Is the ego important or not?

[Chimera]

Hey there ! First time posting!!

I recently discovered that the main reason I am unhappy since a long time in my life is because of denying myself and my personal needs. 

To avoid feeling unpleasant emotions, I tried for many years to suppress how I feel by labelling it as the ego, and by doing so as something which do not exist (What I understood from spirituality is that desires and pulsions were only the ego trying to define itself, and since the ego is illusion, there is no use to having desires)  . This resulted in me having no will to do whatsoever, even the will to live, and having an unfulfilling life.

But when I listen to my needs, what my heart tells me to do, i feel so much happiness, so much liberation... I am living again!!

I need to learn who I am and what do I want from this life I order to have an existence which I can claim as my own!

But isn't that ego? Is the detachment from ego implies that you must feel dead inside?

 

[Moksha]

Welcome, @Chimera 

Listening to your heart is a good first step. Ask yourself, who is doing the listening?

Ego is identification with your thoughts and feelings. You believe that you are those thoughts and feelings. Detaching from your ego is realizing yourself as Consciousness. You are aware of your thoughts and emotions, but you no longer identify with them. Thoughts and emotions have a strong gravitational pull for most of us. The pull is so strong that we get sucked into them, and believe we are them.

When you are able to recognize that, and realize yourself as Consciousness, there is suddenly space. Consciously, you can observe your thoughts and emotions, explore them, and watch them come and go, without being dragged into them. You are able to start noticing what is happening, in this moment. You are free to begin accepting whatever is, rather than resisting it. Rather than suffering from the past, or feeling anxious about the future, you are able to simply be.

From this place, you are in a position to live your life fully. It is the opposite of feeling dead inside. You live Consciously, with love, happiness, and peace.

If you haven't read it yet, I recommend The Power of Now as a very helpful guide

 

 

Edited November 15, 2020 by Moksha

[Shin]

1 hour ago, Chimera said:

But isn't that ego? Is the detachment from ego implies that you must feel dead inside?

 

 

Detachment from the ego means that instead of being in the traffic, you see the traffic from a plane.

The traffic is your thoughts and emotions

 

Another analogy would be that you will be able to hear your thoughts the same way you hear a bird, and feel your emotions the same way you feel the wind

[Chimera]

Thanks @Moksha!

So ego is thoughts and feelings... how about wanting something? 

It seems each teachings I search into points out that wanting something, let's say a significant other or a car, is the ego self trying to define itself as the owner of a nice car or as someone else's lover for example.

Is wanting something the ego?

 

[Chimera]

8 minutes ago, Shin said:

 

Detachment from the ego means that instead of being in the traffic, you see the traffic from a plane.

The traffic is your thoughts and emotions

 

Another analogy would be that you will be able to hear your thoughts the same way you hear a bird, and feel your emotions the same way you feel the wind

Ok, that's a nice analogy!

[Javfly33]

The ego is your whole life as a human separate from the "physical world". That´s it.

Now you can have a more healthy and conscious ego or not. But as long as you want to keep surviving in this human form you will keep an ego.

[Roy]

Ego is important in so far as you need to develop it (and have a healthy relationship with it) so you can engage in survival in as conscious a way as possible.

Other than that, no.

[PurpleTree]

7 minutes ago, Chimera said:

Thanks @Moksha!

So ego is thoughts and feelings... how about wanting something? 

It seems each teachings I search into points out that wanting something, let's say a significant other or a car, is the ego self trying to define itself as the owner of a nice car or as someone else's lover for example.

Is wanting something the ego?

 

If you have a preference for something etc. that's totally fine even if it's a strong preference

If you feel you need something/someone to feel "whole" that's the ego

that's how i understood it anyway 

[Chimera]

7 minutes ago, PurpleTree said:

If you have a preference for something etc. that's totally fine even if it's a strong preference

If you feel you need something/someone to feel "whole" that's the ego

that's how i understood it anyway 

So I can need something/someone, as long as I don't feel like I need it in order to exist/ feel alive/feel whole...ok I am beginning to understand now!

[lmfao]

@Chimera I'm gonna sidestep talking about whether ego is important is not. And instead try and give pointers about how to generally manage the paradoxes going on.
---
The problem I've found with suppressing and denying feelings is that it's denying reality. Denying the truth of what's in your direct consciousness is a central part of that pattern. 

You should always want to be on the side of examining your experience as it is. Ignore what books and other people say (and have programmed you with, so self-deception is your biggest enemy) about how you should see your experience. The more powerfully you relate to your direct experience, the more powerful you become.
----
Okay but here's where it gets nuanced.

