Help! Ex-adult Entertainer Trying To Start Dating Again!

[Peace and Love]

Hey Friends of Actualized.org,

This is my first post. I really want some serious honest help and feedback with this. Inappropriate comments I will not answer or respond to. Just FYI. I will not be giving out any personally identifiable information for my safety and protection.

I have an interesting dilemma here. I'm an ex-adult entertainer. I was in the field for 7 years and recently retired a few years ago and have moved on into a new career. (I go by a different name with my career so I'm not identifiable). I had my fun, but I also had my scary moments in the field too. I got therapy for it, and am completely fine and have moved on. I don't even identify with it anymore, but I see it as an experience that's helped me grow personally. I haven't been dating or in a long term committed relationship for over 8 years now.

The problem with being apart of the adult entertainment field is you get a lot of experience in the bedroom. In fact you become really really good at it....to the point that men, well it seems like normal men can't keep up at all. Like when they're done, I'm ready to go again in like the next 5 minutes. And then again after that. (And no I'm not exaggerating about this). And it doesn't help that I'm a health nut, so it makes the problem worse! I just have all this energy, and I feel like the partner I'm with can't relate and doesn't want to reciprocate.

Most of the men I've run into personally throughout my entire dating experience before and after my adult entertainment career and professionally have been completely inexperienced and incredibly selfish. They are completely in it for themselves only. It's like there is no foreplay and once they get off they're done, and that's it. I do my part on my end and they absolutely love it, but when I give them feedback or direction on what I like and what turns me on (and I'm talking normal intimacy stuff) they just ignore it. There is no satisfaction for me. It's like I get no benefit from it at all. The last guy I dated I sent him Leo's video's on how to have great sex for direction...he didn't take my advice. I soon after dumped his ass.

I have an intense fear of ending up in a long term committed relationship with a guy that is absolutely terrible in bed. I know everything in a relationship is not about sex. I'm extremely big on communication, but these days when it comes to dating here in the United States, people want to have sex after the first few dates. It has become the norm. I'm not sure how to go about it, or how to approach it to have success. My goal is finding a long term intimate relationship with someone I can love and care for, and grow old with, and vice versa.

There is more to the story...which makes it even harder for me to date. I have started dating again. I have no problem finding men at all that are attracted to me, which is great. But....most of them I'm not attracted to at all, I'm not Lesbian, but the majority of men that I've encountered just don't take care of their bodies and appreciate health like I do. I'm not vain, or a “shallow hal” but I do believe that I should have some sort of physical attraction.

The good news is I'm not famous or anything so it's not like I have to worry about a guy noticing me while walking down the street...... however several years ago I was on the news for something non related to my adult entertainment career. This specific news article unrelated to adult entertainment blasted my name all over the internet but they mentioned I was in adult entertainment!! Which is a huge problem. I did it for a good cause at the time, and I helped a lot of people because of my news article. (sorry I can't list it for my protection, I really can't take the chance with my safety). So anyone that looks up my full name sees it in plain sight. Most people don't find it because I go by a different name but if I'm dating a guy he's going to find out eventually. It's completely inevitable that it will happen. So sooner or later they find out I'm an ex-adult entertainer.

I've tried the approach of telling them up front usually within the first few dates that I'm an ex-adult entertainer. I think it's important to be honest and have good communication. Once a guy finds out I'm an ex-adult entertainer it's like I'm not even human anymore. This goes for a lot of my guy friends and men I've dated. It's like I become a piece of meat and they want to know every detail of that part of my life I don't even identify with anymore. They immediately want to have sex, and the relationship completely collapses and I end up having to break up with the guy because I'm just some piece of arm candy. I love myself enough to walk away from an abusive situation. I deserve so much more than this.

It would make sense to just wait on telling the guy. As long as possible. But the problem is I have this fear the guy is going to be terrible in bed! Lol Yes this is a serious fear. And from my experience if you get too intimate too quickly in a relationship the guy has no respect for you, and there is no reason for a guy to want to have a committed relationship because he already has the benefits from being in one.

What should I do? How should I go about this? I'm completely serious about this. This is not a joke or a prank, or someone seeking attention, this is my real life situation.

