My First Awakening

[comp13]

I had my very first awakening moment this tonight. It was very very brief. I did get a very slight 'experience' of consciousness, and what I perceived was 'subtle completeness.'--That's the best word I have to describe it. Not big, not small, just like completely sufficient in every way--Like all that needs to be. Kind of like absolute closure. My extremely brief glimpse was so minuscule, and yet I experienced it as huge. I had a residual effect in my entire body for hours. I wish it was a more in depth experience, but my ego dissolved it almost immediately. I feel like my ego, took it and locked it up with every chain and lock it has. I feel like it will be a very long time before I have another one. I immediately tried to think my way back into it, and obviously that didn't work. All I can say is it is really out there, right under our noses, and it is very subtle. It's like we've got an equation 3x=6 and we keep looking at the numbers harder and harder, when we really need to look at the nature of equal sign. I don't mean to sound abstract or anything, but there is really no way to word it. You get so much information in such a small period of time, but you cannot really communicate it without sounding completely abstract. It is a lot like one of those 'Magic Eye' books--where you're looking at a page full of a bunch of random pixels of colors, and if you keep concentrating and looking at it a little differently you see a boat--except when you 'see' it you aren't using any sense perception, you're using awareness.

Edited September 6, 2016 by comp13

[WelcometoReality]

Yes, I always feel that, when I try to write about the truth, it comes out as untrue. Silence is the best way to describe it and I don't mean the word silence. Truth is so subtle yet so complete that words crumble when trying to describe it.

[Dodo]

34 minutes ago, Wormon Blatburm said:

These altered states of conciousness are not the actual truth

From the truth there is no return

Are you there to know that. Also if we are not there and your statement is true it means we have never been there even in a previous life. Its a bold statement, saying there is no return.. Maybe there is return after death at least.

[DoubleYou]

5 hours ago, comp13 said:

I feel like my ego, took it and locked it up with every chain and lock it has. I feel like it will be a very long time before I have another one.

That's the ego talking right there. Don't conceptualize this experience as 'something that happened'. It's still there. 

A glimpse is all you need though. From now on there's a knowing. And with that comes a huge opportunity to diminish the ego's power over time.

Good luck

[Dodo]

6 minutes ago, Wormon Blatburm said:

@Dodoster How could I be there to know that? That's absurd. Enlightenment is impersonal, I cannot be enlightened because all I am is a character in the game of duality.

What you say about past lives and death is also ridiculous, the truth has no time, no space, no past or future. Even saying that it has always been would be lying because words like "always" and "infinity" are concepts within the realm of time.

But you can be a character in the game that is eitger in an enlightened state of conciousness or not in such a state, yes or no.

[comp13]

@Wormon Blatburm The conclusions you've drawn will get you nowhere. Consciousness doesn't exist in time. My body and mind do, however. An awakening moment is nothing more than experiencing consciousness without ego. I also wasn't sitting there and experiencing time at a halt. I didn't even notice what time was doing. Like I said, it was only an extremely small glimpse.

Edited September 6, 2016 by comp13

[comp13]

@Wormon Blatburm I still don't understand what you mean. I'm not claiming I am 'walking enlightenment,' if that is what you are trying to say. It was only a glimpse. After only a second my ego took back over completely.

Edited September 6, 2016 by comp13

[cetus]

5 hours ago, comp13 said:

My extremely brief glimpse was so minuscule, and yet I experienced it as huge.

@comp13 One brief glimpse of truth can expose a lifetime of untruth. The heart of all practice is to remove what is not true.

 

5 hours ago, comp13 said:

. It was very very brief. I did get a very slight 'experience' of consciousness, and what I perceived was 'subtle completeness.'--

It sounds like you had a brief encounter with Samadhi. Samadhi is a union. An awakening from the individual self that is obvious, loud and visible to something that is much more subtle.  See now how easily it can become overshadowed by the egoic self that relates only to time and space? At the slightest sign of any of that it's gone. It will return again like a rainbow when conditions are right.

[Dodo]

1 hour ago, Wormon Blatburm said:

Sorry i have to type here cus my phone is shit. 

I suspect he had a tiny dmt trip. I had one, at least i think it was that, and for two small moments one after the other i felt pure bliss and i was someplace else, some dark place, i didnt see shit but it felt like home.

I felt pressure on my crown chakra and later that night i dreamt a dream with my guardian angel, who was a business looking woman who was with me on a bus, i was with a suit. Then my phone rang and it was one of my friends i play computer games with. She just showed me and said - this is the devil. Then a representation of that came in the corner of my eyes of that and it looked like a paradise. As if it is like a trap that i jumped into, because i wanted instant gratification preya.

Edited September 6, 2016 by Dodoster

[comp13]

@Wormon Blatburm It wasn't scary at all. My ego did cling to anxiety because it didn't know how to process it, but it is nothing to be afraid of at all. When you experience it, you know that it has always been right there. 

[Dodo]

1 minute ago, comp13 said:

@Wormon Blatburm It wasn't scary at all. My ego did cling to anxiety because it didn't know how to process it, but it is nothing to be afraid of at all. When you experience it, you know that it has always been right there. 

What if that thing that was always right there wants to be scary to you. Like a big black spider, and you disrespecting it by not being afraid, so he takes that as aan invite to torture you in hell. I luv spiders, just spinning webs with you

[DoubleYou]

Fear only shows that you're still trying to experience from the ego. But even then, being fearful can be witnessed too.

[Dodo]

7 minutes ago, DoubleYou said:

Fear only shows that you're still trying to experience from the ego. But even then, being fearful can be witnessed too.

