Narcissistic Abusive Personalities

[Preety_India]

I think growth is a sort of a crystallization process in which we go through many things in our psyche that gradually begin to shift with greater awareness and mirror experiences. 

These mirror experiences show us our strengths, weaknesses, flaws and shadows. 

We learn from these experiences and this process continues until we crystallize into something more specific and ideal. Not perfect but at least optimal. 

I also have this fish model for spiral dynamics. 

 

[Preety_India]

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

Narcissists are losers. Thin skinned losers. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

Do you now realize how much importance you gave to the narcissist and how he used that to abuse you. 

He kept eroding you little by little everyday. 

Remember narcissists never give, only take. 

The best is to outrightly ghost and reject them for good. 

 

[Preety_India]

I'm thinking about energetic signatures and how a person shows them, how to know someone's true energetic signatures and if their energetic signatures change with different people they interact with. 

 

[Preety_India]

 

Energetic signatures 

We come into this world as energy beings with unique energy signatures.

The energetic signature of a substance is its quintessence, its purest distillation. 

 

 

 

 

You move from darkness to light. 

 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

Narcissist mind games 

One game is bait and switch. 

Narcissists are good at sale. They market themselves as the best guys. 

I'll be discussing  ' narcissist love bombing' later in this journal. 

So initially a narcissist will do a lot of luring and baiting of the victim. 

Joseph love bombed me throughout late 2017 when I met him. Initially I wasn't taking him seriously. I even decided to not be with him after which he told him that I'm making a big mistake by giving up on him and that I will never find a man who will love me as much he did. 

He was constantly guilting me for not accepting him. 

I relented at last. I wasn't mentally prepared for a relationship at the time because just a few months ago I had broken up with Mr Bud. I hadn't healed from the breakup and Joseph was pressuring me too much. 

Joseph kept love bombing me very hard in those months and this was the first white man in my life. I had no experience of white men whatsoever before Joseph. I had a fairly positive picture of white men in my mind. I always considered them gracious, kind, mannerly and respectful.. 

(Today my perspective on men is drastically different. I no longer think that the behavior of a man or men has anything to do with race 

To think that all white men are great is a fallacy. It doesn't work like that. Abuse can happen anywhere by any men of any race. Race has nothing to do with it. I understand that certain cultures are a little more sexist than others but giving respect to a woman is an individual choice. It depends on how the man was raised in his family and how he developed his worldview of women and ethics.) 

 

So I decided to submit to Joseph. Also Joseph was incredibly handsome, tall, charming, sexy and very expressive, confident. Who wouldn't like such a guy? 

He was giving me exclusive attention. I felt very wanted for the first time in my life. Never been made to feel like that before. 

He made me feel at ease and very pleasant. 

I remember talking to him for 6 hours on the phone. I never talked to someone for even 1 hour in my life, so talking to him for 6 hours felt really unreal and amazing. 

I was falling in love fast and furious. 

I started dreaming about Joseph. We would meet and everyday felt like heaven. This continued until the first week of January. 

And then..... The love Bombing suddenly stopped. 

I remember one day in the middle of January, Joseph suddenly got pissed off, really mad. It felt strange, weird, for a split second I felt like I was talking to a different person. He had anger in his eyes, his words were incredibly mean. I instantly felt weird and awful. 

 

This a mind game that narcissists play. It's a bait and switch game. 

What does this mean? 

Narcissists first love bomb you into believing that you have hit the jackpot. 

They go slow, hiding their true selves. 

As time goes by, they suddenly switch to a very abusive mode 

 They expect that you accept them in this role or mode. They act like it's just a phase and convince you that they are not like that at all. This is just temporary. 

This is a clever marketing strategy. They allow a few weeks upto a minimum of 3 months where they love bomb you to the point that you begin to trust them implicitly. 

Once they realize that you're bonded to them, they switch. The bait phase is over. Now they will start abusing you. And they will expect as usual that you should put up with their abuse. 

It's difficult to understand what's going on because you're completely confused as a victim. The change is very sudden and swift with no time left to ask them questions. 

Narcissists have a way of shutting down enquiry. 

