I don't want a romantic man anymore

[Preety_India]

Namaste 

After being with several men/boyfriends who were good at flirting, sexy, romantic, I have realized that I don't want such men anymore. 

Because through my personal experiences, I have understood that majority of these men turn out to be hurtful assholes and players. I got played enough, no more. 

The romantic ones are nice to be around, they make you feel good and excited but later on they break your heart. It's best to not deal with them. 

I'm not generalizing here but this is what I gathered from experience 

Now I think for a woman it's best to find a man who is simple and disciplined and direct in his approach. 

Even if he is not romantic, it's okay because he won't be a heart breaker at least. 

You at least have a sense of respect with a guy who cares and respects you 

 

I think women need to change their thinking and look for men who are not necessarily attractive but have better things to offer in terms of emotional security. 

It's important for a woman to reach that level of awareness and consciousness where she doesn't fall for a man's bullshit anymore and doesn't simply give into her body's reactions but focuses more on the heart of the guy 

Women it's time to open the heart chakra and look for men who will fuck your heart first rather than your body. 

Please don't ever fall for a player again. It hurts like hell.

Thats my advice.. 

Namaste 

Edited November 18, 2020 by Preety_India

[electroBeam]

2 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

hurtful assholes and players. I got played enough, no more. 

later on they break your heart.

What causes a man to be a hurtful asshole?

Is it purely that they break up with you? Or does it include things that are toxic such as judgement, hatred, dishonesty, blatant manipulation of feelings such as questioning your decisions or beliefs in ways that cause moral tension, etc.

if "hurtful asshole" doesn't just include the breaking up part, can you give some examples of what hurtful asshole means? Could you include also what you expected, rather than just what they did.

Or do you consider breaking up by itself(without the other stuff) as "hurtful asshole". And if so, would you have a different mindset if you somehow got yourself as detached as the buddha? 

 

[Preety_India]

@electroBeam  

By a hurtful asshole I mean a man who engages in the following behaviors

• Dishonest
• Lying or liar 
• "Wandering eye" 
• Cheater
• Constant manipulating type 
• Constant gaslighting type
• Abusive name calling/bullying 
• Stalking /harassing 
• Manipulative mind control 
• Obsessed 
• Threatening 
• Upsetting 
• Insensitive asshole, overly judgemental 
• Sexually abusing 
• Abandoning /disappearing 
• Unfaithful 
• Flip flopping 
• Two Faced/Backstabbing 
• Blackmailing /emotional blackmailing 
• Excessive love bombing as a bait /trickster 
• Says mean hurtful things, rubs salt into wounds 
• Financially scamming
• Unloving 
• Uncaring and Unempathetic 
• Hostile 

 

My expectations in a relationship 

• No cheating. Faithfulness 
• Loving and caring 
• Respectful 
• No lying, no Dishonesty
• No abuse 
• No manipulation 
• Gentle nature 
• Strict with morals 
• Understanding and maturity 
• Not a control freak 
• Straightforward and direct. 
• Simple and sensitive to women's emotions. 

[electroBeam]

2 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

@electroBeam  

• "Wandering eye" 

coincidentally, the main guy in this vid looks like a massive player

 

[F A B]

2 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

My expectations in a relationship 

• No cheating. Faithfulness 
• Loving and caring 
• Respectful 
• No lying, no Dishonesty
• No abuse 
• No manipulation 
• Gentle nature 
• Strict with morals 
• Understanding and maturity 
• Not a control freak 
• Straightforward and direct. 
• Simple and sensitive to women's emotions. 

Then go for that type, as simple as it is ?

Is your current boyfriend holding those qualities?

[Preety_India]

@electroBeam ahh

[electroBeam]

@F A B except those points, like all others, are relative

You might think you've fulfilled all those criteria, yet due to your blind spots and biases, you get into a relationship and actually you don't!

Or the women interprets you that way incorrectly because of her blind spots/biases.

[Preety_India]

1 minute ago, F A B said:

Then go for that type, as simple as it is ?

Is your current boyfriend holding those qualities?

My current boyfriend is very good and I'm lucky. 

But this luck has come after a lot of suffering. Anyway it's still good. 

 

[tsuki]

@Preety_India Happy for you!

[Preety_India]

2 minutes ago, electroBeam said:

@F A B except those points, like all others, are relative

You might think you've fulfilled all those criteria, yet due to your blind spots and biases, you get into a relationship and actually you don't!

Good point. Some people are self righteous to the point where they assume they just couldn't have done any wrong. They are Incapable of seeing that they might have hurt the woman, they automatically think that they are the best men. 

 

 

2 minutes ago, electroBeam said:

Or the women interprets you that way incorrectly because of her blind spots/biases.

Yea this is a possibility. However such a possibility is very unfortunate. I'd really feel bad for the guy who did his best and the woman understood him all wrong. Too unlucky. 

[F A B]

3 minutes ago, electroBeam said:

@F A B except those points, like all others, are relative

You might think you've fulfilled all those criteria, yet due to your blind spots and biases, you get into a relationship and actually you don't!

Or the women interprets you that way incorrectly because of her blind spots/biases.

Of course, it may be a tangible problem ?

Especially in the beginning, you can be so "blinded" by him/her that you cannot see any dysfunctions.