What kind of guy should I be looking for? Like specific characteristics? (Like a guy that is naturally more romantic and intimate? A man that may be more communicative and non-judgmental?)

Thank you everyone for your help!






 

[Ayla]

@Peace and Love , you think too much

Do not search for any relationship. Do what makes you happy and complete within yourself. Become absolutely confortable with your life experience and your past. You will be provided with the suitable partner to uncover what is still there unhealed.

[Peace and Love]

2 hours ago, Ayla said:

@Peace and Love , you think too much

Do not search for any relationship. Do what makes you happy and complete within yourself. Become absolutely confortable with your life experience and your past. You will be provided with the suitable partner to uncover what is still there unhealed.

@Ayla

I completely agree with you on this, to focus on myself!  I really have become quite recluse since I've come home to take care of my parents.  The only reason I've been able to date and meet guys is because of online dating websites and facebook. I've put up appropriate photos (that are not sexually suggestive, and wrote a nice bubbly and friendly profile). 

I'm quite a tomboy which doesn't help.  I attract men (with out even trying and being myself) that are already in relationships with someone else and the women look at me like they want to kill me!  I think I've put my feminine side on hold for too long.   I think this is apart of my life that I'm really missing and want to bring back.  I miss the days in my early college years where I was consistently active and adventurous and going out with girls my age.  I was completely focused on myself.  I wasn't thinking about men, and it was one of the happiest moments of my life. 

I also think enlightenment and personal development is important.  I took a break from seeking enlightenment because it was overwhelming. It was making me depressed so I had to stop for a while.  I think I need to work on that too.  That's also missing and would make me happier.  I think women do have a tendency to have a tougher time with enlightenment more than men.  This is because if a woman wants to have a family and kids, she has only a short window of time to make a decision.  Men can wait until their 50's and 60's to have kids if they want...women can not.  Yeah you can adopt, and it helps the world a lot, but it's not the same as the spiritual experience you have from being pregnant and giving birth.  I think about that...I question if I really want to get married and have kids at all. ...if that will make me happy. I think I need to do some more self discovery.

You know what they say....when you stop looking, the person just falls into your lap...literally! lol

[Peace and Love]

@Ayla And Thank you!!

[Elton]

@Peace and Love hi peace and love :-) would you be interested in having a virtual friend till I can make it to the u.s.?  

[Dodo]

On 06/09/2016 at 5:24 AM, Peace and Love said:

Hey Friends of Actualized.org,

This is my first post. I really want some serious honest help and feedback with this. Inappropriate comments I will not answer or respond to. Just FYI. I will not be giving out any personally identifiable information for my safety and protection.

I have an interesting dilemma here. I'm an ex-adult entertainer. I was in the field for 7 years and recently retired a few years ago and have moved on into a new career. (I go by a different name with my career so I'm not identifiable). I had my fun, but I also had my scary moments in the field too. I got therapy for it, and am completely fine and have moved on. I don't even identify with it anymore, but I see it as an experience that's helped me grow personally. I haven't been dating or in a long term committed relationship for over 8 years now.

The problem with being apart of the adult entertainment field is you get a lot of experience in the bedroom. In fact you become really really good at it....to the point that men, well it seems like normal men can't keep up at all. Like when they're done, I'm ready to go again in like the next 5 minutes. And then again after that. (And no I'm not exaggerating about this). And it doesn't help that I'm a health nut, so it makes the problem worse! I just have all this energy, and I feel like the partner I'm with can't relate and doesn't want to reciprocate.

Most of the men I've run into personally throughout my entire dating experience before and after my adult entertainment career and professionally have been completely inexperienced and incredibly selfish. They are completely in it for themselves only. It's like there is no foreplay and once they get off they're done, and that's it. I do my part on my end and they absolutely love it, but when I give them feedback or direction on what I like and what turns me on (and I'm talking normal intimacy stuff) they just ignore it. There is no satisfaction for me. It's like I get no benefit from it at all. The last guy I dated I sent him Leo's video's on how to have great sex for direction...he didn't take my advice. I soon after dumped his ass.

