Girlfriend vs. Single Free Life

[lukasferre]

Hey guys,

I am with my girlfriend for about one and a half year now. I love her and we have a beautiful relationship. I am 22 and my sex drive is extremely high. When I see beautiful women somewhere I immediately get an extreme desire to have sex with them.

There is some part in me which just wants to travel and live a free life and have sex with different girls. It's not about the amount but the experience of freedom. My relationship is great but I feel like this is my cozy comfort zone and a little boring.

The problem is that it would be horrible to break up with my gf but on the other side it feels like heaven to check out the world and date a lot of pretty women.

What would you do in this situation?

Thank you guys!

[Preety_India]

Maybe you should leave her. Let her be happy. 

 

[evgn]

5 minutes ago, lukasferre said:

 

The problem is that it would be horrible to break up with my gf but on the other side it feels like heaven to check out the world and date a lot of pretty women.

What would you do in this situation?

 

You are still too young and if i personally had this opportunity i would date different pretty women.

[tsuki]

Freedom and relationships are not mutually exclusive.

On one end, there is a possibility of an open relationship. On the other end, when you are truly close to your partner, then you feel free to be yourself. I suggest going deeper with your conversations, communicating your needs clearly, and it will help you with both solutions that I proposed. 

This also seems like a depth/breadth problem to me. One-on-one relationships help you go deeper with your intimacy, while the other option lets you taste various "flavors" of it. They both help you develop in the sense that they give you grounds to know yourself better and develop your communication skills. This may be a good time to think for yourself about pros and cons of both options. Choosing what you really want is easier that way. It is difficult to have both because of temporal and cultural constraints.

I also wouldn't be too concerned with leaving her in the sense that you can't fake happiness. She will know that something's up long before you tell her if you feel resentful for being "trapped". You are young and exploration is best done at that age.

Edited November 12, 2020 by tsuki

[lukasferre]

1 hour ago, Preety_India said:

Maybe you should leave her. Let her be happy. 

 

She is extremely happy with the relationship, me too. She also was the best mirror for my consciousness work. I developed myself very fast in this relationship.

1 hour ago, toocrazytobecrazy said:

Girlfriend + Single Free Life = Open relationship

We have talked about that option, but she could not handle me having sex with other girls. And to be honest it would be very hard for me too.

56 minutes ago, tsuki said:

Freedom and relationships are not mutually exclusive.

On one end, there is a possibility of an open relationship. On the other end, when you are truly close to your partner, then you feel free to be yourself. I suggest going deeper with your conversations, communicating your needs clearly, and it will help you with both solutions that I proposed. 

This also seems like a depth/breadth problem to me. One-on-one relationships help you go deeper with your intimacy, while the other option lets you taste various "flavors" of it. They both help you develop in the sense that they give you grounds to know yourself better and develop your communication skills. This may be a good time to think for yourself about pros and cons of both options. Choosing what you really want is easier that way. It is difficult to have both because of temporal and cultural constraints.

I also wouldn't be too concerned with leaving her in the sense that you can't fake happiness. She will know that something's up long before you tell her if you feel resentful for being "trapped". You are young and exploration is best done at that age.

Thanks so much for your advice! As I said I am happy in the relationship. And there maybe some more shadows to be explored. Especially that for me as guy it would be hard to know that she would date other guys. - I have to look on this topic again.

[Preety_India]

@lukasferre do you wish to leave her or do you just want her around as a backup option? 

 

Edited November 12, 2020 by Preety_India

[tsuki]

8 minutes ago, lukasferre said:

As I said I am happy in the relationship.

And yet, you want to be free . What's up with that?
Maybe you want to be free from your overly-active sex drive?

[lukasferre]

 

18 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

@lukasferre do you wish to leave her or do you just want her around as a backup option? 

Neither.

12 minutes ago, tsuki said:

And yet, you want to be free . What's up with that?
Maybe you want to be free from your overly-active sex drive?

Maybe I need to manage the energy better, yes. 

[Preety_India]

11 minutes ago, lukasferre said:

 

Neither.

Maybe I need to manage the energy better, yes. 

If she doesn't like you sleeping around and if you don't wish to leave her then the solution is only one thing - don't think about other women. Focus on your girl and be faithful to her. 

[aurum]

@lukasferre

Yeah I can relate to this dilemma.

I haven't found any easy answers here. But I can say that you want to get to a point where you really want the commitment.

It can't feel like a cage anymore, it's got to feel like you're really consciously choosing this. You're excited about the idea of just seeing her, even if you're physically attracted to other women.

How you get there depends on you. You might have to mess around with other girls until it clicks that you want something deeper. Or, maybe you realize you just want to be single forever.

 

[AlphaAbundance]

Maybe take a break

Split test it

Explore while you can --- the clock is ticking my nigga.

Edited November 13, 2020 by AlphaAbundance

[oMarcos]

Girlfriend vs. Single Lonely Life

 

 

[Axiomatic]

I mean if you wanna be sneaky and manipulative about it, do what women do. Say that "you want to take a break", so you can go around and do what you want, but still have her on your line. But I wouldn't recommend that. 

[Leo Gura]

52 minutes ago, Axiomatic said:

do what women do. Say that "you want to take a break", so you can go around and do what you want,

Watch your grossly self-biased generalizations.

[Axiomatic]

@Leo Gura *shrug*

[Origins]

For me there's no better phenomenological experience of consciousness or memory inclusive therein than the shared experience with someone you love.

You'll keep each other warm in one another's memories and hearts when you're away from one another and expand your sense of being and unity with existence when you're together.

To conquer the world alone is to have no one to share the spoils of war with, to talk about your triumphs with, to lift them when they're down, for them to raise you when you need to be pushed further. True love is the reminder of spirit outside of your own and what it can do to dramatically expand your life and theirs and all of life's possibility.

[diamondpenguin]

I'll take being a relationship over being single for sure. Hanging around friends nonstop gets dull but being with someone just melts you into the waters of love. 

[diamondpenguin]

She might be really upset if you leave her its prolly better to stay till the relationship decays naturally. It's never good to be that fuckboy who's ditches his girl to fuck other girls. 

[Arthur]

On 11/12/2020 at 7:27 AM, lukasferre said:

There is some part in me which just wants to travel and live a free life and have sex with different girls. It's not about the amount but the experience of freedom. My relationship is great but I feel like this is my cozy comfort zone and a little boring.

This is a fantasy many young guys have. The reality is, that getting sex consistently without a relationship is very difficult. To have it as often as you would with a gf requires you to be in the 1% of guys who have crazy game and a massive social circle. At that point, it becomes a full-time job of keeping your social image and chasing girls. 

It seems like you have opportunities while you're in a relationship, but it all flips around. However, if you're looking for growth, it's a good way to push yourself. Just realize that you'll feel like a starving wolf most days.