Are YOU Leo's new girlfriend? (serious)

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, Akemrelax said:

That’s basically an arranged marriage in Indian culture. Imo they do really well. People tend to confuse it with forced marriage, they’re different. 

Except the problem there is that it's the parents' whose survival needs are being met there while the survival needs of the partners is often being ignored.

You're dealing with 4 competing survival needs there: husband, husband's parents, wife, wife's parents. Which makes for a very loaded political game. It will be difficult for Truth and Love to compete with all those interests.

[Akemrelax]

24 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Except the problem there is that it's the parents' whose survival needs are being met there while the survival needs of the partners is often being ignored.

You're dealing with 4 competing survival needs there: husband, husband's parents, wife, wife's parents. Which makes for a very loaded political game. It will be difficult for Truth and Love to compete with all those interests.

It can be but if your parents are understanding and yours and their survival needs don’t conflict, it can be really good.

Many kids ask their parents to get them arranged too. 

“Normal” marriages have problems too, problems can happen in any relationship.

The point was it’s very close to being direct about what each party wants without much BS.

Edited November 19, 2020 by Akemrelax

[MsNobody]

DAMNNN IT! I'm late, where do I sign up? 

@Leo Gura You've been talking about this conscious relationships vid for a while now, I think we would all benefit from it, plus solving the romantic side would free us time to do more PD work.. 

I have a question for you: Nowadays I mostly watch your content and Matt Kahn's, I feel like Matt Kahn is the heart and you are the mind, to love you don't need to understand and sometimes I question myself if I should take one approach or the other, since being in my feminine seems to be much easier than understanding all the complexities of the mind, do you think at some point you will be more heart centered as you approach enlightment or your style will still be very rational?

[Preety_India]

2 minutes ago, Akemrelax said:

It can be but if your parents are understanding and yours and their survival needs don’t conflict, it can be really good.

Relationships are already hard enough with gaps in understanding between partners. And now you're also expecting the understanding from parents to be factored in. 

You need to understand the problem of "generational gap." 

You're completely ignoring the needs of millions of young Indian boys and girls who are fed up with the interference from their parents, not giving them privacy to experience a relationship freely without putting their noses into everything. 

The biggest factor why the divorce rate is very low in India is because most women aren't financially independent and have nowhere else to go other than their husbands. 

This gives a competitive advantage to men in India and they can easily say that the marriage is successful meanwhile completely ignoring how the Indian woman feels in the marriage. 

Wait for women in India to become financially independent in large numbers and you will see the divorce rates climb like in western countries. 

More women will stop putting up with their husband's bad behaviors because they will have better survival options. 

You're trying to paint this rosy picture of marriages in India. 

However, the truth is far from this 

If marriages in India were such a blissful situation, then my fellow indian girl friends would have been more than eager to marry. No they don't. They have suffered generational trauma and they don't want what their mommies went through. 

They want to be single more than ever and they want financial freedom and they want nice boyfriends but they don't want marriage. 

They see marriage as a cage. That says a lot about the Indian marriage system

It's a patriarchal trap meant to benefit men and their families. The women are supposed to supply the needs of the male by producing him heirs (especially sons because sons are so valued in India that daughters are aborted) and she is supposed to be this submissive Stepford wife with no needs of her own

 

And If the Indian woman ever expressed any needs she will be gaslighted as selfish. 

Is that the reason why If I ever even wear a lipstick guys on the street catcall and call me a slut for just being myself??? 

So much for supporting women eh!!! 

[electroBeam]

43 minutes ago, tsuki said:

@electroBeam Could you list some aspects of romantic relationships that you consider to be not survival based?

We could categorise what's survival vs what's not survival based, but I don't think I'm qualified to answer that. A consensus from men and women here would certainly yield a substantial list that would give a better indication.

