I was searching for somebody else’s truths

[Jo96]

My whole life I have heard spiritual teachers some greater then other with much wisdom and spiritual knowledge. I have heard them and I have searched for what they have told me or gone through what there path was as it was laid out. 
 

I have nothing but love for Leo and the community but what I am beginning to realize is that there is no substitute for self discovery. I have spent so many hours listening to his videos and some less than genuine attempts to doing the excersizes . Taking psychedelics and meditating for hours because someone told me that was how you get enlightened. I’m beginning to realize that this is not a genuine search. It’s more like I hear a possibility posted in a YouTube video or teaching. I hear “ you are god” and so I think to myself my oh my do I want that. But in truth I never genuinely came to that conclusion, and how can I genuinely search for something that I don’t even know exists. So I’m at this paradox where the self discovery can only be taken up by me. There is no teacher I can seek outside of myself or else I’ll be seeking for something outside of my own genuine seeking and will fail because I do not possess the will. 

I don’t know. I feel like maybe that’s the path of any genuine seeking. You come to a point where you realize that nobody else’s answers will satisfy you. They are empty words for the ego to cling to.  and so you have to say goodbye to the teacher. You have to remove all teachings from your mind and see what’s left after you remove it all. 

[Leo Gura]

Yes, of course. But also, don't use this as a ego-trick to stop your spiritual work. Customize the work and the path to yourself. But you can still use teachers and teachings to guide you. Just don't get too attached to the teachings. And yes, honor your own intuitions.

[PurpleTree]

"I wish that you, oh exalted one, would not be angry with me," said the young man. "I have not spoken to you like this to argue with you, to argue about words. You are truly right, there is little to opinions. But let me say this one more thing: I have not doubted in you for a single moment. I have not doubted for a single moment that you are Buddha, that you have reached the goal, the highest goal towards which so many thousands of Brahmans and sons of Brahmans are on their way. You have found salvation from death. It has come to you in the course of your own search, on your own path, through thoughts, through meditation, through realizations, through enlightenment. It has not come to you by means of teachings! And—thus is my thought, oh exalted one,—nobody will obtain salvation by means of teachings! You will not be able to convey and say to anybody, oh venerable one, in words and through teachings what has happened to you in the hour of enlightenment! The teachings of the enlightened Buddha contain much, it teaches many to live righteously, to avoid evil. But there is one thing which these so clear, these so venerable teachings do not contain: they do not contain the mystery of what the exalted one has experienced for himself, he alone among hundreds of thousands. This is what I have thought and realized, when I have heard the teachings. This is why I am continuing my travels—not to seek other, better teachings, for I know there are none, but to depart from all teachings and all teachers and to reach my goal by myself or to die. But often, I'll think of this day, oh exalted one, and of this hour, when my eyes beheld a holy man."