I have an intense fear of ending up in a long term committed relationship with a guy that is absolutely terrible in bed. I know everything in a relationship is not about sex. I'm extremely big on communication, but these days when it comes to dating here in the United States, people want to have sex after the first few dates. It has become the norm. I'm not sure how to go about it, or how to approach it to have success. My goal is finding a long term intimate relationship with someone I can love and care for, and grow old with, and vice versa.

There is more to the story...which makes it even harder for me to date. I have started dating again. I have no problem finding men at all that are attracted to me, which is great. But....most of them I'm not attracted to at all, I'm not Lesbian, but the majority of men that I've encountered just don't take care of their bodies and appreciate health like I do. I'm not vain, or a “shallow hal” but I do believe that I should have some sort of physical attraction.

The good news is I'm not famous or anything so it's not like I have to worry about a guy noticing me while walking down the street...... however several years ago I was on the news for something non related to my adult entertainment career. This specific news article unrelated to adult entertainment blasted my name all over the internet but they mentioned I was in adult entertainment!! Which is a huge problem. I did it for a good cause at the time, and I helped a lot of people because of my news article. (sorry I can't list it for my protection, I really can't take the chance with my safety). So anyone that looks up my full name sees it in plain sight. Most people don't find it because I go by a different name but if I'm dating a guy he's going to find out eventually. It's completely inevitable that it will happen. So sooner or later they find out I'm an ex-adult entertainer.

I've tried the approach of telling them up front usually within the first few dates that I'm an ex-adult entertainer. I think it's important to be honest and have good communication. Once a guy finds out I'm an ex-adult entertainer it's like I'm not even human anymore. This goes for a lot of my guy friends and men I've dated. It's like I become a piece of meat and they want to know every detail of that part of my life I don't even identify with anymore. They immediately want to have sex, and the relationship completely collapses and I end up having to break up with the guy because I'm just some piece of arm candy. I love myself enough to walk away from an abusive situation. I deserve so much more than this.

It would make sense to just wait on telling the guy. As long as possible. But the problem is I have this fear the guy is going to be terrible in bed! Lol Yes this is a serious fear. And from my experience if you get too intimate too quickly in a relationship the guy has no respect for you, and there is no reason for a guy to want to have a committed relationship because he already has the benefits from being in one.

What should I do? How should I go about this? I'm completely serious about this. This is not a joke or a prank, or someone seeking attention, this is my real life situation.

What kind of guy should I be looking for? Like specific characteristics? (Like a guy that is naturally more romantic and intimate? A man that may be more communicative and non-judgmental?)

Thank you everyone for your help!






 

I think your problem is of the variety of problems a spoilt kid in a candy shop has. You have a lot of choice in men and you cant find the right one.. Many people have trouble finding even one person that is attracted to them and they have to make it work or accept reality. 

You seem to think that you deserve the perfect candy... Sometimes, if you stay long enough with someone and get to know them, you realize the sexual desires and performance in bed are just as important as getting high on weed. Ie not important, but fun little extra highs you can get to fill the void.

Ps: Dont want a guy to look at you as a piece of meat - go for a geek and make him the man you want.

Edited September 7, 2016 by Dodoster

[Salaam]

@Peace and Love

I kind of have some experience with your dilemma to a lesser degree. I know what it's like to be with a woman who has a very strong sexuality and a "history" whose connotations make lesser man act in shitty ways when they can't handle their own reactions to it. 

First and foremost, the guy will have to be able to see you FIRST, before all that history, before his insecurities about how that history might reflect on him, and before his fears on what that history might mean for the stability and safety of your relationship. What I mean by that... well I'm married to a wonderful woman who used to be a stripper, but when I see her I don't see stripper. I see the woman whose smile shows all the warmth in her amazing heart, I see the little girl in her who likes to giggle and run across the grass barefoot, I see her courage in facing things important to her, I see the magic in her eyes and hips as they sway to the music that is the beat of her own drum. That's what I'm seeing and connecting with and responding to when I'm with this person... not stripper or porn-star and all the weird lines of thought when we might think of a person like that, when we have no personal history with them.

You need a man whose heart and self-authority is strong enough so that he chooses to see you, rather than all that other bullshit. A man who can handle working on whatever stuff might spring up from dealing with those things, while at the same time not losing hold on the person he recognized in you that shines and moves him so. Navigating those waters and building a world between the two of you that is better and more fulfilling then the directions these other men have been taking things.

