Fear in expressing my goals

[Bird Larry]

I feel that a person being able to express his goals is important and healthy. Unfortunately, i am always fearful of it. If people are to offend me, make fun of me etc. Do you guys ever have this? Embarassment in expressing your ambitions? 

[Space]

@Bird Larry Sure, I get this. I think it's fairly normal. I tend to keep quiet about my goals and ambitions, partly out of fear of being judged. I don't want to say i'm going to do something and then end up not following through with it. 

However, there's really no need to go around telling people your goals and vision for life, unless they specifically ask. Most people really don't give a shit - they're too focused on their own life.

In my experience the best thing to do is quietly get on with your work, projects etc, and let the results speak for themselves. 

[Bird Larry]

@Space yeah. i think being able to say it when necessary and not shy away from it when the situation demands it. I guess that is what i am struggling at right now 

[Yarco]

Yes, I had a toxic family and my parents and sister would all make fun of my ambitions and goals.

It held me down and wasted years of my life. I did the things that I thought would make them happy and respect me, instead of living life for myself. Guess where that leads? You end up unhappy and they will still find something to make fun of you for.

Normally you get these feelings because someone has made fun of you for expressing yourself in the past. Usually it's a pattern that has happened many, many times like me.

If this is your situation too -- realize that not everybody is like this. It's not normal for people in your life to constantly make fun of you like this. You can find friends and a loving partner that are actually supportive of your goals. Even if they seem impractical or unlikely to succeed. Someone who cares about you can give gentle feedback without laughing at you or making you feel like an idiot.

If you aren't at a point in life where you can just cut out those toxic people, you can still choose to not take their opinion seriously. Have faith in yourself and what you really want. You can make people happy for a time, but you'll always find yourself trying to come back to your true goals and passions.

Watch out for toxic masculinity and society telling you that you aren't allowed to feel or have emotions too.

Be careful not to fall into the habits of friends and family and start being negative toward others either... it's easy to put other people down to make yourself feel superior, especially if it's all you've ever known...

Edited November 22, 2020 by Yarco

[Bird Larry]

@Yarco Yep. I had my father do that to me and beat me once badly for doing it. So, later, he realized he did something bad so he apologized. I later made him feel embarassed for what he did and insulted him and made him feel small in front of the whole family and tell everybody what he did. But one quote really sunk deeply in me that if you truly don't want a relationship with someone and not be hurt (so as to not hurt others because I am hurt), i should not even hate him, truly....

So,  I decided not even to hate him, so as not to be in relationship with him. Krishnamurti said all that. Really thank him for that, he made me realize how important it was not to hate the man who had hurt you, because that is the greatest growth possible.