Is it important that your partner is on the Spiritual path when you are?

[xxBryantxx]

When I first got together with my partner we both were Atheist/materialistic. It's been 5 years now, with a daughter and honestly it hasn't been the healthiest relationship. Lots of ups and downs. In hindsight I probably didn't make the best decisions in continuing the relationship this far, but thanks to that it has helped me to awaken. She has always faught me on my journey of Self help and now not too fond that I'm into spirituality. She's definitely made some growth these past years, but it always felt like a struggle trying to help her realize some things. Now that I'm practicing meditation, yoga and experimenting with some psychedelics I feel that the gap level of consciousness between us is far too great. I can't relate to her, and most of our conversations are probably nothing more than small talk. I guess I'm wondering if the grass is greener on the other side so to speak. The lease on our apartment ends in April and I'm considering in going our separate ways. Is that too rash or should I be more patient? 

[loub]

The decision of staying with her is too important to give advice on on a forum. You have to know whats best there.

I think there is a trap here that many people fall into early on. You got all these new ideas now and they increasingly show you your own limitation and ignorance, and when your behavior feels limited, it feels like people around you are the reason for that. It's only natural to now want to get away from or change others, get them interested in spirituality and such. Personally, I thought that if I got myself a girlfriend who is into spirituality and self-help I could finally be the spontaneous, free, authentic and whole person I yearned to be. It did not work. Your unaddressed demons will follow you around, no matter how much you change the circumstances of your life.

So if I may ask, what exactly is that gap in consciousness between you two? What have you got going except for some fancy ideas and a tingling sensation in your head while meditating? In my experience a true increase in consciousness and the resulting freedom help to better equip you for daily life, embrace it and live it with more integrity, and not to want to hide and get away from it.

Hope that helps in some way. I did not mean for this to be practical advice on what you should do, perhaps you might need some more time to introspect. Best of luck.

[xxBryantxx]

@loub Thank you for your feedback. It's much appreciated. 

I don't feel that I'm being limited by anyone or anything nor do I want to hide from the world. I've actually been feeling pretty fulfilled and happy lately. I've got much to understand and it's been a learning process. 

It just sucks that I can't share my experiences and insights with my partner cause she'll just shrug it off and deem it as impossible. She's not open minded to other possibilities because of her materialist paradigm, so that leaves a strain in the relationship. I'm interested and passionate about all these topics that are brought up here in Actualized.org and she couldn't care less and views it as a waste of time. 

[flume]

These feelings usually only become more as time goes on. For how many years have you had these thoughts? Considering you wrote a post like this 2 years ago...  Also, she's not supporting you, small talk… For how many red flags are you waiting? 

You don't need more patience. You don’t even really need advice. If you read your own post carefully, you already know what to do. What you need is a good portion of courage. There you go:

 

 

 

(I put some in the free space for you to grab whenever you're ready to take it)

Don’t do some spiritual gymnastics to proof how evolved you are by staying with someone when it doesn't make you happy.

People mesh together spirituality and intimate relationships, usually not a great idea. If you want a fulfilling relationship, be on the same page.

@loub Sorry honey

[electroBeam]

You're not going to find someone on the spiritual path... because they rarely exist, and the ones that do exist you won't be compatible with.

At the same time, being in relationships with people, not just sexual but family and friend ones too, who dont support you will only drag you down.

So the wisest thing to do is to accept that every relationship you enter is a temporary thing, and to acknowledge straight up that you will break up with this person, and to see the beauty of that.

You'll break up with this person, break up with friends, work colleagues, some family members, and even yourself, if not now, definitely at physical death.

Breaking up is a deep fundamental principle of the universe, its the mechanics that allows you to evolve to a more aligned, more loving, more healthy version of yourself. Without breaking up, you'd be stuck at the current version of yourself for eternity. How do you evolve without letting go of the old and rebuilding the new? Breaking up is a gift, not a burden. And its here to stay.

[xxBryantxx]

@flume Yeah, I've been thinking about this for too long haven't I? ? 

I agree, I just need to summon the courage to pull the trigger on this. Thank you

[xxBryantxx]

@electroBeam You're right. All limited things are impermanent and change is fundamental. I guess I need to work on my fear of the unknown more and let go of things that aren't serving my higher Self. I do see the beauty in that, but a lot of people would tell me that I'm being irrationally spontaneous and I tend to ask myself if they're right? I would trust the people here a bit more than the average person out there though. 

[electroBeam]

7 minutes ago, xxBryantxx said:

@electroBeam but a lot of people would tell me that I'm being irrationally spontaneous and I tend to ask myself if they're right? . 

If you somehow never learnt language in your life, how would you know what others said?

Would you even know if they ever thought about you at all?

Whose the one converting the sound waves into meaning?

Is it them saying you're irrational, or you saying you're irrational? Especially when you're talking from a hypothetical thought experiment at this time.

[aurum]

@xxBryantxx

I'd ask you what do you think?

Relationships in of themselves can be a powerful spiritual path as they challenge our trauma. So the question is, what's your real motive?

Do you want to bail because you're setting a healthy boundary?

Or do you want to bail because she's triggering you?

[Viking]

@xxBryantxx in my opinion as far as i understand the situation the problem isn't some consciousness gap but lack of proper communication.

it seems she doesn't care about your subjective experiences and you think she's too 'unconscious' to understand you. i think if you truly were awakened as you say you are then there shouldn't have been any problem in the relationship if that was the only thing.

the problem is like in a lot of relationships i think and nothing about this one is special. 

i think what you need is to have a serious talk and share what you two hold in yourselves while accepting and not invalidating the other's subjective experience. your true emotions, your true needs and which needs you both feel are unfulfilled.

i think you might use spirituality and consciousness as an excuse to not do emotionally laborious work thats necessary to keep a healthy relationship.

take this all with a grain of salt as i dont know the whole situation.

[mandyjw]

This kind of conflict is a real asking to question our beliefs about self and other and what we really expect to get both from spirituality and from a partner. What do you really want? 

I've shared this frustration, but also been blown away at opportune times with how arrogant I was and how my partner could see things and had embodied things that I just plain old wasn't valuing. Sometimes we want to be understood by others, and spirituality is venturing out into something beyond understanding. We see the value of what is beyond understanding, beyond knowledge of self and other, but why do we still carry the need to be understood by others? What are we really seeking? 

[Username]

Maybe you should ask her to trip together..? This way she would be able to relate to your experiences.

[Xxthegirlfriendxx]

He didn't make it to April. I saw the post.

Edited December 1, 2020 by Xxthegirlfriendxx