30 Mins Of Doing The Instant Vocal Fix: Done. I felt my jaw stretching and getting flat. It made it easier for me to talk naturally.

 

Quote

Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself"-Rumi 

 

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                                                                Disclaimer  

Because I have got a job in a call center, I am not going to follow with the old part of this journal. Things will be added: Real life interaction where I will have to be or act an extrovert. Communications on steroids with the customers we call everyday. The way I used those techniques in real life, ect. Because I won't have time, I will update the journal each weekend. However, I will write the notes on my notebook. Really, making some progress   

 

Here are the new things I need to work on instead of the old one.  

 

Giving compliments to my colleagues: Observe the person on the face. Once he or she looks you in the eyes, smile and send the compliment. 

The Flooding Smile: Observe the person, once he or she looks you in the eyes, throw the flooding smile. Don't pause your smile till the other person smiles back. 

Working On My Small Talk Skills:  I have a great book on small talk. I will use different techniques and see how it goes