Rather I'd like to think that approach and attitude constitutes that of a conscious romantic relationship more articulately, as opposed to upholding a list of criteria which is to be adhered to. What we all want, regardless of spiritual calibre or inclination, is to see the love, beauty and intelligence that shines through our ignorance and deception, and some of us may be more on board directly with that, while others stagnate within their attachments and need time to penetrate through them by means of suffering or adversity. Regardless of the latter, we are not bound to follow those that are stagnate if we don't want to, and can rather, if its in us, choose to live in a way which honours what we truly want, and demonstrates, or even proves to the ones we're in relationships with, that this want isn't just within you but them as well, and that its just the lack of exposure and perspective to an alternative to the status quo, that's keeping the stagnation in power, and the joy of the present infinite, hidden.

As God, there's deep joy in experiencing ALL of who you truly are, from everything to meditating in a cave, varied careers, varied experiences in holidays AND to varied personal relationships, where the point isn't necessarily focused on maxing out feeling just 1 particular variety of experience, like pleasure from sex, but on broadening it so you can connect the pleasure of sex with other varied experiences, and draw insights between those connections, as to deepen not just the pleasure from sex, but experience/God as a whole. Once you see, for example, the connection between sex and intimacy during holidays, or time of adversity, or bonding over family, you get a deepening of the sex, along with all those other things which makes the experience as a whole deeper and more God like.

The relationship was never about the finite. It was never specifically about her, or you, or the relationship, for that was all ignorance. It was always about the love, intelligence and beauty that shined through it. It was about You. Yet for you to really appreciate the You as fully as you can, the contrast of ignorance, and working through the ignorance is what give the true you its sparkle. Working through the ignorance is the icing on the cake of infinite love. Truly, there are no absolute rules or regulations when it comes to being truly happy, no rules about short term relationships, long term relationships, conventions over birthdays or family get togethers. Rather the rules are scaffolding for building up to seeing Yourself as fully as can be. The rules are to be played so you can deepen yourself with the One. You can choose to do that, or you choose to not play the rules that way and live in stagnation, attachment and misery, its your choice from the free will that you have. 

[Akemrelax]

11 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Relationships are already hard enough with gaps in understanding between partners. And now you're also expecting the understanding from parents to be factored in. 

You need to understand the problem of "generational gap." 

You're completely ignoring the needs of millions of young Indian boys and girls who are fed up with the interference from their parents, not giving them privacy to experience a relationship freely without putting their noses into everything. 

The biggest factor why the divorce rate is very low in India is because most women aren't financially independent and have nowhere else to go other than their husbands. 

This gives a competitive advantage to men in India and they can easily say that the marriage is successful meanwhile completely ignoring how the Indian woman feels in the marriage. 

Wait for women in India to become financially independent in large numbers and you will see the divorce rates climb like in western countries. 

More women will stop putting up with their husband's bad behaviors because they will have better survival options. 

You're trying to paint this rosy picture of marriages in India. 

However, the truth is far from this 

If marriages in India were such a blissful situation, then my fellow indian girl friends would have been more than eager to marry. No they don't. They have suffered generational trauma and they don't want what their mommies went through. 

They want to be single more than ever and they want financial freedom and they want nice boyfriends but they don't want marriage. 

They see marriage as a cage. That says a lot about the Indian marriage system

It's a patriarchal trap meant to benefit men and their families. The women are supposed to supply the needs of the male by producing him heirs (especially sons because sons are so valued in India that daughters are aborted) and she is supposed to be this submissive Stepford wife with no needs of her own

 

And If the Indian woman ever expressed any needs she will be gaslighted as selfish. 

Is that the reason why If I ever even wear a lipstick guys on the street catcall and call me a slut for just being myself??? 

So much for supporting women eh!!! 

You’re projecting lots of shit! Look if you don’t like my opinions you can just ignore them, it will be best for both of us.

Actually I know plenty of financially independent women who support arranged marriages. Many women like arrange marriages. Not all families are like your family, not all arranged marriages are like the ones you’ve seen.

Arrange marriage is literally your parents referring someone to you. You can reject them. It’s nothing more nothing less.

You sound like a know it all. How about fixing your own relationships before giving advice? 

