I'm Losing Consciousness Again.

[Frogfucius]

I went from meditating 30 minutes/an hour daily to now barely 10 minutes, if that. I've been back in reactionary mode. I'm losing momentum on spiritual gains. I'm starting to judge others again, and let my emotions control me.

To top it off, work is picking up, I'm starting college classes again, and family demands are higher than ever. I just want some fucking peace and alone time, but it's just one action after another. 

I'm slipping back into submission of my mind, where I've been for all my life, and I don't know what to do. I just want it to stop. I want to enjoy the present moment again, and tune all of this mundane shit out. Any advice?

[Dodo]

2 hours ago, Frogfucius said:

I went from meditating 30 minutes/an hour daily to now barely 10 minutes, if that. I've been back in reactionary mode. I'm losing momentum on spiritual gains. I'm starting to judge others again, and let my emotions control me.

To top it off, work is picking up, I'm starting college classes again, and family demands are higher than ever. I just want some fucking peace and alone time, but it's just one action after another. 

I'm slipping back into submission of my mind, where I've been for all my life, and I don't know what to do. I just want it to stop. I want to enjoy the present moment again, and tune all of this mundane shit out. Any advice?

I am feeling the same way, but maybe its how it has to be, to those that are in the rivers still, yet to be joined with the ocean, where we can find peace. I slip up into bad habbits, but it's always nice to remember to not take stuff personally. Even that, that you are back in reaction mode, just acknowledge whatever is happening. If you perceive it as bad - accept it, if it's good - accept it. Be happy even when you are sad. Be calm even behind your reactions, by observing them! It' simple and you already are doing it, but are identified with what you see too much! Just like me!

 

[aurum]

The present moment is always available and nothing is mundane. Relax. You're searching for a sense of control, but things unfold perfectly as they should.

[WelcometoReality]

@Frogfucius This is perfectly normal. It is so easy to be that open space when nothing is demanded of "you". When everything is the way "you" WANT it to BE. Can you be that space when stress is in the body, when you are back into the drama of life? Now the real work begins.

[Kyle007]

The only reason you are suffering right now is because you are identified with your mind plus there is a imbalanced negative energy build up in your body due to your past of being unconsciously lost in your mind. If you notice throughout your waking hours there is a field of awareness that operates at all times even when your mind is having lots of noise. This field of awareness feels like a relaxed focus, this is the present moment it's always there. You said you were meditating witch is great to increase  your awareness. When you meditate next time start relaxing your focus, if a negative thought comes up just let it have it's noise and don't believe it. Sometimes it can feel very discomforted not giving attention to negative thoughts but your unconscious  focus on these thoughts is what fuels them. Ill give you an example of dissolving a negative thought completely, say for instance the thought is I'm going to do bad on this math test and then my parents are gonna be disappointed in me ill never be happy again! So the first step is to notice when you are having a negative thought and relax your focus, bring yourself into the present moment if there is an emotion being generated in your body (like fear in most cases) allow yourself to feel this emotion completely it can feel very awful sometimes but it will eventually die out. The more you do this the more you will start to become into a balance where your not rocked by intense emotions or thoughts. This is your true self.

[Prabhaker]

@FrogfuciusWork meditatively

Consciousness means living with a witness; unconsciousness means living without a witness. Aware of your actions, your body, your mind, your heart. Walking, you should walk with awareness. Moving your hand, you should move with awareness, knowing perfectly that you are moving the hand. You can move it without any consciousness, like a mechanical thing…you are on a morning walk; you can go on walking without being aware of your feet.
Be alert of the movements of your body. While eating, be alert to the movements that are needed for eating. Taking a shower, be alert to the coolness that is coming to you, the water falling on you and the tremendous joy of it ― just be alert. It should not go on happening in an unconscious state.
And the same about your mind. Whatever thought passes on the screen of your mind, just be a watcher. Whatever emotion passes on the screen of your heart, just remain a witness ― don’t get involved, don’t get identified, don’t evaluate what is good, what is bad; that is not part of your meditation.

If you feel that it is not enough to be meditative in all your activities, then it is perfectly good to have some small time just for meditation. But if you feel that you have the same joy, the same silence when you are doing your work meditatively as when you are sitting especially for meditation, then there is no need.
Ultimately, there should be no need. For the beginners I am saying, at your convenience. But finally, your whole life should be nothing but a meditation. Whatever you do should be a meditation. And there should be no separate, particularly structured timetable. That is for the beginners.

[Frogfucius]

Thanks for the wonderful insights, guys. I feel like I'm getting back on course, especially today. I think I realized the root of the problem. The things I held as valuable before: relationships, material things, looks, education, work, etc.. Really don't hold any value. And yet I'm still swamped in, and cling to these things, and I know internally it's fruitless. I'm not depressed, or sad, or angry.. Just kind of empty and I feel distracted. Par for the course though.. The present moment is the only thing that satisfies me.

Edited September 6, 2016 by Frogfucius