Is being/feeling "cool" a thing of the ego?

[PurpleTree]

being cool, looking cool, appearing cool, feeling cool

wanting to be cool and appearing cool to others?

Is that a thing of the ego?

[PurpleTree]

for example you know how some people walk "cooler" than others

then that walk makes them feel even "cooler"

i mean "cool" might be a weird specific kind of of a feeling etc. maybe it's also a culmination of other feelings

[Meditationdude]

@PurpleTree I think you are cool 

Edited November 12, 2020 by Meditationdude

[Shin]

100% ego.

If you like misery, go deeper into that.

[Michal__]

Yes, the key is to not be attached to being cool.

You can still be cool, but only if you manage to do it without attachment.

If you stopped doing everything that is connected to the ego, instead of realizing the ego doesn't exist and never existed, you wouldn't survive.

[Leo Gura]

Definitely

To truly be cool you must not care about coolness at all.

The more awake you are, the less ego you have, the cooler you are.

[Shunyata]

define coolness first

 

[Nahm]

15 hours ago, PurpleTree said:

being cool, looking cool, appearing cool, feeling cool

wanting to be cool and appearing cool to others?

Is that a thing of the ego?

YES. Anyway it is hijacked, still, YES. It is self referential thinking via believing one’s own thought about a comparison with others (as if there was someone else thinking about you). Without such monkey mind, being tends to ‘be warm’.

[Gesundheit]

Living is a thing of the ego. Anything is ego.

Coolness is a modern hierarchical concept that people use to rank each other in classes within any given hierarchy. I have strong reasons to believe that coolness wasn't even a thing before cinemas and the whole entertainment industry were created. Before coolness, it was frank power, money, magic, authority, science/religion, and leverage. Now coolness counts as an important trait to be had. If you aren't cool, you'll be judged harshly. A lot of people these days make careers and thrive barely using this one trait, when in fact it's just a useless stupid made-up thing.

[AlphaAbundance]

Quote

Is being/feeling "cool" a thing of the ego?

What is coolness? What is cool? Can you actually experience coolness in actuality/direct experience/sensations?

It may be that the idea of "being" cool is  just pure thinking/thoughts/perception/projection

Quote

 

Is being/feeling "cool" a thing of the ego?

 

Is "coolness" actually a feeling/emotion?

It may be that the thinking/perception of coolness leads to certain emotions. Perhaps

• feelings of esteem (due to thinking of yourself as worthy)
• feelings of satisfaction (due to fitting into the, somewhat arbitrary, mental projections and assessments of coolness that you defined as being good)

Quote

Is being/feeling "cool" a thing of the ego?

I would say yes. Who else is "cool"? Egos are "cool"

Although, I guess events, places, ideas, and other things not really considered egos could be "cool" as well.

[PurpleTree]

8 hours ago, Shunyata said:

define coolness first

 

 

3 hours ago, AlphaAbundance said:

What is coolness? What is cool? Can you actually experience coolness in actuality/direct experience/sensations?

It may be that the idea of "being" cool is  just pure thinking/thoughts/perception/projection

It's very hard to even define. Coolness is probably also defined different in different cultures, countries, times etc.

The feeling that i define as "cool" is probably a combination of different feelings and has something to do with dopamine etc.

For example let's say you walk down the street and some girls look at you or let's say they even turn their head and look and make it obvious they look at you think you're interesting etc. whatever. Now the feeling that you get from that with the dopamine etc. i might define it as feeling cool while you might define it as "desired" or something.

Or when you say something funny and everybody laughs, i might define the feeling as cool while you might define it as something else.

I'd probably define it as some kind of confidence boost for a while which then makes you feel "freer" more in a flow state etc.

But maybe if i'd really think about it i'd come up with something else.

[AlphaAbundance]

1 hour ago, PurpleTree said:

It's very hard to even define. Coolness is probably also defined different in different cultures, countries, times etc.

The feeling that i define as "cool" is probably a combination of different feelings and has something to do with dopamine etc.

Coolness seems to be pure thought/imagination

Is it really the case that there is an emotion in your body called "cool"?

I think the distinctions of feeling "esteemed" or "worthy" have more utility and "accuracy", due to the clear separation between thoughts/perceptions of "being desired", "being cool" and the actual emotional experience. Once separated, you can clearly see how you can change, reframe, or even evaporate these thoughts/perceptions.

I tend to dislike using the term dopamine as an assessment of one's experience as it is a neurotransmitter, not an actual emotion/feeling. It's not like your looking into your brain with the proper tools like a brain scan / MRI to figure out what the exact chemistry of what is occurring. Any notion of that's dopamine is pure imagination, what you have in your direct experience are emotions/feelings not the neurotransmitter of dopamine but I digress

 

This "coolness" we are talking about here seems to have components of

• What you think about yourself
• What you think others think about yourself

The emotion/feeling is not in the situation/scenario/environment, it's due to your perception/thoughts of that environment.

