Keeping the vibe in a relationship

[Nate0068]

Its not that im incapable of having conversations with girls im actually pretty good at making girls laugh alot and  like my funnyness i can also have great conversations with them i can also get laid from the girls i like ive been told i have a bubbly personality my problem lyes in maintaining these girls and keeping them interested for a long time im not  gonna use her real name but lets call her jess me and jess met and were just vibing  for awhile I was really good at having really good conversations with her that both of us enjoyed we’ve hang out multiple times and it was great every time we hung out she really enjoyed me we’ve also banged a few times  we’ve also spend ALOT of nights on FaceTime as of right now jess really like me it’s just that i have alot of trouble keeping it interesting for her im starting to loose my bubblynese ive lost my ability to have those good conversations because we’ve had so many of them i feel like i have brain fog when it comes to staying smooth I really dont wanna sit her and watch this girl unlove me because of this. 

[Roy]

The fact you're worried about this shows some insecurity and this will actually be the thing that pushes her away, so it's important to relax and stop thinking about this. Apart of what was helping give you that "vibe" and smoothness was the fact you were probably not thinking so much and were just in a flow state. Keep out of your head, and get into your body and emotions. Thinking will fuck you here, not help you.

Now that you've moved past the "meeting" phase and both of your truer colours are starting to show, you're starting to become attached to the idea of being together and fear losing that, the answer to this is stop caring! You are your own complete person on your own. If she stays with you great, if she doesn't, also great! If you're going to think anything, repeat this to yourself over and over til it sticks.

If she truly likes you or "loves" you as you feel she does, then she will stay and be able to tolerate a little "boring". If it's the end of the world for her that you can't keep things on fire 24/7, well that's on her for being so demanding and she's probably not a good match for you anyways.

[Nate0068]

@Roy i felt tremendous relief reading that yeah I definitely am thinking waaayyy to much I remember a period in are relationship were we stopped talking like that and were just friends I was talking to this other girl I noticed how when I was talking to “jess” everything was smooth again and i had the flame back and it literally was because I wasn’t tripping about her

[F A B]

@Nate0068 I had this problem too.

As Roy suggested, the fear of being boring, so then the fear of losing her is what actually keeps us down. We put our value on our ability to maintain a relationship, we lose integrity and we can't enjoy it anymore. It's a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy.

Now that I threw out of the window those thoughts, I've been building a new relationship that seems to work really well (at least currently ahaha).

Edited November 14, 2020 by F A B

[Nate0068]

@F A B  Yeah my friend I applied what roy said right away already see dramatic change the fear is definitely is what is messing it up 

[Preety_India]

Hmm. Try not to think much of it 

But if I have to be very honest, I don't see much luck here. If you are having such feelings already after a bunch of hangouts, it seems like a deeper problem then what you are alluding to.. 

I see this relationship as limited. And it has more to do with you and the choices you make. 

If the same pattern continues, you'll always end up with such relationships. 

For a relationship to go on steadily, you need to be deep into it and choose charismatic partners because only then it lasts. 

A real solid long lasting relationship is a ton of hard work and the word "boring" should not exist in it. 

That word can be a killer. Watch out. 

[Nate0068]

@Preety_India

Thank you for the reply could you please go in to depth of what the problem could possibly be ? I really just wanna get to the root of this issue im having 

[Preety_India]

5 minutes ago, Nate0068 said:

@Preety_India

Thank you for the reply could you please go in to depth of what the problem could possibly be ? I really just wanna get to the root of this issue im having 

I hate to break things to people. I don't like to upset them. 

But from your description ( and I'm intuitively trying to understand your situation) I feel like there is no spark in this relationship. Please no offense. 

 

[F A B]

46 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

the word "boring" should not exist in it. 

Here you are destroying my comment above ahaha

I think @Nate0068 is already conscious of the risk of a boring relationship and right because of this "threaten" he is overcompensating.

I think the problem could be the opposite: trying too hard and not being comfortable with silence.

