Never hit on the first date?

[KingEnergy]

My driving instructor who is very good with women and has had lots of women his life just told me this.

He would meet a girl, and just have a playful and friendly convo with her (not in a beta way), then ask her out or ask her for dinner at his place. His golden rule was to never do anything at the first date.  Just have nice convo and dinner, make her feel like you’re a guy that she wants in her life and make her feel comfortable. Of course he said to flirt with her but not in a needy way. 
 

So he would never fuck and rarely kiss on the first date. But he said that this is what seperates him from other guys and why those women always came back for him, because hes not needy.

Anyone else have experience with this strategy?

[flowboy]

I think it's good, and I would be interested in doing it this way some more.

However, having it as a rigid plan of attack is not necessary once you learn to feel into when the girl wants to be kissed.

When I used to be too nervous on dates to feel into anything, I would just force myself to do it, always. Because it would lead to more learning - and statistically to more success. Because there's many dates where the girls want you to make a move, and if you pussy out, they get disappointed and lose interest. And in the cases where they are not ready - at least you communicated intent, and that you have the balls to make a move. A rejected kiss doesn't put you out of the game: if you handle it well, you can just try again 5 minutes later with a high success rate.

So I'd say that when you're too nervous to properly feel into the situation, or you need to sharpen your calibration with experience, it's better to just go for it always. You lose more if you don't. And if you do and it goes wrong, you still communicated that you would escalate, which is important.

What the driving instructor is describing only works because his body language and vibe subcommunicates that he would have the balls to kiss and escalate, without having to do it. It's kind of like how people who get a black belt just walk more confidently, they subcommunicate that they can handle themselves, and as a result they won't get challenged and be required to demonstrate it often.

So when you feel in yourself that you're radiating that level of masculine intent, you don't need to robotically go for the kiss anymore, and can actually play with that tension and tease the girl with it, even. (this is playing with fire though)

My most recent first dates went sort of like this, I'd say. I was just over for a cup of tea. I knew she could feel my masculine polarity and intent. But there was not enough time, so we just chatted and hugged. Then she arranged a second date and I could sense when she was craving the kiss. So then we could take our time for it.

Edited November 19, 2020 by flowboy

[flowboy]

Oh and I recommend not hitting a girl on any date

[Leo Gura]

That strategy can def work if you are pateient enough for it. But many will never agree to come to your house for a first date. Inviting a woman to your house for a first date is a bad move unless you know she really likes you. You will have far more luck doing the most low-investment date, which is a coffee near your house.

[Origins]

@KingEnergy I don't "strategise". If I really like a woman, there's no way I'd want to rush things, instead I want to feel every motion of the relationship, the anticipation, the tension, the fear of loss, her consciousness, her presence beyond.

Outside of this: It's fuck and whatever I don't really give a damn whatever happens happens between us. Maybe we'll become friends, maybe she's a smart person to hit up every once in a while and talk to about something, maybe this, maybe she invents freaking new rainbows in her dreams I don't know. Doesn't matter.

NOT when I really like someone though and even if it doesn't workout between us that's okay, to me that's a part of feeling the ebb and flow of what is real, true, honest and pure. If its really meant to be that we end up having sex soon then so be it though I honestly believe that spoils it, but its not at all on the cards because obviously when you really like someone its more than just their sexuality because you've got that with other people you don't like as much anyhow. No, when I get that feeling, I love to explore it, discover its truth, how it changes with every interaction, see where it flows, how it lives inside of either or both of us, see how it paints my world and potentially there's as well. 

You've gotta get outta group think and wonder about how YOU want to orient your life, take charge of how YOU see the world, screw everyone else other than learning from their experiences. Most people are totally and utterly moronic, and then there are those special few... And sometimes they're also so much more than their intelligence and beauty, and there's so much more between the two of you...

You've got your biological "laws" and then outside of that its your direct experience at least I think we're meant to individually discover the truth of.

Edited November 20, 2020 by Origins

[Origins]

And I don't even mean any of what I said that could be interpreted negatively in a bad way, I just say it how I see it.

I'm a true firm believer in integrating all of reality, life isn't about sleeping with other people its just a function of our bodies and our experience and how we can share and express that experience. It's not a big deal. Every one person that you come into come into contact with, no mater how hateful, no matter how _____, if you're able to appreciate them for their existence in the grand scheme of collective existence and understand how they fit in the larger and smaller narrative of life, to the extent you're able to do so @KingEnergy you will live so much more of a fulfilling experience and be able to share that fulfilment and the energy of that with a special someone when you've both found one another. This doesn't mean don't judge, no judge away, but we need to learn to judge accurately, this doesn't mean with hateful intent either although it may be a vital strategy at the time, it just simply means learning to differentiate what, how and why something is and all the nuances involved there so you know not only how they fit into larger narratives but how they should or possibly could and if so how they could fit into your world if that at all has any relevance. The human experience has a spectrum of functional behaviour to dysfunctional behaviour, so if we're unable to accurately judge those who exhibit dysfunctional behaviour that is to our detriment, to the extent this is ongoing it will be to the contraction of our potential, right to sovereignty and what good we can serve the world; thus judgement has both survival and more existential purposes.

