Suicidal... How to forget an ex? Soul crushing thoughts.

[Preety_India]

 I've been trying to forget an ex since the past few days and I've tried extremely hard to forget him completely but his thoughts keep coming back and make me depressed. 

I tried all sorts of distractions. But even when I'm working, I get his thoughts. 

I just don't want to cry again and go through that whole cycle. 

Very soul crushing thoughts. 

Any tips on how to completely forget and get over it. Thanks. 

I'm just trying to relax but I can't. His thoughts are very intrusive. 

The thoughts were so depressing that it  made me suicidal. 

 

 

Edited November 16, 2020 by Preety_India

[Potato People King]

The flame of karma has to burn out and that needs time, but don't feed it with uncessesary ruminations.

Meanwhile, what helped me to get through was focusing on the positive. I don't know why you broke up and who initiatied it, but you can definitely look forward to see someone new, or follow your hobbies more. Just focus on what excites you, what makes you happy. And see it's going to expand because of the break up. Because you are not any more bounded with this particular person - you are "free" once again.

Also I did not try too "hard". It was more - OK, let's move on. There are new exictinig horizons before me, it is not the end of the world. The Aphrodite is around the corner! :-D

And it generally helps to cultivate this thought that Universe, God, or whatever you want to call it, has its mysterious ways. What should be will be. If you brake up with somebody, it should have been this way...

[Eph75]

@Preety_India What is it about him that you are having difficulties letting go?

Do you still want him, deep down, somewhere, in some way?

Or, is it his critical voice that makes a guest appearance in your thoughts, putting you down in his absence?

Trying "hard to forget" sounds a lot like suppression, and we all know how that's not a solution.

What is it that you needs to come to terms with [with yourself] in order to package him up in a red heart shaped love fueled balloon and just let the thoughts of gently drift away in a breeze, never to haunt you again?

[Preety_India]

 

3 minutes ago, Eph75 said:

@Preety_India What is it about him that you are having difficulties letting go?

The fact that he was very abusive in the relationship hurts a lot. He also cheated on me many times. So these are the question that come to my mind,

"why did he lie to me?" 

"why did he cheat on me?" 

"why did he treat me so badly?" 

"how could he hurt me so much and still say that he loved me?" 

"what did I do to deserve such mistreatment and unfairness?" 

"why did he use me and pretend like he really was loving me?" 

"how could he hurt me and still say that he cares about me, which means that he never cared about me?" 

"why hurt me so much and why such deception, could have let me go by being honest?" "why not simply tell the truth and let me go?" 

"why did he manipulate me and play such games and hurt me with his games?" 

"I loved him so much and did so much for him, how could he not care about me at all and then claim that he really cared?" 

"how and why did I trust a man so much and let him hurt me?" 

 

3 minutes ago, Eph75 said:

Do you still want him, deep down, somewhere, in some way?

I don't want him at all. I hate him for what he did to me. I wish I had never come across him. 

 

3 minutes ago, Eph75 said:

Or, is it his critical voice that makes a guest appearance in your thoughts, putting you down in his absence?

Yes. He used to call me names like bitch etc. His hate and anger used to hurt me. And those words still hurt even after the breakup. Those words and his passive aggressive statements still appear in my head. He would make me feel like he didn't love me and then next day apologize and tell me that he said that in anger and didn't mean it. 

Those thoughts would appear, like why did he never love me but still wanted the relationship!! 

 

3 minutes ago, Eph75 said:

Trying "hard to forget" sounds a lot like suppression, and we all know how that's not a solution.

Yes suppressing the pain, the hurt and the trauma of his cheating and me finally breaking up with him after getting fed up with his games. 

I don't want revenge but the constant emotion is of "being wronged", like something unfair that happened to me with no acknowledgement of it from his side. 

He has NPD narcissistic personality disorder along with bipolar. 

 

3 minutes ago, Eph75 said:

What is it that you needs to come to terms with [with yourself] in order to package him up in a red heart shaped love fueled balloon and just let the thoughts of gently drift away in a breeze, never to haunt you again?

The anguish of knowing that certain men end up hurting a woman so bad and not acknowledging that hurt caused and feeling I was taken advantage of, manipulated, used, abused, unloved, uncared for, lied to, cheated on, verbally and physically attacked, feeling scammed, feeling duped, feeling humiliated by his cheating and abuse, feeling like being violated, boundaries violated and discarded, feeling disrespected and uncared, feeling rejected, feeling unwanted but used, feeling exploited and treated like a ragdoll. 

 

 

[Michael569]

@Nahm @aurum  may have deep & powerful insights. 

What helped me personally get over few things was this book I got recommended by someone

if you can find it locally maybe. 

[F A B]

@Preety_India 

1) His unfairness is not your fault. You are not responsible for his actions.

2) You are always deserving of love no matter what he did to you. You will always have an intrinsic value no matter what.

