The Aware Eye

[Preety_India]

This is a special journal. An attempt to understand how awareness directs our lives in the most meaningful ways. 

 

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The eye sees it all. 

 

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Whatever you embody becomes your nature. 

 

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Self analysis. 

I was a person who needed a little bit of a push in life, a little bit of a nudge. A little bit of a guidance, a little bit of knowledge and I would do perfectly fine. 

All I needed was that. 

Yea I remember being a very childish girl when I was 18. Very naive. Not having any sense of maturity back then. 

So much has changed since my teen years. 

I am not the person I was in 2015. I have come a very long way. 

I have gained so much. 

I have learned so much. 

I have become so matured. At least I would like to believe so. 

In the last 5 years my relationships with men have taught me so much. 

I was disciplined in my relationships. 

But I always attracted wrong men. It was my blindness and my overly trusting character. 

But whatever happened , it all happened for good reasons. 

Maybe life had to throw those curveballs so I could grow up really quickly. 

So that I could learn really fast. 

 

[Preety_India]

Also I always being this hyper curious person since a very young age. 

Even as a child I was curious about every little thing. 

I had this insatiable appetite for growing and learning. I could consume vast amounts of information in a short period of time and I would devour books and textbooks and TV 

. Anything I could get my hands on. 

I was insatiable 

Very high appetite for information. 

I think one of the reasons being that I always felt that I was always left behind everyone. 

I felt deprived. Because I suffered great social anxiety. 

That's why I always felt that people knew more than me or that they learned more than me. 

This made me very deprived and subsequently very opportunistic and competitive. 

I was always too interested in learning. 

I always felt like time was running out and I always had to compress vast amounts of information in very short periods of time. 

This is how I was. 

I always wanted to speed up my growth. 

Today im proud of who I am 

 

One reason being that I worked fucking hard. Very hard. I worked till death to come this far in my growth 

I turned every stone to do my max best to get growth in life. 

 

I knew I had to be the best and do the best 

 

Had I got family support I would have done even better. 

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Last 3 years starting 2017 were exceptionally painful years of my life 

 

Especially because of the abuse by Joseph. 

My health began to deteriorate very badly 

The abuse was too much to endure. I wanted to break that relationship many many times. 

I have absolutely no clue why I wasn't matured enough to break it immediately. 

Why did I endure so much. 

Part of the reason is that I was too exhausted by my second last relationship and I kinda pushed myself into a new relationship immediately without any rest or gap 

It was happening all so fast. 

One relationship after another. 

But so far okay. I don't wish to have that happen again. 

 

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But what I have come to. 

I still feel much better. 

Things are good. 

Better. 

 

[Preety_India]

I was thinking about the inner voice. 

There are just so many names for this. 

The inner voice 

The sacred voice 

The mysterious voice 

The voice of truth. VOT 

The voice of guidance. VOG. 

The voice of God. 

The voice of Awareness 

The intuitive voice.. 

Edited November 19, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

 

Eyes in the dark. 

 

 

 

 

The mirror 

 

The eyes that are aware.. Those eyes see you. Feel you. Know you. Speak to you. The voice of God is reflected through those eyes. 

 

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This journal is metaphorical. 

The eyes that are aware speak with a voice of reason. 

 

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One thing is to get rid of all attachments. 

 

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One thing that you need to learn is to completely let go. 

That absolutely nothing is really important in life. 

Nothing is worth cherishing. 

Except those who we held dear to us. 

He taught me strength and I'll always remember that till my death. He was my power and my pride. People don't die. They are simply eternal..

 

Edited November 19, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Remember that whatever you want is a shadow within you.

Anything you want really hard is a shadow. 

Anything you reject is a shadow. 

 

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The eyes that watch me are pure. That are full of love. 

The voice that speaks to me is full of love. 

Literally brought me to tears. All this love that was always waiting for me since so long. 

 

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I'm slowly moving towards greater truths 

I have no sense of feeling around me. Everything feels still. Like time has come to a halt. 

I think of my childhood. I think of my dad. 

I used to call him Daddy. 

My eyes are filled with tears. 

I loved him so much. 

Like every other great thing, he had to die. 

But a part of me will always be with him in heaven. 

 

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Block Empathy. Don't try to create a bridge. 

The beauty of spirituality is that it's pure as snow. 

Spirituality is a crystallization process 

Spirituality is pure truth. 

Spirituality is about allowing pure truth to speak up.and when that happens everything goes silent. 

Pure truth only speaks when you are deeply wounded. When you realize that everything is nothing. 

When you realize that everything looked so important only because you gave it so much importance. 