[Preety_India]

2 minutes ago, F A B said:

Here you are destroying my comment above ahaha

I think @Nate0068 is already conscious of the risk of a boring relationship and right because of this "threaten" he is overcompensating.

I think the problem could be the opposite: trying too hard and not being comfortable with silence.

Hmm. I don't know why I'm looking at it in a completely opposite way. I don't see it as over compensating. It could be. I could be wrong. If I'm wrong then Nate should really focus on cutting down those nasty Insecurities. 

But there is a problem. My intuition compass is rapidly shifting in a negative direction. 

my intuition is telling me that he is genuinely losing interest and is nervous of realizing this possibility. 

But once again the description is too short for me to make a final confirmation on the feelings of the OP. So I am tied here unless he gives me more clues about how his state of mind regarding this relationship 

[F A B]

6 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Hmm. I don't know why I'm looking at it in a completely opposite way.

That's fine, in this way the OP can have different perspectives. Then he will probably recognize what fits his situation better.

[Preety_India]

1 minute ago, F A B said:

That's fine, in this way the OP can have different perspectives. Then he will probably recognize what fits his situation better.

True. 

[Kalki Avatar]

 @Nate0068 I know where you are coming from. I used to experience that and its exhausting.

You need to relax and regain the power (frame control). Stay centered and just plan something. You dont have to always be talking. Go no contact for a while and her to miss you. Attraction grows in space. You also want some. You dont want to be all tired trying and trying. Dont force and rush, just slowly let things Flow. A date doesnt has to be talk and talk. Thats what the media sells. Just tell her you gonna pick her up and she follows whatever you do. Make her follow you to the groceries, make her your company to get your shit done, buy her some candies in the course, take her to a park, beach, garden, amusement park. Get creative and be spontaneous. If she sees you are on the frame of whatever you do, she will follow. 

You gotta do some inner game work first. Unbrainwash your self from all the shitty beliefs society conditions you as to how to be with women. Starting by believing you have to be rich. Thats the worst and most un true, lmao. If you accept yourself as how you are, she will. And if you change your perspectives on money and your present condition to let her know and influence how cheap ppl who fall for money are, while you prefer wisdom and being spiritual, while also not disregarding the important reality of money by telling her your vision and plans, she will love you even more. 

Now, what im saying here sounds good, but you will have to come to this conclusions by yourself through knowledge, experience and awareness. I recommend getting prepared before dating. Experiencing stuff like anxiety of talk and fear of loosing her is the lack of the 3 things I listed above. 

[aurum]

6 hours ago, Nate0068 said:

I was really good at having really good conversations with her that both of us enjoyed we’ve hang out multiple times and it was great every time we hung out she really enjoyed me we’ve also banged a few times  we’ve also spend ALOT of nights on FaceTime as of right now jess really like me

What are your intentions with Jess relationship-wise? Do you want her to be your girlfriend? Friends-with-benefits?

It sounds like you at least enjoy spending time with her outside having sex.

The more clearly you define the relationship the easier things will be.

6 hours ago, Nate0068 said:

it’s just that i have alot of trouble keeping it interesting for her im starting to loose my bubblynese ive lost my ability to have those good conversations because we’ve had so many of them i feel like i have brain fog when it comes to staying smooth I really dont wanna sit her and watch this girl unlove me because of this. 

You've lost nothing. Those conversations because you were being yourself. And you can't lose that.

The more you're paranoid about this, the more you'll manifest it.

Do you actually know that she is "unloving" you?

[Nate0068]

17 hours ago, aurum said:

 

 

You've lost nothing. Those conversations because you were being yourself. And you can't lose that.

 

That made my day haha and honestly i just wanna love jess and for her to love me doesn’t really matter if we date or not i just want to focus on love it self forget labels

[Consilience]

On 11/14/2020 at 9:10 AM, Nate0068 said:

we’ve also spend ALOT of nights on FaceTime

This is your problem. You’re spending too much time on the phone, reaching out and trying to lock her time down.