Theres no bigger ego than of the one that says he doesnt fear anything. And that fear is wrong... Why would it be. Fear can be very helpful. Not as a continuous state of mind, but when needed, fear can save you and make you stronger. As a human being, not as conciousness or that thing that never changes. If it doesn't change, there is no reason for a human being not to evolve.

Even if you are that never changing ever present existence or whatever, you are a human being right now, so you cant pretend you are god and dont/wouldnt fear anything. You (god) might prove you (the human you) wrong and give you hell that you would fear oh so much even if you try to disidentify with your current form. Because it wont allow you to, maybe, maybe..

Edited September 6, 2016 by Dodoster

[comp13]

@DoubleYou My ego swallowed it up almost immediately. It tried to dissect it, doubt it, throw emotions at it and everything else. But that tiny sense of knowing is infinitely more powerful.

It's like discovering that the number 4 is the key to the universe. The ego will want to say 'why', 'how', etc., but it's the 'knowing, and 'accepting', that is important. Nothing else.

Edited September 6, 2016 by comp13

[cetus]

32 minutes ago, comp13 said:

It wasn't scary at all. My ego did cling to anxiety because it didn't know how to process it, but it is nothing to be afraid of at all. When you experience it, you know that it has always been right there. 

@comp13 That's exactly what I experienced from the perspective of mind that is caught in the middle. A knowing that truth has always been so near, only out of sight. Yes, the ego did put up a fuss. Ego wants no parts of that so I felt as if I had one foot in each world. One of the ego self world and one of truth and unity. Experiencing that unity felt like home. A true home that remains always- changeless. For the first time in my life there was a contrast exposed between the ego/self and truth. The ego self wants to have it all again, like the old days, but that's impossible now. Too bad for Mr. ego, he's viewed as a fraud, a minor player. An illusion with no substance. Or maybe I should say "all that he is, is the illusion of substance".

[jjer94]

Excellent. A few questions to contemplate:

Based on what you wrote, what makes this moment incomplete as opposed to your awakening experience? What if it's only thought that says this moment is incomplete, giving theories about ego, duality, and all those other stories you ingested?

What if this moment is just as complete as the awakening experience, even with all those other stories you ingested? 

And most importantly,

Who/where is the one who had the awakening experience and claims it as his own? Who/where is the one who also claims ownership over the body and the ego, according to your description?

Cheers.

[Dodo]

1 hour ago, comp13 said:

@DoubleYou My ego swallowed it up almost immediately. It tried to dissect it, doubt it, throw emotions at it and everything else. But that tiny sense of knowing is infinitely more powerful.

It's like discovering that the number 4 is the key to the universe. The ego will want to say 'why', 'how', etc., but it's the 'knowing, and 'accepting', that is important. Nothing else.

This coincides with what i just wrote in the new topic i opened about my dreams. It seems like here again the logical mind is the reason, because you tried to explain to yourself. Disect, as you said it. So maybe thats all we need to fight against when we fight against ego - the logical part of the mind. It seems obvious (and logical :-D)  that if the truth is illogical, even if obvious, it would be out of logic's grasp, whenever it's awake.

So maybe we need to fight logix by throwing a bunch of paradoxes into it.

Edited September 6, 2016 by Dodoster

[comp13]

@jjer94 Thank you. I will absolutely continue with it.

The fact that someone once discovered this without having any indication of the existence of an ego is unbelievable.

[jjer94]

@comp13 It's really quite simple. Thoughts just love to complicate it.

Surely there's an I-thought. But it pops out of nowhere, just like all the other thoughts about there being a "thinker," a "chooser," a "doer." You can discover this in direct experience. Once you do, you realize furthermore that the I-thought that claims ownership over any aspect of experience is just another thought, and really, nobody can own experience. The ego never existed in the first place. There is no central experiencer, only experience experiencing itself. Enlightenment is actually your present experience, just overlayed with thought-stories appearing out of nowhere (all false) such as:

• How can I attain enlightenment?
• Surely there must be something outside of experience?
• But science says _____!
• But Advaita Vedanta says I need to do Karma Yoga for another year so I can become enlightened!
• I experienced this vast loving openness, so I must stay in that openness and re-experience it to become re-enlightened!
• But everyone says I'm going to die! Look at all the bodies dying around me! I must be the body! Agh! I need immortality or else my experience is incomplete!
• But Leo says I'm nothingness! So I must look for that nothingness as if it were an object of experience!
• There must be such thing as objects. Otherwise I wouldn't exist!
• Maybe Mooji will have the answers...
• I'm so unhappy! I'm so upset! I'm so angry! 
• Ooo Benhito Massaro talks about manifestation! That may be of use for ME.
• They say "Find out who is experiencing," but of course I'm experiencing!

And on and on and on...until..... 

Edited September 6, 2016 by jjer94

[comp13]

@jjer94 What I did was dove into what consciousness is composed of. What exactly is it. I removed everything from it that I could (sight, sound, touch, thought,) and was left with something. In the past I've been left with nothing (even though I lie to myself and say that I have something), but this time I really had something. Then I 'looked' at it and discovered that IT is all that it needs. It is 100% complete. It needs nothing. Not a sight, thought, touch, happiness, beauty, time... absolutely nothing. And absolute positivity billows from it. Like when you were a kid and told 'do whatever you want to do.'

Now I have a 'feeling' that it allowed itself to be seen. It's so hard to describe. Amazing.

 

Edited September 6, 2016 by comp13