When this pure truth penetrates your heart like a ray, your mind becomes as clear as pure water and your emotion is that of complete freedom and liberation. 

Try to feel this liberation. 

Every thought in your mind gets exposed for what it is. 

Remember God wants you to grow. Always. 

Now block that empathy. Because when you show empathy to a person who doesn't deserve it, you create a victim or at least assist in manufacturing a victim. they don't deserve your empathy. So block it and don't try to build a bridge with them. You need to show them that it's okay if they hate you and that you don't need them. There's absolutely no need to please them. 

So you're thinking in your mind that you just can't offend a person and you don't want to see them offended although you did nothing to offend them, that's because your thinking is wrong. The mindset is wrong. It's far away from a pure mindset. It's a flawed mindset and a flawed mindset will always create problems through Karmic attachments and burdens. 

You need to correct that mindset and bring it to a more pure mindset 

 

When you do this you will simultaneously experience liberation. 

Be an Empowered Victim..Make an Empowered Statement. And Find Healthy Alternatives. 

That is..... 

I am talking to myself here . 

Letter to myself 

I understand that you went through a lot of trauma and abuse. 

That altered you in some ways. And what happened is that it corrupted your mind and heart. 

Of course you didn't deserve it 

Often times when you are traumatized you look for love and acceptance. 

But this love and acceptance is not available in a good place. So you go looking for it in bad places. 

Remember that only a sincere heart can purely love you without abusing you. 

All others are Abusers. 

I remember how I used to read these articles in my country where very young girls from extremely poor families were lured by slightly older guys to marry them under a fake promise of marriage and these girls would fall in love with these men assuming that these guys are helpful and loving and caring and when they would travel to cities with these guys, they would simply sell them into prostitution and sex trafficking. 

I used to wonder what made these girls believe these guys so much.. 

The answer is a deep absence of love and extreme abuse that they endured from their parents when they were kids 

These girls were very young and vulnerable. And they were broken. Completely broken. Their boundaries violated by their parents. 

They never felt loved or cared for. 

when they met those men, those men gave them a false sense of love, a toxic love.. Which these young girls thrived on for some time, and then they were sold into sex trafficking, forever lost and abused, kidnapped and pimped as sex slaves for the rest of their lives. Missing and forgotten and never to be found again. 

Whats their mistake other than looking for love and acceptance? 

I remember when I was a kid and some poor people used to ask my mom for favors. And she used to give them free food 

They used to thank her. But the food was generally rotten or spoiled and dangerous. 

I used to get very angry at my mom for this behavior and I often used to confront her over this nasty thing 

"why would you give them that. They might fall sick." 

Her usual response used to be

"they are poor people, it doesn't matter." 

I used to get really pissed off 

"so what if they are poor, doesn't mean that they deserve to eat rotten food. Wtf."

Her love for me was often interspersed with abuse 

If she ever hugged me or showed any affection or favors, she would immediately replace it with anger and abuse a few moments later. 

She used to love doing me favors. But this was only a way of controlling me. With favors came verbal assault. 

Her way was that if I received any love from her then I should also take her abuse and be okay with it. It was like a price I had to pay like a payback. 

Over time I learned how to refuse her favors as I was growing up. She used to hate my refusals because that didn't give her any power. 

One way of dealing with narcissistic abuse is to simply disarm the narcissist, take away their power.

I began to make statements like

"I don't need this from you." 

Narcissists hate such statements. 

 

This is an example of an Empowered statement 

 

 

 

 

Edited November 20, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

 

Continued 

Apart from Empowered statements you can find healthy alternatives. 

What does this mean? 

This means finding love in the right places. 

And rejecting love in the wrong places. 

When you have an abuser in your life, their love is immaterial.. Their love is toxic love. 

Their love is unhealthy. It might still appear as love but you need to reject this unhealthy love. This love is bad and a narcissist abuser or any abuser might make it sound like they are doing a great favor to you. 

But they are simply asserting their dominance and using it to abuse you. 

You need to make an Empowering Choice here and that means rejecting their love and opting for healthy sources of love. 

Remember this 

With narcissists, the more you make them feel like they are important, the worse is their abuse. 

The most Empowering Choice is Rejection 

Reject the Narcissist in every possible way. This pisses them off really bad. 

How do you reject a narcissist 

• When they are speaking - ignore 
• When they offer advice - contradict 
• When they offer a favor - decline 
• When they offer love - reject 
• When they offer promises - loudly mock 
• When they put you down - laugh. 

 

Remember a narcissist possesses predatory qualities which means all they are trying to do is just hurt as much as they can. 

remember rejection is Empowering and Liberating. 

 

Edited November 20, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

What is the most healthy alternative source of love? 

The answer is God.