The Reasons Why I Should Do Pick-up

[Chuck]

This is my first post here and I would love to hear some honest feedback on this.

I think this story is typical of those who are very successful in certain domains of life e.g. education, business, finance, etc but struggle with having relationships with the opposite sex.

I have a superior education, as I finished 3 universities (1 Bsc and 2 Msc). The 2nd one was a top business school in Germany and the third one was a top business school in England. I speak two foreign languages, which is rare if you consider that I am Russian.

After leaving my last university without any effort I set up a profitable business, so that now I can focus on other things in my life.

Also, I started meditating and contemplating, which brought me a relatively short but powerful enlightenment experience as well as some minor revelations.

I am doing sports regularly and run a half-marathon.

And I am only 24 year-old.

It seems that I managed to accomplish all these things because I was concerned with the opinion of others and wanted to be better than the rest. 

For this very reason I struggled with relationships and had a very limited experience with girls. After attending public speaking courses I was advised to try pick-up. I realised that I could not approach girls, unless a had a flower in my hand to give to them or some other tangible excuse to talk to them. 

Another thing about me is that I was heavily addicted to porn for the last 7 years, though I realised it only three years ago. I've been trying to stop it since then but I could not for a long period of time. I realised that the only way to really become free is to start dating girls and replace my addiction with something else, even if it is another addiction. 

Because of the two aforementioned reasons I decided to attend pick-up courses. 

This has been incredibly painful, as I am a nice guy and a gentlemen: breaking my rose glasses was not a nice experience. Despite this, it was also incredibly rewarding, as I know now how the opposite sex thinks and what it wants. I learnt how to pay compliments, entertain girls and be fun around them. I believe that if I continue this I would be able to solve my remaining problems. 

In terms of spiral dynamics, I think I was on the green level but now I decided go back to the orange one. Though it is hard, I believe I need to get handle of relationships and significantly improve my communication skills before going forward. If it means that in the process I may harm girls a little bit by not being a gentleman and by having one-night stands this should be ok. 

Is anyone here also thinks that being on the green level is no good, unless you already solved all your problems and issues? I also believe that thinks that you may learn in pick-up are not anyhow less life-changing than those that you realise by doing consciousness work. I had a limited exposure to the both and I guess you do need to get handle on relationships e.g. overcome your approach anxiety, learn how to flirt, etc before focusing on enlightenment. What do you guys think? 

 

[Yang Noctus]

@Chuck I admire the succes you have accomplished! I'm just reading the book ''The Game: penetrating  the secret society of pick-up artists'' and if you want to do pick-up i suggest you read it for a core understanding of the deep mechanics and background information. What i've learned so far is that especially ''nerds & nice guys'', Smart people who don't have a lot of confidence around women tend to become heavily involved in pick-up. I don't know if you watched ''A rant against the pickup community'' on youtube, a video made by Leo. But it made me more aware. I will do pick-up to get more confident with women and maybe to get laid once in a while if the connection is great and I do it responsibly. But personally I do it from a place of inner woundedness. The ''need'' to do pick-up for me is a combination of biological drives and also a (sub)concious desire for approval and validation. to make my wounded inner child feel good. Pick-up is great but it's an external solution to problems. It's just like a drug addiction. Getting laid and getting good results with women will fix things on a surface level but deeper issues it will not solve. And I do enlightenment work simultaneously with pick-up. It's possible, but i do it more as a preperation for a later stage in my life when I will have built a strong ego and resolved my emotional issues so that I can intensify my enlightenment work then. But my main focus is to adress the core issues of my wounded inner child with therapy to fix the problem at the core and do pick-up for the surface results.

Edited September 6, 2016 by Yang Noctus
forgot something woops

[reez]

@Chuck @Yang Noctus

I would not suggest you do pickup. At least not in the definition I see as pickup. Try to get better with women, learn what they are attracted to and get rid of that "nice guy". But do not approach women in the same order to try and get better with your "PUA skills".

I suggest reading "No More Mr. Nice Guy" - Robert Glover and after you've read that one you can go to "Models" - Mark Manson.

When you have got a strong foundation you can (if you want to) go into the PUA forums and get those products to get a deeper understanding.

[Yang Noctus]

@reez  I read ''No More Mr. Nice Guy'' but ''Models'' feels like a book that resonates with me! Thanks for the suggestion!

 

[Tancrede Pouyat]

You should do pickup because you want to. And that's the only reason why you should do pickup. Just like certain people should go blow themselves up at football games and metal concerts in Paris because they want to.

But, apart from the whole morality thing, I found that in personal development, you start out going one direction, and then you do the exact opposite. Right now you want to do pickup. That's awesome. One day, you'll stop doing pickup because you won't want to.

Like Leo said, there are other ways to do PD. And it's true, but you ultimately need to take responsibility and do what you want to do. Just as long as you keep growing internally. And not fall into the trap of hedonism. Make your life the most meaningful to you.

[Capethaz]

@Chuck Man, you have to ask yourself what you really want at this point of your life. If you want a girl right now, go for it. But keep meditating.

[aurum]

Pickup was great for me while I was into it. Currently in a relationship with a girl I would never have "gotten" before pickup. In fact, we met when I was doing Game with a wing one night at a bar.

It inspired to take up self-development because of the whole idea that attraction is not what you do, but who you are. I figured if this is what I needed to do to get laid, fine. I never would have done that otherwise, and holy shit what a mistake that would have been. I shudder to think how my life would have turned out if I hadn't found self-dev.

So follow your intuition. I know people here are generally against pickup because it seems egotistical / manipulative, but that's not how I see it. If you understand spirituality, than you understand that anything can be a spiritual practice, even picking up girls. It depends how you go about it.

 

[Chuck]

Thank you guys for so many comments. I really appreciate them.

I have been thinking more about it lately and seem to found a personal pick-up/relationship couch out of nowhere, who is for some reason eager to help me.

I also realised that if you want to push yourself in the direction that is against all your values it can be useful but you cannot sustain it for any meaningful amount of time and you will definitely sabotage yourself. This was for me the case with pick-up. I did get dates but I was reluctant to call back girls because I did not subconsciously see any point in having short-term relationship and because all this manipulative game repelled me. 

Another interesting thing that happened to me was when things turned out bad and a girl that was into me and who I was about to have sex soon decided to cancel our date at my place. So, it instantly occurred to me that she somehow realised that I was doing it only because of pick-up and our relationship was not 100% genuine. So, I stopped going to this pick-up course of mine and decided to approach relationships from another less manipulative perspective. Because I simply couldn't go against myself and pretend to be someone that I am not.