1 hour ago, PurpleTree said:

For example let's say you walk down the street and some girls look at you or let's say they even turn their head and look and make it obvious they look at you think you're interesting etc. whatever. Now the feeling that you get from that with the dopamine etc. i might define it as feeling cool while you might define it as "desired" or something.

Yeah, the distinctions/definitions are subjective, however, because they are, I would use whichever distinctions/definitions are most useful and "accurate".

Yes in that scenario due to reading their facial expressions, body language, etc. you would have a strong prediction of what they think of you. However, you are also believing (i.e thoughts/perceptions) that what they think of you is important, and then approving/validating you is good. This is not the case for all people.

• If someone is a gay man or another woman they might not care or put that much importance on what they think, in fact, if someone is a femme gay man, they may think it is bad that they looked back, thinking that he looks too masculine.  And correspondingly feel insecure and disappointed.
• If someone is a secret operative, they may think it is bad, thinking it means they are too obvious and noticeable. And correspondingly feel worried and uneasy.
• If someone is very insecure, they may still think that they are laughing at him, think he is so amazingly ugly and weird looking. And correspondingly feel inadequate and anxious.

There are probably several components to a person assessing that situation/environment/scenario as good and feeling esteemed, satisfied, etc.

• They think the females' opinion is important and valid
• They think that the females liking them (that they assessed from how they appeared) means or supports the idea that they are attractive, good looking, have swagger, or are "cool"
• They think that the females liking them (that they assessed from how they appeared) means they are worthy. (Usually low self-esteem people) This is likely due to them thinking they are unworthy and them thinking other people approving of them means they finally have worth.

In the end, it depends on whatever thoughts/perceptions that person has.

 

A lot of this is caring about what other people think, seeking validation, etc. I would say you shouldn't care about what other people think at all.

You never ever know what other people think. You can be delusional, inaccurate in judging facial expressions and body language, fall to biases like confirmation bias or they could be lying to your face or not actually know what they truly feel.

And even if you think you have a strong indicator, is what they think important at all? The majority of the time, what others think is not important. There are times when it might be best to consider what they think but it's never really best to "care" as in what they think has some sort of connection to your self-esteem.

There are some related topics to consider, such as with compassion/altruism. Such as if someone is experiencing suffering and you want to help them, in a way I guess you are "caring about what they think". Again, there are other cases like when what others think provides information (feedback, clarity, shines a light on potential blind spots, etc.). There are many nuances.

 

1 hour ago, PurpleTree said:

Or when you say something funny and everybody laughs, i might define the feeling as cool while you might define it as something else.

Yeah there is many things to consider here

• Are you seeking validation?
• Are you feeling inadequate if they don't laugh?
  • Or
• Are you sharing joy?
• Are you aiming to become better at humor? Just amusing yourself and others with humor?

I would say its problematic when you want others to laugh to approve of yourself. 

I see so maybe its that when caring what others think is connected to your self-esteem it becomes problematic. It means you are putting more value to what they think about you (or really what you think they think about you) than what you think about yourself. That would probably be low self-esteem (There are may be many caveats and subtle points, like what if its a mentor, what if that person knows better, etc. but I would say generally this is the case.)

Validation can be Ok I guess. It's just one of those subtle (and sometimes gross) addictions. I don't know

But in the end, if you are really sure of yourself do you really need validation?

This is something I want to ask myself as well. I felt a bit of unease and cognitive dissonance even asking it.

 

1 hour ago, PurpleTree said:

I'd probably define it as some kind of confidence boost for a while which then makes you feel "freer" more in a flow state etc.

Yeah if someone needs others for this confidence boost I would say this is problematic. If it's some sort of social confidence, then I guess getting positive feedback would increase this social confidence. If it's connected to feeling esteemed, worthy, or adequate then I would say that needs mindful investigation

Someone who is sure of themselves (and constantly reminds themselves and appreciates their worth) could be in this free feeling state a lot. Although, I would say feeling free is also (or more so) related to being connected and attune with your body, open body language, feeling calm, more at peace, etc. These are factors associated with confidence and calmness as well.

 

1 hour ago, PurpleTree said:

But maybe if i'd really think about it i'd come up with something else.