Just thought I should clear up any easy misinterpretations of what I said.

Best.

Edited November 20, 2020 by Origins

[Display_Name]

20 hours ago, KingEnergy said:

My driving instructor who is very good with women and has had lots of women his life just told me this.

He would meet a girl, and just have a playful and friendly convo with her (not in a beta way), then ask her out or ask her for dinner at his place. His golden rule was to never do anything at the first date.  Just have nice convo and dinner, make her feel like you’re a guy that she wants in her life and make her feel comfortable. Of course he said to flirt with her but not in a needy way. 
 

So he would never fuck and rarely kiss on the first date. But he said that this is what seperates him from other guys and why those women always came back for him, because hes not needy.

Anyone else have experience with this strategy?

In my experience this is actually a terrible approach that doesn’t play out as intended. Almost all girls I didn’t sleep with on the first date, ghosted and never saw me again. It would never work for me. This idea that girls don’t want sex on the first date is an outdated misconception. Often it will only place you in the beta provider category and they will go find another man who leads strong and goes for what he wants. This is especially the case in a sexually liberated city like Berlin, less the case in more conservative areas. It depends.

Edited November 20, 2020 by Display_Name

[Leo Gura]

It depends on where you're getting the girl from. If you're getting her from the nightclub, you need to sleep with her that night because the next day she will lose her mood and never call you again.

But if you get her from more day-game and social circle, then you can afford to be much more patient.

[Gesundheit]

Quite a misleading title though.

[JosephKnecht]

23 hours ago, KingEnergy said:

His golden rule was to never do anything at the first date.

This strategy works for conservative girls who prefer to get to know the guy before doing anything.

However, if you invite a more "liberal" girl to your place and you don't give her what she wants, you won't see her again. 

If you are implementing strategies, it's best to adapt your strategy to the girl.

But, the best strategy is not to have a strategy. 

 

[Shin]

That looks super rigid.

You can do whatever you want as long as you guess her cues correctly.

Like Joseph said, best strategy is no strategy, cause you want to do what feels right in the moment (intuition), instead of being mechanical (unconscious).

You can kiss a girl after only 30 minutes (or less) if there is chemistry, and sleep with her a few hours later.

Just need to push a little deeper everytime you see positive cues.

[DavidCarter]

On 11/19/2020 at 9:55 PM, KingEnergy said:

My driving instructor who is very good with women and has had lots of women his life just told me this.

He would meet a girl, and just have a playful and friendly convo with her (not in a beta way), then ask her out or ask her for dinner at his place. His golden rule was to never do anything at the first date.  Just have nice convo and dinner, make her feel like you’re a guy that she wants in her life and make her feel comfortable. Of course he said to flirt with her but not in a needy way. 
 

So he would never fuck and rarely kiss on the first date. But he said that this is what seperates him from other guys and why those women always came back for him, because hes not needy.

Anyone else have experience with this strategy?

Bad experiences teach a lesson. Thanks for sharing!

[Globalcollective]

On 19/11/2020 at 4:25 PM, KingEnergy said:

My driving instructor who is very good with women and has had lots of women his life just told me this.

He would meet a girl, and just have a playful and friendly convo with her (not in a beta way), then ask her out or ask her for dinner at his place. His golden rule was to never do anything at the first date.  Just have nice convo and dinner, make her feel like you’re a guy that she wants in her life and make her feel comfortable. Of course he said to flirt with her but not in a needy way. 
 

So he would never fuck and rarely kiss on the first date. But he said that this is what seperates him from other guys and why those women always came back for him, because hes not needy.

Anyone else have experience with this strategy?

Yeah its all dependent on the girl you have to get good at see what she actually wants. Some want to sleep wit you on the first date.  Ive had dates last less than 20mins before we had sex and some 3 dates. Women will never directly tell you, you have to learn how to subtly find out by testing the waters very slightly and if she reciprocates keep going if not pull back. Its an art its like pulling in the fishing line, pull to hard it will snap pull to little shell get away. Practice is the ket but every women is different and there is no one shoe fits all strategies you have to be fluid and dynamic. You will be surprised how many girls would of slept with you in the past if you just escalated.