Now, that also means becoming the kind of woman, where all those other sides do shine, but you seem to kind of understand that already and are working on them.

Second, the guy also should have an open and confident view of his sexuality, that is constantly evolving. One that gets its satisfaction more from the inter-play and sexual expression between two people, rather than physical/mechanical release. If all a man cares about is release, then he is not sexual, he is horny. And horny guys are all appetite and not in control of their sexuality and if their not in control with it, they can't communicate and connect sexually. Like... most porn I've ever watched the sex is very disappointing. There is little communication, little building of emotions, shallow trance states, and rarely any where the two get deeper and deeper into their sexual heat, the animalistic passion rising... 

You want to be with a man where the sexuality continues to grow and evolve, along-side the intimacy. Changing and deepening how you and your partners body's respond to each other. So the sex compounds the meaning in your relationship and how much you both enjoy and revel in sharing each other.

Anyways, I can talk more about that later, but you want a man who can build intimacy with you along side sexual passion, while also protecting the trust that is also building within the relationship. That way you can soften and allow that femininity to naturally express along-side that sexual intimacy... I wonder if you've gotten really good at kind of "sport" fucking, but real sexual intimacy is something you crave? A place where the other sides of you can come to the surface and express and join in with your other parts.

I hope this helps in some way. I'm pressed for time, so I had to jot something down real quick for you. Let me know if I should expand on something or if you have any other questions.

@Dodoster

With all due respect, your response feels like there is a bit of bitterness or resentment stemming from limiting beliefs about sex and being sexually attractive that are kind of leaking out in your response to the OP. Sexual health, bonding, and expression are very important to intimate relationships and can carry with it way more substance than getting high (although yes, some people do use sex in that way, but it can be so much more). If I'm off, I apologize, but I thought it might be a helpful view to share with you.

[Peace and Love]

@Dodoster

On 9/7/2016 at 10:49 AM, Dodoster said:

I think your problem is of the variety of problems a spoilt kid in a candy shop has. You have a lot of choice in men and you cant find the right one.. Many people have trouble finding even one person that is attracted to them and they have to make it work or accept reality. 

You seem to think that you deserve the perfect candy... Sometimes, if you stay long enough with someone and get to know them, you realize the sexual desires and performance in bed are just as important as getting high on weed. Ie not important, but fun little extra highs you can get to fill the void.

Ps: Dont want a guy to look at you as a piece of meat - go for a geek and make him the man you want.

I don't think I deserve the perfect candy by no means....i don't even think I'm perfect and I know I have my own issues.  The problem is these guys are not even intimate.  And when I have sex I don't have an orgasm....they don't even try to do any foreplay...the guy is just in it for himself...that is what I'm saying.  Sex is a two way thing....you're giving each other pleasure....i'm not getting any pleasure...and that's why I have this fear.   I think great sex gets better with time and when you get to know each other...but if the guy doesn't even take direction...and doesn't want to turn me on...that's a huge problem.

I want what Leo explains in his how to have great sex videos.  The sex that lasts for an hour, and we''re intimate, enjoying ourselves...being in the moment.....  when I'm with a guy we're done in 10 minutes. .... that's not sex for me...... I don't want something that looks like something straight out of a porno...I want INTIMACY, ROMANCE and a connection that bond you get from being in a long term relationship.   The crazy fun stuff can come in later on, but it's more of being receptive to it.

What I'm interested in is the visual cues I should be looking for.  I've watched Leo's Video (I forget the name of it) but it lists like 40 red flags to look out for when dating and getting into a relationship so you don't end up in an abusive relationship. The men I've ran into have had these red flags.....so they don't even get past the first date....

I completely agree about the geek thing.  Being that I was a book worm in high school and college I relate to that better than a sports jock type. I want more of that feminine side that Leos talks about in his "How to be more masculine video"

[Peace and Love]

@Elton

On 9/7/2016 at 0:54 AM, Elton said:

@Peace and Love hi peace and love :-) would you be interested in having a virtual friend till I can make it to the u.s.?  

I got your email. Thanks for the kinds words.