It is possible to be in touch with the truth of your experience whilst being determined and fixed on achieving some goal.
It's difficult because when trying to reach some goal or do some process, we superimpose ideals on experience, and the ideals distort your perception of what your experience actually is. Hence all the suffering, beating yourself up, etc. 

So. Be fully accepting and fully observant of your experience as it is. And if you're aiming to and trying to force yourself to do something, take every forceful step as consciously as you can .  You'll find that you relax unnecessary muscles. 

---

Due to me projecting myself onto you, I'm gonna elaborate a bit more on the last point about my discovery of it. After a long time of denying and suppressing my feelings, I heard these eastern ideas of acceptance of the present moment. 

I heard and believed in an attitude of "don't try". 

But here's the thing. People's automatic behaviour, your current way of being, it will remain the same unless you do something. Trying to be more conscious and more mindful and more accepting, that's a deviation from our automatic behaviour. So you have to try and break the automatic. And that will require "forcefulness" without denying anything at all about the truth of your experience, and it's hard. 
 

Edited November 15, 2020 by lmfao

[Chimera]

15 minutes ago, Roy said:

Ego is important in so far as you need to develop it (and have a healthy relationship with it) so you can engage in survival in as conscious a way as possible.

Other than that, no.

Always had a problem understanding this as well. 

I understand to a certain extend that letting go completely of the ego means physical death (you let yourself die). In order to function into this physical reality we need to maintain a bit of our ego : We need to take care of ourself physically and mentally, we need social interactions, we need goals and passions, etc. 

It can't be completely either one of the extreme: Living our life completely dependent of the ego or letting go of it completely. There needs to be a balance.

[Moksha]

27 minutes ago, Chimera said:

So ego is thoughts and feelings... how about wanting something? 

It seems each teachings I search into points out that wanting something, let's say a significant other or a car, is the ego self trying to define itself as the owner of a nice car or as someone else's lover for example.

Is wanting something the ego?

It's more like ego is the illusion that you are your thoughts and feelings. You can have thoughts and feelings without having an ego, you just don't misidentify with them. You are Consciousness itself, experiencing the world through a particular form that has thoughts and feelings, but is not ultimately you. Everything about that form, even its desires and aversions, are not who you really are.

The problem with wanting things is that we tend to think they will make us happy. Nothing ever makes you happy for very long. So you are constantly chasing the impossible dream. It's ok to want things, just don't take them too seriously, or expect them to bring you lasting happiness. True happiness arises when you realize the unchanging, beautifully creative Consciousness that you are.

[Moksha]

18 minutes ago, Chimera said:

I understand to a certain extend that letting go completely of the ego means physical death (you let yourself die). In order to function into this physical reality we need to maintain a bit of our ego : We need to take care of ourself physically and mentally, we need social interactions, we need goals and passions, etc.

You can be Conscious of who you are, and still engage in life without an ego. As long as you realize who you are, there is no ego. There is still a form, that needs to be honored and taken care of, but the form isn't ultimately who you are.

It's ok and even necessary to still have a personality, as long as it is transparent enough that you don't confuse it with yourself. The personality is special. When you shine through it as Consciousness, the light is uniquely beautiful.

Edited November 15, 2020 by Moksha

[Chimera]

4 minutes ago, Moksha said:

It's ok and even necessary to still have a personality, as long as it is transparent enough that you don't confuse it with yourself. The personality is special. When you shine through it as Consciousness, the light is uniquely beautiful.

Ok, i am beginning to get it now!

[Moksha]

@Chimera ?

 

Edited November 16, 2020 by Moksha

[Carl-Richard]

Spirituality is not in the business of surpressing your personal desires or killing the ego. It's about elevating the expression of yourself to such heights that you transcend it all. Embrace life to its fullest and spiral out, my friend  

[Nahm]

3 hours ago, Chimera said:

But when I listen to my needs, what my heart tells me to do, i feel so much happiness, so much liberation... I am living again!!

Do that.  

 

[Gesundheit]

No, it's not important at all.

Ego is a double-edged sword. You either get lucky with it and accomplish stuff. Or you don't, and then suffer.

But you can survive without ego if you have enough courage.

[Lyubov]

It’s absolutely vital if you wish to identify and experience what we call the life of a human. It is by no means unimportant. You need somewhere to pitch your tent or else you’d be floating out in nowhere and have no perspective for your survival.

[Preety_India]

 

Without ego, you can't survive.