[Preety_India]

Just now, Akemrelax said:

You’re projecting lots of shit! Look if you don’t like my opinions you can just ignore them, it will be best for both of us.

Actually I know plenty of financially independent women who support arranged marriages. Many women like arrange marriages. Not all families are like your family, not all arranged marriages are like the ones you’ve seen.

Arrange marriage is literally your parents referring someone to you. You can reject them. It’s nothing more nothing less.

You sound like a know it all. How about fixing your own relationships before giving advice? 

That's not an advice. It's opinion on the situation of arranged marriages in India. 

And understand this that not everyone is going to have the same opinion as you  on a subject. The subject was Indian marriages. If you don't like my opinions on the Indian system, you're free to disagree, dislike and ignore my opinions. No need to expect that I should look at Indian marriages the same way you do.. 

 

[tsuki]

@electroBeam That is a beautiful answer, exactly the one that I needed to hear and not the one that I wanted. Thank you.

[Preety_India]

@electroBeam absolutely beautiful! 

[tsuki]

1 hour ago, Preety_India said:

And If the Indian woman ever expressed any needs she will be gaslighted as selfish. 

43 minutes ago, Akemrelax said:

You’re projecting lots of shit! Look if you don’t like my opinions you can just ignore them, it will be best for both of us.

Actually I know plenty of financially independent women who support arranged marriages. Many women like arrange marriages. Not all families are like your family, not all arranged marriages are like the ones you’ve seen.

Arrange marriage is literally your parents referring someone to you. You can reject them. It’s nothing more nothing less.

You sound like a know it all. How about fixing your own relationships before giving advice? 

Your post @Akemrelax is a perfect example of what @Preety_India described as "gaslighting".

It suggests that you are in an arranged marriage, with a "happy wife".

Edited November 19, 2020 by tsuki

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, MsNobody said:

DAMNNN IT! I'm late, where do I sign up? 

Too late, they killed it for ya

Quote

@Leo Gura

I have a question for you: Nowadays I mostly watch your content and Matt Kahn's, I feel like Matt Kahn is the heart and you are the mind, to love you don't need to understand and sometimes I question myself if I should take one approach or the other, since being in my feminine seems to be much easier than understanding all the complexities of the mind, do you think at some point you will be more heart centered as you approach enlightment or your style will still be very rational?

Actually, Understanding IS Love.

How can you Love when you don't understand what Love is?

Matt's style will resonate a lot more with feminine females than mine will.

My style will evolve. But my bias is towards understanding stuff. Every teacher has his biases. Find what works for you.

[Akemrelax]

37 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

And understand this that not everyone is going to have the same opinion as you  on a subject. The subject was Indian marriages. If you don't like my opinions on the Indian system, you're free to disagree, dislike and ignore my opinions. No need to expect that I should look at Indian marriages the same way you do.. 

I respect your opinion except you implied I’m a sexist by saying I don’t support women. 

10 minutes ago, tsuki said:Your post @Akemrelax is a perfect example of what @Preety_India described as "gaslighting".

Your response seems like you are in an arranged marriage, with a "happy wife".

Oh please, I’m not married, but I have two older female cousins who got arranged marriages, ones a dentist in Australia, and the other one is a flight attendant. I know plenty independent women who are gynaecologists, in the military, teachers, etc. who got arranged marriages and are happy. 

So please. Spare me your fake ass woke condescension.

Try being informed about arranged marriages before you have opinions about them.  

 

[Preety_India]

4 minutes ago, Akemrelax said:

I respect your opinion except you implied I’m a sexist by saying I don’t support women. 

Oh please, I’m not married, but I have two older female cousins who got arranged marriages, ones a dentist in Australia, and the other one is a flight attendant. I know plenty independent women who are gynaecologists, in the military, teachers, etc. who got arranged marriages and are happy. 

So please. Spare me your fake ass woke condescension.

Try being informed about arranged marriages before you have opinions about them.  

 

Please don't assume automatically that everyone is happy.