[Eph75]

@Preety_India Notice how the ego makes it all about you. And notice how the stories are very elaborate. Also notice how the stories strengthen your "rights" and demonize his "wrongs". In this process you make a permanent place for these stories to live on, casting shadows of the past over your present, a dusk falling over you like a damp, heavy blanket.

Notice how our self-importance grows by repeating these kind of stories. They makes us feel anger and with it comes an infective and addictive false sense of power.

Letting go of him requires letting go of your stories about you-and-him. Taking the negative energy away from fueling the stories.

Packaging him in such a heart shaped box and letting it go, with love, is in that sense rather that letting go of your stories. The stories are easier to take responsibility for than taking responsibility for "him" and "his words" appearing in your thoughts. When the stories goes, he will follow.

Living in the now prevents these stories from being. Being in the moment is being in a storyless space. Being in the past or the future both cast such shadows over the present. In this very moment, nothing else than your awareness exists.

 

Edited November 16, 2020 by Eph75

[TripleFly]

Sometimes I wake up in anxiety in the middle of the night. Or fear just takes me over and I feel extremely insecure..

Rapid deep breathing helps me. Inducing a 'mini-panic-attack', hyperventilating on purpose to RESET your entire being, you bypass the mind, cut off the chatter and head straight home.

Look up on youtube "TAKE A DEEP BREATH", they have a lot of different styles of breathing. I recommend the HARD RAPID breaths, the type that will almost make you pass out, but each to his own.

Also I recommend, Troy Casey's breathing, he does different stuff too. His story with breathwork is that after his divorce he used to wake up in anxiety and hyperventilating at night full of sweat, he used breathing to RESET, REFRESH his mind body. 

Take control of your life. you can do it!!

[aurum]

41 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

He has NPD narcissistic personality disorder along with bipolar. 

That is no joke. Getting out of those relationships can be one of the hardest things anyone ever does.

To me, it sounds like you're still somatically carrying the trauma of the experience. You've consciously moved on, but your body / subconscious has not.

Stick with whatever spiritual practice you have. And I'd also recommend seeing a professional healer for an issue like this. Theta healing is my personal favorite, but you can choose whatever you want.

[evgn]

As a person who has been suicidal for almost 10 years i can tell that the depression and suicidal thoughts will pass away, its very hard but be patient.

[Nahm]

@Preety_India

When the goodness of feeling is attributed to coming from another, so too is the heartbreak. There is no question the love is within you, suffering is evidentiary of this. It takes time for the mind to wind down, understandably. Hope you take this the ‘right’ way, but uh, doesn’t sound like much of a loss really (from what you say about him). Expression of the feelings is key...like you’re doing here. Any creative expression in any other category (‘him’ as one category) would do. The theme seems to be ‘he hurt me’, which may very well be true in a variety of ways. However, the past is passed (I know, easy for me to say, sorry). Any suffering now can only be attributed to, now. ‘The challenge’, the (of course) paradoxical end to the suffering...is loving unconditionally. 

[arlin]

I had experience similar to this.

I would say, first thing you do, you open up and talk to somebody and cry it to them. The pain is too much sometimes, you need support.

Secondo, i would say that you actually, AFTER, you processed your pain and had the support of others, seek ways in which you are positive and valuable to other humans even if it's bullshit little things. 

That will stat to take a momentum of it's own and you will find a partner that really loves you.

Also shadow work is fantastic for this sorts of things. You really have to look on to your past traumas because if you attracted a man like this is for some aspect of your's that you have repressed.

Hope you'll be good   

I feel your pain.

Edited November 16, 2020 by arlin

[Preety_India]

@arlin you're a wonderful and fantastic person. Your words made me cry and gave me hope. 

[arlin]

@Preety_India Thank you, i really appreciate it  

[Preety_India]

@Khr thank you so much. 

[Byun Sean]

Damn that sounds hard.

If it were me I would: 

meditate plenty and stay mindful of when thoughts of him come up.

Get out and enjoy nature by myself.

Take some time doing something relaxing that I enjoy.

Spend some time with a good friend.

Journal my thoughts and emotions.

Pretend there is another me in front of me and talk to that version of me about my feelings.

 

You probably won't ever forget him from your memory but the pain attached to your thoughts of him can and will heal.

[integral]

These are all necessary experiences for you to have, you will learn from this and the difficulties you faced will not repeat themselves. The next relationship will be with a mature developed person and you'll experience how effortless and easy relationships are ment to be. 

No deception, no manipulation, no rollercoaster... just simple honest communication and expectations. 

Edited November 16, 2020 by integral

[Leo Gura]

Just suffer through it and don't entertain any thoughts of suicide. You will come out fine in a few weeks. It's just a temporary chemical low. It will lift rather quickly.

[RendHeaven]

I don't know about you, but there's no way I'm letting anyone who hurt me live in my head rent-free 

 

[diamondpenguin]

@Preety_India Yea. That's sounds like classic bipolar disorder right there. That boy had bipolar episodes comin out his ass. I've known a few people like that and his bipolar was kicking in into the 6th gear.