Dating and viewing porn

[Danioover9000]

I've done a few dates last month, and I've journaled in detail in a separate book, so I'll summarize here.

   My first date was at a café. Was okay, she was like a 7. Service is good, how we talked is okay, but I had a very bad feeling about this woman, so days later I broke it off with her. I didn't fap to porn prior to first date, so I was good.

   The following week, I had another date, this time through internet dating. It was not as good as the first one, and the same bad feeling came about. I fapped prior to and after the date, and I felt very sick.

   Has anybody experienced this? How do you manage this?

 

[The0Self]

I never noticed any correlation between masturbation/porn and success with dates, personally. Maybe a tiny bit, but it would be what one could consider expected given placebo from all the talk of nofap being so beneficial and all. I rarely look at porn or masturbate, especially when I have a gf (my last gf and I had sex multiple times a day for a year, and I just broke up with her), but I used to a lot more -- hell, I'd masturbate right after I got home from their place, or even right before seeing them, sometimes. I really, really don't think it matters but I could be wrong.

[Raze]

The nofap community commonly reports doing better with women irl when on nofap streaks. It's normal. Just don't watch porn for a while before the date, or better yet aim to cut it out entirely.

[Danioover9000]

@The0Self

29 minutes ago, The0Self said:

I never noticed any correlation between masturbation/porn and success with dates, personally. Maybe a tiny bit, but it would be what one could consider expected given placebo from all the talk of nofap being so beneficial and all. I rarely look at porn or masturbate, especially when I have a gf (my last gf and I had sex multiple times a day for a year, and I just broke up with her), but I used to a lot more -- hell, I'd masturbate right after I got home from their place, or even right before seeing them, sometimes. I really, really don't think it matters but I could be wrong.

   Yeah, maybe placebo effect, but it was a good one. It's just unusual that I felt very ill from watching porn and masturbating to it. Also strange that I had a bad feeling about some of the girls. Any thoughts on these domineering feelings?

[Danioover9000]

@Raze

22 minutes ago, Raze said:

The nofap community commonly reports doing better with women irl when on nofap streaks. It's normal. Just don't watch porn for a while before the date, or better yet aim to cut it out entirely.

   Yes, this confirms my suspicions on fapping to porn. I'll be nofapping for longer for sure. Not so sure about my bad feelings about some of the girls though. How do you handle them if it was you?

[Roy]

53 minutes ago, Danioover9000 said:

Not so sure about my bad feelings about some of the girls though.

What do you mean here, specifically.

[Danioover9000]

@Roy

13 hours ago, Roy said:

What do you mean here, specifically.

   I've felt guilty about dating some of the girls. I don't know, maybe I'm feeling guilty for wasting their time on me, or wasting my time on them. I'm not sure, maybe it's feeling insecure? Because I felt horny during the date? I'm not really sure.

[Raze]

3 hours ago, Danioover9000 said:

@Roy

   I've felt guilty about dating some of the girls. I don't know, maybe I'm feeling guilty for wasting their time on me, or wasting my time on them. I'm not sure, maybe it's feeling insecure? Because I felt horny during the date? I'm not really sure.

It's possible your gut is telling you not to pursue that woman because it's sensing some issues with her. But it sounds more like you have some inner self-hate and shame about your sexuality. 

[Shin]

One reason not to watch porn if you date, is the problem of comparison and arousal.

Porn let you switch partner as much as you want, often with near perfect bodies.

Your brain begins to be accustomed to that and it's harder for you to find a very beautiful women super sexy, you'd just find her sexy or ok, when in fact that girl is one in a thousand.

Even though women says they are fine with you watching porn, they still feel bad if you do, cause in the end it's not much different than fantasming on other women, and this is hard for them, cause they feel like they are not enough for you.

In the end, if she was enough for you, why would you need something else than her ?

And if she is not enough for you, why are you with her in the first place ?

[Danioover9000]

@Shin

32 minutes ago, Shin said:

One reason not to watch porn if you date, is the problem of comparison and arousal.