[Peace and Love]

@Salaam

On 9/7/2016 at 2:12 PM, Salaam said:

@Peace and Love

I kind of have some experience with your dilemma to a lesser degree. I know what it's like to be with a woman who has a very strong sexuality and a "history" whose connotations make lesser man act in shitty ways when they can't handle their own reactions to it. 

First and foremost, the guy will have to be able to see you FIRST, before all that history, before his insecurities about how that history might reflect on him, and before his fears on what that history might mean for the stability and safety of your relationship. What I mean by that... well I'm married to a wonderful woman who used to be a stripper, but when I see her I don't see stripper. I see the woman whose smile shows all the warmth in her amazing heart, I see the little girl in her who likes to giggle and run across the grass barefoot, I see her courage in facing things important to her, I see the magic in her eyes and hips as they sway to the music that is the beat of her own drum. That's what I'm seeing and connecting with and responding to when I'm with this person... not stripper or porn-star and all the weird lines of thought when we might think of a person like that, when we have no personal history with them.

You need a man whose heart and self-authority is strong enough so that he chooses to see you, rather than all that other bullshit. A man who can handle working on whatever stuff might spring up from dealing with those things, while at the same time not losing hold on the person he recognized in you that shines and moves him so. Navigating those waters and building a world between the two of you that is better and more fulfilling then the directions these other men have been taking things.

Now, that also means becoming the kind of woman, where all those other sides do shine, but you seem to kind of understand that already and are working on them.

Second, the guy also should have an open and confident view of his sexuality, that is constantly evolving. One that gets its satisfaction more from the inter-play and sexual expression between two people, rather than physical/mechanical release. If all a man cares about is release, then he is not sexual, he is horny. And horny guys are all appetite and not in control of their sexuality and if their not in control with it, they can't communicate and connect sexually. Like... most porn I've ever watched the sex is very disappointing. There is little communication, little building of emotions, shallow trance states, and rarely any where the two get deeper and deeper into their sexual heat, the animalistic passion rising... 

You want to be with a man where the sexuality continues to grow and evolve, along-side the intimacy. Changing and deepening how you and your partners body's respond to each other. So the sex compounds the meaning in your relationship and how much you both enjoy and revel in sharing each other.

Anyways, I can talk more about that later, but you want a man who can build intimacy with you along side sexual passion, while also protecting the trust that is also building within the relationship. That way you can soften and allow that femininity to naturally express along-side that sexual intimacy... I wonder if you've gotten really good at kind of "sport" fucking, but real sexual intimacy is something you crave? A place where the other sides of you can come to the surface and express and join in with your other parts.

I hope this helps in some way. I'm pressed for time, so I had to jot something down real quick for you. Let me know if I should expand on something or if you have any other questions.

@Dodoster

With all due respect, your response feels like there is a bit of bitterness or resentment stemming from limiting beliefs about sex and being sexually attractive that are kind of leaking out in your response to the OP. Sexual health, bonding, and expression are very important to intimate relationships and can carry with it way more substance than getting high (although yes, some people do use sex in that way, but it can be so much more). If I'm off, I apologize, but I thought it might be a helpful view to share with you.

Hi Salaam,

Thanks for the kind words and sharing your personal story on how you met your wife and what you love about her.  It really means a lot to me.  It gives me hope that I  can meet someone.  I know there are great guys out there like you, and that is what I'm looking for!   I just haven't quite figured out how to approach it.

How long did your wife wait to tell you that she was an ex-stripper/pornstar?   I'm wondering if I should wait as long as possible.  And how exactly did she tell you...did you suspect it, or did she tell you little pieces of the puzzle at a time?  I'm sure her intuition kicked in when she knew that you would be receptive to it.

I'm looking for more intimacy than anything.  Like what Leo talks about in his videos "how to have great sex".  The crazy stuff can come later...but yes...I agree he needs to be open....That is something I should be on the look out for.  Most guys I've met are quite mechanical...it's like a robotic pattern,....it's the same thing over and over again.  I want adventure and excitement! lol  So many people don't explore in their relationships, and that's why things get boring.  I would love to find a guy that would read these relationship books with me.  The ones that Leo has on his list are great. I think if couples put more effort trying to make the relationship work there would be less separations, divorces and breakups.

