Journal Of Wiggles

[Daphnedenninghoff23]

 Aloha, 

https://youtu.be/Hg8JDHlkIrM

I watched this video today. Actually, I am watching this right now. After that, I will visualize for 10 min and then move on the continue the habits for the rest of the day.

Today I do not have much to say. The only thing that I want to mention is CONSISTENCY!

Continue your journey no matter what. Don't stop. Think long term success!!

So what is my level of consciousness? How do I wear my emotions? What are my motivations?

Most often my motivation is love, attention, I want to be noticed, I want to be seen. I am quite fearful?

Am I able to govern myself successfully?

This is something I need to work on. 

Manage me better.

How noble are my motivations?

Check my emotions and it will say something about the quality of my consciousness!!

TASKS: RAISE MY CONSCIOUSNESS!!

[Daphnedenninghoff23]

I have been meditating consistently for 34 days now. I meditate for 20 min every day. 
I am starting to notice how my thoughts by nature are not truth-telling. They are but concepts. 
I am also starting to become aware of the deceptional nature of the mind. Not perfectly aware, but more aware nonetheless.
Little by little, through meditation, reading books, mindfulness, and contemplation, I am starting to see little glitches in this web of concepts. 
I realize that I am very very ignorant about who I am and what reality actually is. 

I am interested in figuring out what the truth is. I realize that the games I am playing right now will have me running in circles like a hamster on a wheel. 

Edited December 1, 2020 by Daphnedenninghoff23

[Daphnedenninghoff23]

Alright, So another 30 min of meditation today. I am on a streak of 36 days now. I am starting to understand that all the benefits you get from meditation, will only be there if you do it consistently every single day. I tried meditation before, but I was never consistent. The concepts and stories in my mind seem to have some of their former importance. When I watch them they are more like clouds floating by. I feel less desire to identify with them. This brings me a new sense of contentment within the daily surges of experience that come and go. It's like these thoughts and feelings just come, want to be noticed, and then float away or transform into something else. Through observing that all that my mind produces are just stories. It has me interested in questioning and inquiring about all that I know. More and more am I becoming aware of me not knowing anything. I have no clue who I am, I have no clue what reality is, I have no clue what relationships are...Or even what thought and a feeling is. I am very interested in taking a look.

[Daphnedenninghoff23]

Currently, My keystone habits are: 

Daily Meditation
Daily Journaling
Daily Reading ( I started to read "The Book Of Not Knowing"  By Peter Ralston. 
Mindfulness

Edited December 2, 2020 by Daphnedenninghoff23

[Daphnedenninghoff23]

A really big insight I had yesterday through meditation... Is that you never experience anything outside of yourself. Everything you experience is in you. That was such a weird perspective shift...it opened me up to look at my direct experience in a much more open and curious way. What is this weird and amazing reality that I **thought   ** knew so well? 

[Daphnedenninghoff23]

As I mentioned before, I am currently reading "The Book of Not Knowing" By Peter Ralston. 
I am really taking my time to do the contemplative exercises that he mentions in the book. 
I will probably redo these contemplations many times more. It's easy to trick and deceive yourself. 
I have had a few interesting experiences outside of my meditation sessions. I try to practice mindfulness as much as possible when doing my mundane tasks throughout the day. 

Yesterday I was trying to contemplate where awareness is located. Ofcourse, my mind was ready to come up with many "rational" answers. My reality seems to become a bit wobbly... I have moments where the inner and outer world seem to melt. And I have moments where I am again completely unaware and completely emersed in my stories. 

One thing I notice is that I have an immense desire to cleanse myself. To detox my body, mind and soul.

I started with deleting all social media accounts. And I am going to analyze the information intake that I consume daily. 

I remember I have attempted to go on this journey many times before. But I always kind of circled around it. Creating very dramatic stories around  enlightenment and the loss of ego. But now It seems the most sanest thing I am able to do as a human being. 

Sorry if this post is a bit all over the place. 

Baby steps...moving closer and closer to what is here right now. 

[Daphnedenninghoff23]

Yesterday I spend my day cleaning my information intake. For the rest of the month, I will continue detoxing my diet.  I also decided to have a little solo retreat on Thursday (I am free from work). I rarely spend time alone without any distractions, besides when I am meditating for 30 min. 

I feel like I am barely even scratching the surface of this work, and it is already having a huge impact on my life. 

Going into this with the mastery mindset. I am in this for the long run.

[Daphnedenninghoff23]

I don't exist? Reality works perfectly well without me?

Gotta investigate this deeper.....

[Daphnedenninghoff23]

Did 1 hour of contemplation last night. It was very interesting... It's just so mind-shattering to realize everything you know is not true. 
From today on, I am cleaning up my diet, starting with sugar. I don't have an extreme addiction to sugar. But chocolate is a weakness of mine. Going to have to use the month of December to really drive this habit home. I know that cleaning up my diet is going to take time. 

Onward we go on this path... Or rather yet...Inward? Or...ehm...I dunno anymore  

[Daphnedenninghoff23]

I know now that the only way out is through and in.

I had a lot of thoughts about my relationship yesterday.

Lots of it was just my mind worrying, abandonment issues, insecurity, etc. 

I realized afterward that the only option I have left is to pursue enlightenment. I want to become completely and utterly clear with who I am and what reality is. As things are right now, it will be a very conditioned kind of love. 

I also feel a longing for understanding true love.

 

[Daphnedenninghoff23]

Keystone Habits ATM:

Wake up 8 AM

Drink Water

Meditate

Journal

Eat Breakfast

Mindful Eating

Brush Teeth & Wash Face

Daily Reading

Contemplate | 60 min

Exercise

Calculate food | Eat 2200 Calories

 

[Daphnedenninghoff23]

....That moment when you realize this is going to take a shit load of work.

I mean, I was already kind of semi-aware of the difficulty of embarking on this journey. 

But the more I am becoming aware of this web of shit, it just baffles me. The ignorance...and the blind faith in these concepts. Pfff...

I definitely understand why Leo mentioned this is gonna take 10000 hours and a lot of suffering. And that there are so many traps you can fall into.

Nonetheless...I can see that this is worth it. If anything, it seems like the only thing worth doing. 

Everything else just seems like an endless rollercoaster ride. Life at the moment just seems like a big LSD trip...

A overgrown garden, for sure.