How to deal with a neurotic person/partner?

[Jetam]

On this topic, I would like to write about situations and questioning about my partner which make me sed, because I do not know how to deal with it.

Ok, the situation goes like something like that:

Around 5 years ago I meet a girl who bout attract each other. Very soon I discover that even she is a very loving person she becomes very neurotic when I touch (unconsciously) EGO triggers, what is seen as her get upset over me for very trivial things, as:

-          I left the key in the lock when we are around the house. She became very upset because of it, more I try to calm her down, more upset she becomes, and more upset she becomes more she tries to hurt me.

-          When she has problems at the job, and she cries about that, I try to talk about, how she feels, talk about different situations at work, how the situation arises….. She gets very upset on me because I don’t want to help her “I need a man who knows how to make me happy, and put my attention out of a problem”.

-          When she asked me for advice, and I started to discuss solutions, which are not black and white, she upset of me, “just say which solution is better, I don’t need philosophy”, and if I chose wrong answer (according to her believes), the situation becomes even worse.

 

And there are a lot of examples when I express an opinion or do something where I do or say something,  do not go along with her EGO, where even she does not physically upset I see big contempt on her face.

But all situations have the same dynamic. During a joyful day, when all goes great something unpredictable happens, what disrupts that peace, either I do or say something, what triggers her.  As I see, she gets upset when I do or say something different from her believes or expectations.

At first, I try to talk about that, but I soon realize that if I digging into a problem, I call even more problems. I send her some “positive thinking” video which she even does not click play. I wrote a novel for her where I try to illustrate our relationship…. She was very excited about the story and she understood what I want to tell her, but in long term, nothing happens.

One of intesting moment was when I felt that she is very open, I easy trigger her to talk about our relationship, and during the conversation, she said “I try not to get upset on you”. We bout know that her reactions have nothing to do with our relationship, but it comes from different places from her life.

During those years I realize that all of her reactions come from her believes, came from her row model learned from parents. The situation becomes even more interesting when we visiting her parents when she never gets upset on me (totally different attitude), but she gets upset on her father. And her father is that person where she has learned patterns that makes her upset.

Her father is a very fear base acting person, the door is always locked, even he stays next to the door, that perhaps the robber would not come into the house. When her mother needs a car, he always drives a car out of the garage, because he sed “she can damages car when he goes out”, but when he is not at home she drives car out of a garage with no problems…. And so on.

I always try to act out of a higher self and have a heart open to share my being with the world, because my deepest passion in life is to share my being with any other being. I consciously committed my self to no egoistic life.

But when she attacks my actions or words which come from an attitude which represents my being it hurts me. Or more than hurts me it makes me sad because I do not know how to deal with her to have a peaceful life.

I understand what is happening, but I can’t found the appropriate way how to deal with it.

I will be very grateful for any suggestions which help me deal with that.

[Gesundheit]

Accept her as she is. Success comes with a tax, that is neurosis. If she's highly neurotic, that means she's a very successful person. These two things come together usually and you can't separate them. You either accept the whole package as it is or you don't get the package.

[Origins]

@Jetam She'd be escorted immediately out of the building of planet Origins  if I was in this situation, sounds like she's treating you a bit like a doormat in certain situations. I wish you the best as it concerns putting yourself first, your relationship second and her third.

We come together because we meet together in the middle, not so we can play out unhealthy relationship dynamics because we suck at relationships. That's how I approach things anyhow.

For me it would never reach this stage though, if it had, I'd be staging a big intervention on the relationship on where the boundaries began and ended. This is a matter of personality and history though, whatever works for you works for you.

It sounds like you're way, way too much of a people pleaser. I mean you've got so much information here to process that I could easily do a 1000 word response pretty quickly to give you ideas if you want but I encourage you to really do some soul searching before asking. You might like to check my response made just previous (see my profile history) to get some ideas if you like.

Sounds like you're having a really tough time you have my sympathies as you may just not have the experience to navigate beyond these difficulties (believe that you can though), all the best regardless for you and your relationship.

Edited November 19, 2020 by Origins