 

9 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

My current boyfriend is very good and I'm lucky. 

But this luck has come after a lot of suffering. Anyway it's still good. 

 

Nice! Then stop to keep bringing your exes's issues and start focusing on your current "good" boyfriend. 

[Preety_India]

12 minutes ago, F A B said:

 

 

Nice! Then stop to keep bringing your exes's issues and start focusing on your current "good" boyfriend. 

Easy saying than doing. 

I still have a lot of trauma from my ex boyfriend (Joseph) to sort out. 

I can't suppress it, because it doesn't get suppressed like that. 

Venting and talking about it and trying to cope and understand it is a better method of healing rather than completely stopping it. 

 

[F A B]

2 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Easy saying than doing. 

I still have a lot of trauma from my ex boyfriend (Joseph) to sort out. 

I can't suppress it, because it doesn't get suppressed like that. 

Venting and talking about it and trying to cope and understand it is a better method of healing rather than completely stopping it. 

 

I understand, but why did you get immediately into a new relationship without even taking the time for healing?

I think your current boyfriend deserves a woman who minds about him and not about her ex.

[Preety_India]

2 minutes ago, F A B said:

I understand, but why did you get immediately into a new relationship without even taking the time for healing?

I think your current boyfriend deserves a woman who minds about him and not about her ex.

He helps with me with my healing. He understands what I went through and he gives me space for healing. He is not unhappy with me. 

 

[F A B]

4 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

He is not unhappy with me. 

Okay, this is the important thing.

6 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

He helps with me with my healing. He understands what I went through and he gives me space for healing.

Yeah, but don't get him into your therapist ahaha

[Preety_India]

3 minutes ago, F A B said:

Okay, this is the important thing.

Yeah, but don't get him into your therapist ahaha

He is also healing from a previous relationship.. 

I'm not very attached to my current boyfriend (Andrew) because I still suffer emotional baggage from the past relationship. Andrew also has some baggage to deal with. We both give each other space. It's not like we don't like each other but we are not too attached because we both need time to sort things and come to a closure. 

I'm trying to find my closure and he is trying to find his closure. 

Once we both go through this process where we are completely healed then we both can be very happy with each other. 

That's what we both are focused on and we both are trying to fasten the process of healing the past. 

That's why I'm so eager with my healing. 

[electroBeam]

1 hour ago, Preety_India said:

 

 

 

Yea this is a possibility. However such a possibility is very unfortunate. I'd really feel bad for the guy who did his best and the woman understood him all wrong. Too unlucky. 

Yep, happens to men heaps. As a women you of course dont see it because you date straight men, you cant see what women are like. As a man, you only date straight woman, so you cant see what men are like. Hence why men on here are so sure women objectively suck while women on here are so sure men objectively suck(in a more subtle way).

[Preety_India]

1 minute ago, electroBeam said:

Yep, happens to men heaps. As a women you of course dont see it because you date straight men, you cant see what women are like. As a man, you only date straight woman, so you cant see what men are like. Hence why men on here are so sure women objectively suck while women on here are so sure men objectively suck(in a more subtle way).

Yea biases on both sides. I agree. 

 

[Leo Gura]

2 hours ago, Preety_India said:

My expectations in a relationship 

• No cheating. Faithfulness 
• Loving and caring 
• Respectful 
• No lying, no Dishonesty
• No abuse 
• No manipulation 
• Gentle nature 
• Strict with morals 
• Understanding and maturity 
• Not a control freak 
• Straightforward and direct. 
• Simple and sensitive to women's emotions. 

That's a tall order to fill. Not just for a man, but for any human.

What you're asking for is a highly developed, conscious, selfless man. Which is gonna be as rare as a highly developed, conscious, selfless woman. Basically, you want to be date God

See... on the one hand you want a man who not manipulative, yet on the other hand you want a man who's really good at survival and a provider. These two things are inversely related. A "strong" man is often the most manipulative and deceptive. That's how he gets his strength in a low-consciousness society. And a weak man is probably not gonna make you wet. So it's a delicate balancing act.

And here's the ultimate kicker: if you ever sleep with a man who's that God-like, and if you ever break up with him, it will be the most painful, heartbreaking event of your life. Because you know you'll probably never meet someone that good again. So be careful what you wish for. Just because a man is good or Godly does not guarantee he will not break up with you at some point for any number of legit reasons which have nothing to do with him cheating or being an asshole.

There is a deeper problem you're hitting up against here, which is this: every great thing comes to an end, and the greater the thing is, the sadder its end will be. You can't escape this. This is the existential suffering that the Buddha taught. Relationships are bound to be painful. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship without any pain. Relationships are like a rollercoaster, so enjoy the thrill while it lasts.

The better the man, the bigger the problem.

Any kind of attachment will necessarily create suffering. Such is life.

[Eren Eeager]

@Preety_India becareful you may as well end up with weak insecure men with a lot of emotional problems . What you are looking for is a more mature man on the emotional level. I guess you can sense that from the first few dates. I guess he still will be romantic and playful but still you can sense emotional maturity from his vibes and the subtle ques he is sending. Also don't get invested in a relationship before you properly analyzes your partner from the few dates you had. A bad partner will easily expose himself if you had quite the eye.