Its bad on your part to completely ignore the shortcomings of a system. 

If someone experienced problems and expressed these problems, let them open up about their problems and don't be so judgemental to them. 

Every system will always have flaws, no system is ever perfect, always remember that! 

By the way you tried to imply that I'm slut just because I dated multiple men.. 

Spare me your slut shaming please!! 

Edited November 19, 2020 by Preety_India

[tsuki]

21 minutes ago, Akemrelax said:

Oh please, I’m not married, but I have two older female cousins who got arranged marriages, ones a dentist in Australia, and the other one is a flight attendant. I know plenty independent women who are gynaecologists, in the military, teachers, etc. who got arranged marriages and are happy. 

And if your cousins were unhappy, then why would they come to you to talk about that? Because you are open to the possibility that arranged marriages are not all that hot? And that you would understand their pain? You would get triggered just like you did when @Preety_India told you that you were wrong. And that happened on an online forum, not in person when survival is at stake! Women see right through this kind of falsehood and hide their pain from men in general.

21 minutes ago, Akemrelax said:

So please. Spare me your fake ass woke condescension.

No, no, you get this wrong.

My condescension is not fake, it's genuine. I despise men with no experience who act all-knowing.
Like you, for instance, have no experience of being married. No experience of being married in an arranged marriage. No experience of seeing through biases with regards to other sex. No experience of being an abused woman. And yet, here you are talking about this stuff and shooting others down when they disagree with you. Pathetic.

Edited November 19, 2020 by tsuki

[Leo Gura]

Take it easy guys.

[Akemrelax]

14 minutes ago, tsuki said:

And if your cousins were unhappy, then why would they come to you to talk about that? Because you are open to the possibility that arranged marriages are not all that hot? And that you would understand their pain? You would get triggered just like you did when @Preety_India told you that you were wrong. Women see right through this kind of falsehood and hide their pain from men in general.

No, no, you get this wrong.

My condescension is not fake, it's genuine. I despise men with no experience who act all-knowing.
Like you, for instance, have no experience of being married. No experience of being married in an arranged marriage. No experience of seeing through biases with regards to other sex. And yet, here you are talking about this stuff and shooting others down when they disagree with you. Pathetic.

Those cousins like their marriages. It's silly of you to assume otherwise.

I'm not shooting any one down, I'm sharing my experiences. 

So shut the fuck up please! Okay.

19 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

If someone experienced problems and expressed these problems, let them open up about their problems and don't be so judgemental to them. 

Go open up! No one stopped you!

Just don't be rude and call others sexists. 

21 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

By the way you tried to imply that I'm slut just because I dated multiple men

You agreed with that analogy!

[tsuki]

12 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Take it easy guys.

You're waaaaay too hot for that @Leo Gura

It's really refreshing to see this more human side of you. Brings out all the stuff we're repressing.

10 minutes ago, Akemrelax said:

So shut the fuck up please! Okay.

No, your insecure tears are too delicious!

 

Sigh, alright, alright. I got all excited. I'll be good now 

Edited November 19, 2020 by tsuki

[Preety_India]

39 minutes ago, Akemrelax said:

Those cousins like their marriages. It's silly of you to assume otherwise.

I'm not shooting any one down, I'm sharing my experiences. 

So shut the fuck up please! Okay.

Go open up! No one stopped you!

Just don't be rude and call others sexists. 

You agreed with that analogy!

Chill. 

Please I didn't agree with your slut shaming. 

And I'm not rude to you. I don't like engaging too much with people who disagree that's all. 

I never used the word sexist at all . But if you don't like my opinions, please don't attack me. 

You were the first one to appear on the thread  so I simply responded to you. 

That's all I wanted to say. 

Have a good day! And please chill. 

Edited November 19, 2020 by Preety_India

[Leo Gura]

People doing name-calling or personal attacks will get warnings.

[diamondpenguin]

This is nuts! This thread has gone into "(chimp-mode)". Chimpmode instantiated.