Yeah, I would say this distinction/definition of "coolness" as a feeling/emotion is inaccurate and has poor utility. However, if it's understood that this feeling of "coolness" isn't coming from the situation but your assessment of that situation, kind of like the connected "cool" emotion to an assessed scenario of "coolness" then I guess it wouldn't be that problematic. These are subtle differences, but I would say you can use whatever seems most true (while also understanding the general differences between thoughts/perceptions and emotions/feelings). Here are some labels for different emotions:

 

Edited November 12, 2020 by AlphaAbundance

[PurpleTree]

11 hours ago, AlphaAbundance said:

Coolness seems to be pure thought/imagination

Is it really the case that there is an emotion in your body called "cool"?

In the end nothing is called anything. We just gave different emotions names or made sounds with our mouths to describe them somehow.

11 hours ago, AlphaAbundance said:

Yeah if someone needs others for this confidence boost I would say this is problematic. If it's some sort of social confidence, then I guess getting positive feedback would increase this social confidence. If it's connected to feeling esteemed, worthy, or adequate then I would say that needs mindful investigation

Someone who is sure of themselves (and constantly reminds themselves and appreciates their worth) could be in this free feeling state a lot. Although, I would say feeling free is also (or more so) related to being connected and attune with your body, open body language, feeling calm, more at peace, etc. These are factors associated with confidence and calmness as well.

If you had that positive constant feedback as a child then you might not need if you're a grown up. If you come from some kind of "broken home" etc. you might actually need some of that social feedback and there might be value to it. Even famous people etc. a lot of them became successful because they seek some kind of validation. And if you just focus on spirituality being aware etc. might also not be the best idea all the time if you have some deficits. Or do you know some kind of good techniques to get over needing positive social feedback?

11 hours ago, AlphaAbundance said:

 

Yeah, I would say this distinction/definition of "coolness" as a feeling/emotion is inaccurate and has poor utility. However, if it's understood that this feeling of "coolness" isn't coming from the situation but your assessment of that situation, kind of like the connected "cool" emotion to an assessed scenario of "coolness" then I guess it wouldn't be that problematic. These are subtle differences, but I would say you can use whatever seems most true (while also understanding the general differences between thoughts/perceptions and emotions/feelings). Here are some labels for different emotions:

 

 

In the end there is no feeling called coolness. But there is also no word for the short confidence/dopamine boost which i described i think. Other people might define feeling cool differently. I get your point about the assessment of the situation and the feeling not totally coming from the inside. 

The problem here is also "shame" on the opposite side of the spectrum imo. Because the same way i might feel cool if girls turn their head or people laugh at jokes, i might feel shame if i assess another situation differently. So it's not really a winning game anyways. If i value peoples opinions (which i do at the moment) then i value the positive and the negative ones.

 

Thanks for writing such an elaborate post.

Edited November 13, 2020 by PurpleTree

[Origins]

@PurpleTree Coolness is simply expressed aesthetic consciousness on the defined limits of coolness created by consciousness. No body has limits on that but ones consciousness themselves, anyone that believes they do, is projecting.

A positive indicator I've found is that one of the subsidiary goals of consciousness in stated coolness is on breaking the threshold of consciousness that deals with said projections.

Projections are said to be intermediary vehicles of unaugmented contents that consciousness is meant to sort through, transform and re-dream to complexify into simplicity that acts with elegant complexity [ i.e. a useful invention, in this case, projections can be the birthplace of inventions that transform not just individual consciousness, but as a shared interaction the transformation of ones culture ].

That outcome is the coolness, especially when the original condition of consciousness is chaos, there's always this relationship between chaos and the ability to not just handle chaos but invent from that place which leads to expressions that are cooler than others. Elegant complexity is complexity made simple, but not so simply that you miss the nuance, of which is easy to do. 

So you can aim for higher complexity and in doing so run the risk of two things, become more cool in the eyes of consciousness or become less cool in your inability to meet the struggle. Though if you keep on getting up to raise your consciousness to the desired complexity, meaning you don't give up, my prediction is that your consciousness is probably going to find that pretty cool. 

Autobiography gives us relative artefacts that allow us to determine the patterns that consciousness has gone through overtime, when I was a baby for example, all that I needed for coolness was to not have my dummy fall out, then it progressed to my ability to walk, then to discover the physical boundaries of being by exploring how fast I could run, the myriad of ways in which I could get hurt and so on, followed by all the ways in which I shared an emotional relationship with the people around me. Coolness was abound in the discovery and extension of consciousness relative to the level that I was on at the time then, this is the pattern that we can discover in our observations of consciousness overtime. Consciousness and complexity have a nuanced relationship that we often underestimate when we don't understand their relationship in time and therefore what they could be in the future and what role from the perspective of actualisation we could play in furthering said complexity, and in doing so, our expressed coolness. There's always higher and higher levels, and it's up to you to discover what those levels are. It took me years to understand my relationship with other objects in existence, years more to understand objects relationship to me, further, and I'm only now beginning to properly augment the relationship between my consciousness of both of these across both time and space geographically, environmentally, culturally and more plus somehow in the midst of that effectively symbolising a target that my consciousness can hit in its potentialisation of being. 

