How to get into equanimity? What about meta-equanimity?

[Endangered-EGO]

I have 2 questions about observing objects (every percept/emotion/concept etc.)

First, I feel like the state of equanimity where everything just flows is pretty rare and only occasionally lasts more than a few hours, when I am in this state of non-resistance I realise that it just happens and it is not the result of some kind of meditation or intention. However, when I am not in that state, I experiment with "identification vs suppression" of the objects. It seems like I cannot find the right balance when I notice that I either supress something or when I am identified with it. I just sometimes fall into it. Do you guys have any tips on how to bring yourself into equanimity and find the right balance? 

Second question, what is meta-equanimity? I intuitively think the biggest non-resistance there can be is not to resist the resistance, it seems a little bit counter productive because if that's the case you can just let equanimity out of the equation, and not train that at all. Or maybe I have to do both? Like alternate between consciously "trying" not to identify with objects and not supressing them, and afterwards just accept when it happens?
For example: I have a pain in my shoulder, when I don't resist that it's okay, but when I do, I have thoughts about how it will get worse and worse and then I have some negative emotion associated to it."
Should I cut the snake by it's head, practicing equanimity with the pain in the shoulder, or allow the snake do it's thing by leaving my resistance to the pain in my shoulder alone, making me resist the thoughts and resist the negative emotion that leads to suffering?

I also regularly surrender to the deep suffering that occurs once a week, then it is so bad that I identify with it and just suffer, and allow it to "hurt" me. I'm not even sure this is doing more good than bad.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this.

[tsuki]

23 minutes ago, Endangered-EGO said:

Second question, what is meta-equanimity?

It sounds like something you would go for after mastering equanimity. I mean, when you feel that equanimity is important and you are focused on being equanimous in the presence of all stimuli, then this importance is a big attachment. I would say that letting go of that attachment is meta-equanimity. Let's not fall into the pre/post fallacy here and equate that with not learning equanimity at all. Meta-equanimity is only helpful if your attachment to equanimity is your biggest source of suffering.

Edited November 12, 2020 by tsuki

[Endangered-EGO]

2 minutes ago, tsuki said:

 I would say that letting go of that attachment is meta-equanimity. Let's not fall into the pre/post fallacy here and equate that with not learning equanimity at all. Meta-equanimity is only helpful if your attachment to equanimity is your biggest source of suffering.

Perfect, perfect, perfect. Thank you. That was the missing thought. I shouldn't burn down the boat before crossing the river.

Holy shit I told 2 people recently that awakening would just lead you to realise that you should live your life like there was nothing to reach, because in fact it will just show you that there is nothing you can do. What I miss is that someone needs to go that road to be able to realise that there is nothing "to do".

I need to take tell them that i take that back (and that they should never trust anything I say).

[Endangered-EGO]

@tsuki  However I just tried just to train equanimity with the pain in the shoulder, it's not just the pain that leads to thoughts that leads to emotion that leads to suffering, it's all of them together at once, and just focusing on the shoulder is not equanimity, it is avoiding the thoughts and emotions that arise while trying to be equanimous with the physical pain. So i believe that I need to divide and conquer the 3 objects correlated to that experience, so that I learn that there is no need to focus on the equanimity towards the pain, but I need to have equanimity towards the pain, the thoughts and the emotion, so that I don't even fall into that suffering loop because eventually there is nothing to escape from, not the direct pain, not the thoughts and not the emotions.

I need to radically accept everything, because I notice that I am in a vicious circle while doing the practice, and real equanimity probably comes when I give up that vicious circle I can't control.

[tsuki]

@Endangered-EGO Not sure how to help you other than point towards Shinzen Young's videos about the topic.
He says that developing equanimity is sometimes the only way to deal with pain for people that can't alleviate it.

In my experience, suffering is distinct from the sensations that cause it. When I stub my toe and focus directly on the sensation in my foot, I usually don't suffer in the sense that there is no need for screaming. In my experience, thoughts about the sensations arise precisely to distract me away from the experience because it is judged by the mind to be too intense. Being entangled with the narrative instead of focusing on the sensation is suffering itself. It is especially apparent when anticipation of future events arises, or thoughts about inevitability of it. It is easy to get overwhelmed by thoughts, but they are mostly fabricated to cover up the fact that the mind does not know much of the stuff that it thinks about. It is especially apparent when attempts to control circumstances are ineffective and sometimes lead to tantrums. The mind is simply a child that can't help himself to do these things. Suffering as described above is also called a regression, which is pretty accurate when consider how infants express their irritation.

The closest that comes to everyday pain like in your case it is my back and neck problems.  When I'm not having an inner tantrum in response to it, I am able to actually take responsibility and act to alleviate it. But that does not come from thinking, but rather being able to stay present with the sensation so that genuine understanding can arise. When immersed in thought-cloud, it is not always obvious what the problem really is, so zeroing-in to it may take some time. Thankfully I don't get lost that often anymore.

Again, not sure if this post is helpful as I'm mostly talking about myself here.
Have a good day and good luck with your practices.