I definitely think I need to focus on myself and personal development, but I want to be on the look out so I know what kinds of characteristics to look for.  I have been in a series of abusive relationships, and I'm ready to break that pattern.  I just want to know what the visual cues are that I should be looking for and I appreciate you pointing those out.  I also understand my attitude and how I feel about myself directly effects to some degree the type of men I can attract.

I totally agree about the porn.  My first bf that I had sex with had this really screwed up belief that sex shouldn't have any foreplay in it.  Yes he really believed that.  He thought if they aren't doing any foreplay...than why do we need it?  Like he could just stick it in there.  I was very naive then....I was 21 at the time and didn't know any better considering I came from a very conservative background.  The sex was painful the majority of the time. And it did leave a sour taste in my mouth for a long time.  When I left him, I had 3 months of vaginal bruising .....yes it took that long to heal.....

A few years ago there was a guy that I had a huge crush on that I almost dated.  We had this connection and we knew each other for a long time but circumstances unfortunately could not allow us to be together.  I'm glad things did not work out between us because I was horrified to find out this....He has a very f*cked up view of  sex because of porn.  I cannot even tell you how much I've seen porn screw with people's heads about what is considered healthy intimate sex.  I gotta tell you this guy was into some crazy stuff...he sent me some chick hog tied with a gag being forcefully dunked in a glass swimming pool...while shoving a dildo up her...it was just wrong...and very scary that he thought this was a turn on.   He wanted to do some very hurtful things to me....and I ran away in the other direction as fast as I could.  I don't even know how this stuff is even allowed on the internet and why people would think someone else would really like that!!   I don't want to attract anyone like that ever again! 

Thanks again for all your help!  You rock!


 

[Peace and Love]

@Salaam   Oh I forgot to ask you a few more questions about how you met your wife.  Thanks so much again.

Was your wife still working in the adult entertainment industry when you met her?

I noticed when I was dancing...yes I was a stripper...that men get VERY possessive.  They don't want you to be touched by other guys...which makes sense.  It's somewhat of a territorial trust thing from what I could see, even though I had absolutely no attraction to these guys I'm dancing with.  It's all an act...strippers are professional actresses...a fantasy.  I never dated while working in the adult entertainment industry because the guys I came across wanted me to quit dancing...I couldn't afford to at the time, and they were unwilling to help me out if they wanted me to leave so badly. 


I know a lot of women that leave the adult entertainment industry can become very hypocritical of their bodies. It's bad enough that the porn, tv, and modeling industry give the impression that women should be walking stick figured barbie dolls.  I am definitely one of those women that have left with an emotional scar.  In my mind I'm like 5/10 pounds over weight... but men look at me like ok...why would you feel that way?  And honestly I really do feel like if I don't look like the pictures there is something wrong with me.  This is something that I am currently working on right now.  Not giving a crap what anyone thinks of me.  It's one thing to take care of your health, but not to do that to impress a guy or men in general.  Did your wife feel that way when you met her?  Did she have her own insecurities?  I hope you don't mind me asking.  It just comforts me to know, I'm not the only one that's suffering with this issue.   I'm wondering if I would have to do a complete overhaul first  of my personal self image before I could see anyone.   I'm just seeing which areas I should focus on.

[Salaam]

@Peace and Love

Sorry, for taking so long to respond to your questions. But, with work and the forum outages, it's been hard to find the space.

Please, let me know if you're still around and want me to answer these things and I'll take the time to do so.

 

[flhugoboss]

Well, that is the root cause of "getting into adult entertainment" industry. There is no man on earth could satisfy you because everything is "centered" around you. No man is good enough for you cus you have been with more than 1,000 men and you have seen their (each and every) defect. I am just not sure you are serious about marriage and life and love. Just saying serious without changing yourself...you are not serious...you just want "a better life or a husband only exist in your dream" without action in changing yourself, first. 

Just go read 1 Corithians 13:4-7.