Porn let you switch partner as much as you want, often with near perfect bodies.

Your brain begins to be accustomed to that and it's harder for you to find a very beautiful women super sexy, you'd just find her sexy or ok, when in fact that girl is one in a thousand.

Even though women says they are fine with you watching porn, they still feel bad if you do, cause in the end it's not much different than fantasming on other women, and this is hard for them, cause they feel like they are not enough for you.

In the end, if she was enough for you, why would you need something else than her ?

And if she is not enough for you, why are you with her in the first place ?

   This is interesting. I've done some self introspection, but there's a point when it felt too dangerous to push, so it might be rooted in some trauma I forgotten in the past. Definitely gonna need a specialist for this.

   I've also caught myself getting a bit greedy with the porn, not even watching the porn vids, but more browsing than watching. Had this happen to you, like in the past, it was far more browsing than watching?

   Also, I've experienced this, and hoping you could relate, but in most cases, I get pains in my balls whenever I pull away from a video. I especially get the pains after a date, when I've been fully erect for several minutes, but a few minutes of a semi-quarter erection, no pain at all. Any tips on this?

[Shin]

6 hours ago, Danioover9000 said:

@Shin

   This is interesting. I've done some self introspection, but there's a point when it felt too dangerous to push, so it might be rooted in some trauma I forgotten in the past. Definitely gonna need a specialist for this.

   I've also caught myself getting a bit greedy with the porn, not even watching the porn vids, but more browsing than watching. Had this happen to you, like in the past, it was far more browsing than watching?

Yes that's the escalating part I've talked about, your mind wants always more, and is satisfied less and less with simple and natural sex.

I'm pretty sure that when women complain about bad sex, there is a direct correlation between bad sex and porn consumption.

You just don't care that much about standard sex and women in general when you use porn, cause you can always get better porn, and you don't have to provide any effort from it.

It's like the mouse in the cage hitting the button to get a shot of heroin, why would you do anything else if you can just press a button ?

   Also, I've experienced this, and hoping you could relate, but in most cases, I get pains in my balls whenever I pull away from a video. I especially get the pains after a date, when I've been fully erect for several minutes, but a few minutes of a semi-quarter erection, no pain at all. Any tips on this?

I never had that problem, you might want to see a doctor ?

 

[tsuki]

To add to other replies, porn is specifically constructed to cater to masculine fantasy. Pornstars are actresses that act this fantasy out. 

It is not wrong in of itself, but if young men get their hands on porn before they have sexual experiences, then they unconsciously construct what sex is supposed to be like. It is not supposed to be anything. It is simply two partners doing what the other needs. This is severely crooked in masculine fantasy, where she is doing what he wants, while he is just enjoying himself. No value can be extracted from watching porn, other than temporary relief from sexual impulse.

I suspect that this is why there is a positive correlation between no-fap and success with women.

Edited November 10, 2020 by tsuki

[Shin]

48 minutes ago, tsuki said:

To add to other replies, porn is specifically constructed to cater to masculine fantasy. Pornstars are actresses that act this fantasy out. 

It is not wrong in of itself, but if young men get their hands on porn before they have sexual experiences, then they unconsciously construct what sex is supposed to be like. It is not supposed to be anything. It is simply two partners doing what the other needs. This is severely crooked in masculine fantasy, where she is doing what he wants, while he is just enjoying himself. No value can be extracted from watching porn, other than temporary relief from sexual impulse.

I suspect that this is why there is a positive correlation between no-fap and success with women.

Yes it is NOT good or bad in and out of itself, except if you're ideological (cause there is huge abuses/coercion towards women in the porn industry).

That being said, it IS better than nothing, cause in certain cases, porn can help an unbalanced dude to not rape women (which is debatable since there is abuse in the porn industry, but still).

Most of the time though, there is no real benefices to watch porn, and only downsides if it's an habit (especially daily habit).

[The0Self]

The only way I conceive of it being a problem is if you have difficulty getting aroused. Try for women that you behold as "attractive as fuck" if that's the case, perhaps.