So I stated that coolness is elegant complexity, coupled with this then is the experiential component of the flow that one feels while on the razor edge of complexifying consciousness. At least that's how it is for me, so they're the signs that I provide.

Edited November 13, 2020 by Origins

[AlphaAbundance]

10 hours ago, PurpleTree said:

In the end nothing is called anything. We just gave different emotions names or made sounds with our mouths to describe them somehow.

Well said

10 hours ago, PurpleTree said:

If you had that positive constant feedback as a child then you might not need if you're a grown up. If you come from some kind of "broken home" etc. you might actually need some of that social feedback and there might be value to it. Even famous people etc. a lot of them became successful because they seek some kind of validation. And if you just focus on spirituality being aware etc. might also not be the best idea all the time if you have some deficits. Or do you know some kind of good techniques to get over needing positive social feedback?

Yeah, I see what you mean. I would say not needing this positive feedback would be more towards the ideal.

What is validation? What is positive feedback? What is negative feedback? What is fame?

I think focusing on being aware and mindful would be significantly helpful as it would allow them to see the thoughts and emotions that seem to consist of this need to seek validation.

What is actually happening when someone is needing positive social feedback?

I would say meditation, mindfulness, journaling, shadow work, contemplation are all powerful techniques to eliminate this need for positive social feedback. Some self-esteem work would probably also be needed. 

I want to put my feet to the fire and actually go outside (maybe when coronavirus starts to die down) and start doing crazy shit to completely eliminate any need for other's validation and approval.

Also, there is a difference between validation/approval and attraction/charisma. Obviously, there is some overlap, and they may correlate and affect each other but generally, they are different, if only a subtle but critical difference.

10 hours ago, PurpleTree said:

In the end there is no feeling called coolness. But there is also no word for the short confidence/dopamine boost which i described i think. Other people might define feeling cool differently. I get your point about the assessment of the situation and the feeling not totally coming from the inside. 

The problem here is also "shame" on the opposite side of the spectrum imo. Because the same way i might feel cool if girls turn their head or people laugh at jokes, i might feel shame if i assess another situation differently. So it's not really a winning game anyways. If i value peoples opinions (which i do at the moment) then i value the positive and the negative ones.

It could be defined as feeling esteemed through validation, or feeling "validated", "approved"

Yeah, maybe it's that the mind has to maintain integrity. It's like either their opinions matter or they don't, you get what I mean?

Yeah the only real feedback I could see others initial opinions giving are information on

• If they see you
  • Your looks
  • Your social skills (body language, facial expression, demeanor)
• If they talk with you
  • Further social skills (conversation skills, voice, eye contact, verbal content, etc.)
  • Your occupation, job, situation, opinions, etc. (Really whatever you tell them)
• If they "know" you
  • Your habits, behaviors, tendencies, inner secrets, beliefs, perspectives, etc.

Your the only one that is with yourself 24/7 of the time, so other than self-delusion/blindspots/consciousness the max other people know about you is maybe 40% person of the time. Depending on their level of development and insight/ability to psychoanalysis, you may give their opinion more weight, but it's really you that has the access to knowing yourself the best. And in the end, it's you giving other's the authority to dictate what you believe your worth is.

Additionally, it could be helpful to realize/frame any feedback as positive, as it either shows you what you are doing well in or what you can work on (in usually low importance areas like looks, social skills). So you can see that what others know about you, especially ones that haven't talked with you is very little. They could infer a lot but most of the time, it's little. The more developed someone is, the more likely they are to adequately guess your mindset, development, understanding, etc. but even then it's like they are making guesses.

There are many nuances, exceptions, perspectives, etc. but in the end, all of this is pure thought/imagination that can be eliminated by mindfulness, awareness, and increasing consciousness. As someone develops I think this becomes a non-issue.

Not to say you can't enjoy a little hit of validation every once and a while haha

10 hours ago, PurpleTree said:

Thanks for writing such an elaborate post.

Glad to contribute?

Also, it helps to express and clarify my understanding.

[fridjonk]

@PurpleTree @Origins @AlphaAbundance

Are you guys competing for a Harvard scholarship with these long ass elaborate replies? ?

[AlphaAbundance]

@fridjonk Lmaooo I'm weak

[Origins]

@fridjonk It's about the exploration, the discovery of something new while playing at the seashore of life, "oh what's this rock, let's turn it over, oh a crab, I'll leave him be" runs to another rock... Etc, followed by setting the tourists tent on fire by the beach with their own campfire then heading back into the sea where I belong.