Until you realize it is "you" that is "neurotic" and you need to make the sacrifice if not then you will be lonely for the rest of your life. I was so frustrated with my life while taking care of my parents and found out myself thru the videos of actualized.org and I was able to begin to "build my life", my relationship with others and trying not be neurotic and behave in ways that is "self-aware" and "self-defined" and able to reach the "true-self" (not there yet but trying). I was in a rage, fist of anger, guilt, resentment, low-selfesteem... due to escort or happy-massage addictions of all kinds (wasting more than $120k over 10 yrs, yes $1,000 per month was the budget of spending...first time to admit in my life)...the videos have helped me so much to "alter my temperament and behavior"...and it enhanced my quality of life and mental state...

before the self-improvement, i felt so low that i cried "into the toilet..(hating myself due to inner conflict unable to resolved) and saying to myself...'you (me) are shit, my life is shit and my tears...is rolling down into...the shit' (although there were no shit in the toilette but i did this in a local cafe bathroom when i saw a video of how a person was able to honor his parents while...i recalled my parents have given me everything and yet i realized i was walking into the path to perdition'........." yeah it was hard...no focking joking... 

i want no pity from you, i am saying this ...is that LEO thru his videos enabled me to "improve myself".

If you watched all the videos and take them into perspective and truly acted upon them, YOU WILL FIND HIM. You don't need to look for it. HE WILL COME TO YOU. You are neurotic just like I am and i too myself is in need of changing...it's a continual process. Just be careful, some guys may be "just to be nice in their writing" in the hope of trying to get into your pants. Oh, please count me out, thank You. 

Good Luck.

 

 

 

 

Edited September 28, 2016 by flhugoboss

[StarfoxEpiphany]

@Peace and Love

I had a long term relationship with a girl almost in the exact same position as you.  We fucked like rabbits all day, played all day, and nothing got done.  It didn't work out.  You can find a guy like that, but if you spend all day every day having sex, you don't get to self-actualize.  

Edited September 30, 2016 by StarfoxEpiphany

[Peace and Love]

@Salaam

On 9/27/2016 at 4:40 PM, Salaam said:

@Peace and Love

Sorry, for taking so long to respond to your questions. But, with work and the forum outages, it's been hard to find the space.

Please, let me know if you're still around and want me to answer these things and I'll take the time to do so.

 

No worries.  I haven't been on the forum much either.  I've been busy doing alot of personal development work.

I would love to hear what you have to say when you have the chance to write back. 

[Peace and Love]

@StarfoxEpiphany @flhugoboss @Salaam

Wow, Thank you so much for writing me back.  It's nice to have multiple perspectives and point of views on my personal circumstances.

I haven't been on this forum for a while.  I changed my values and my perspective and have primarily focused on personal development and actualization.  I no longer associate myself with adult entertainment.  It's just a phase of my life that I went through and I learned a lot from my experiences.  I don't even think about sex anymore.  It's like I'm not even interested in sex at all!!! It's weird.  I see how sex can be an addiction for some people and a potential issue for myself.  I did a lot of reflection on my past dating life, even before I got into the adult entertainment industry and I could see where there are areas needed for improvement.  But what's so interesting is I'm not even interested in dating anymore. I just find so much gratification focusing on myself. 

When I was looking for a date, many women like myself get into this obsessive mode about finding a boy friend and we just drop everything we're doing, and literally ruin our lives to be with a man that may not be interested in us or willing to reciprocate those feelings.  I found out that finding a boyfriend to fulfill my needs was starting to become an addiction, especially the feelings of finding one, and I just don't like how I feel.  I don't want to need anyone.  The only person I need is myself! The negativity is just not worth my time anymore. 

I like the growth and improvements that I'm making and where this is all going and I'm just not willing to give that up for anyone anymore.  I like being independent.  I like being adventurous. Unless the guy resonates with personal development and my values I probably won't even bother.  I rather be alone for the rest of my life than be in bad company.

I will agree that the people you attract into your dating life have a  lot to do with how you feel and treat yourself.  If you find yourself to be important and special and lovable people will notice these things.  If you don't put up boundaries, (boundaries which is a form of self love), people will walk all over you, even if they don't intentionally mean to do so, causing abuse and mistreatment.  They say the fastest way to fix a relationship is to change yourself.  You can never change the other person, but if you change yourself you change the way other people respond to you gaining their love and respect.

I'm sure I will eventually find someone.  I just have different priorities....the right kind,....where the focus rightfully belongs, on myself! And not on anyone else!