They will say statements like

"you're asking stupid questions" 

"don't ask that again"

"never ask me like that"

"it's my life" 

"I'm busy. I have no time for your stupid questions." 

"I don't know and I don't care" 

They will say and do everything in their power to make you feel ashamed for asking them anything.. Every question is wrong. 

You will be gaslighted for any protest against their behavior 

Your expectation as a normal individual will be that this person will sit down with you, give you attention and time, resolve your doubts and concerns, make you feel assured, let you have a good night's sleep, leave you feeling comforted and address your grievances and never repeat behaviors that are hurtful to you. 

But no...... Narcissists won't do that at all. They will simply stop all discussions, walk out when confronted, give you threats that they will leave the relationship if you keep persisting. Gaslight you for asking even basic questions. Insult you if you are demanding an answer. Ridicule, shame and guilt you. 

Make it look like your questioning is causing them harm.. 

One thing that narcissists hate about a victim is intelligence. 

I used to ask Joseph a lot of questions on his behavior. I was quick and smart. But emotional. Yet I hadn't lost my Brain cells 

Yet Joseph would always insult my intelligence at every opportunity he would get. 

His usual answers to any question were 

"You're insane. "

If I asked him about his divorce 

If I asked him about his drug addiction 

"You're insane. "

If I asked him about why he had a jail record and what was he hiding from me 

 

"You're insane. "

I began to question my sanity. I felt like I was doing something really wrong. I stopped asking him. I began to guilt myself really hard. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

So I'm watching this RG video and some of it makes a lot of sense. 

 

[Preety_India]

 

 

 

 

 

 

The psychoanalysis of Lazarus 

 

[Preety_India]

I don't know if narcissists become more and more shameless over time. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited November 20, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

 

 

 

 

• People who love you don't hurt you and people who hurt you don't love you. Confusion between love and hurtful behavior 
• . It doesn't matter if they are actually narcissists. No need to figure out. Emotional abuse is emotional abuse 
• . Narcissists don't actually love. They are Incapable of loving either you or anyone 
• You cannot love them better. You just can't please them. You can't love them enough or love them the right way. No amount of love is enough in a black hole. 
• . It's important to work on oneself rather than trying to help them. Your locus of control is always on them. You lose your internal locus of control. You always keep your focus on them. It's all about them all the time. Bring back the focus on you. 
•  It's not love but trauma bonding that is keeping you in the relationship with the narcissist. There is no loyalty. They only want a supply. They don't care about you. You might think it's love but it's only a supply for them. They have created feelings by manipulating and Gaslighting you. They are not authentically inspired, but manipulated into you. 
•  Actions speak louder than words. Look at the actions of the narcissist rather than their words. 
• Your childhood experiences have made you feel like abuse is a part of love. (my mom interspersed love with abuse making it difficult for me to separate the two.) 
•  

[Preety_India]

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

 

[Preety_India]

Understanding that narcissists aren't evil but they are what they are. 

This is their psychological condition that inevitably ends up being hurtful to others. 

Also having a keen sense of recognition of Narcissists, Sociopaths, Psychopaths, Toxic Bipolars. 

You can have a Narcissistic Psychopath which is a very dangerous condition. 

You can have a Narcissistic Sociopath. 

But I like to categorize these people in different ways. 

Sociopathic Narcissist. 

Psychopathic Narcissist

Bipolar Narcissist. 

Bipolar Psychopathic Narcissist

Bipolar Sociopathic Psychopathic Narcissist. This I will call BSPN. 

These are generally the worst kind because they are so interested in hurting the other person in a relationship. 

They have a pleasure seeking neuronal pattern that is linked to seeking pleasure out of others hurt or misery, it's a case of sadistic tendency. 

Their bipolar condition acts like a safety guard because they forget the things they have done and continue as though nothing happened. 

Psychopathic component allows them to carefully plan how to target a potential victim. 

 

[Preety_India]

One thing that you need to know is that statistics are very important. 

Even if you did encounter a narcissist and ended up being victimized understand that there are many many people out there who won't show such tendencies in their behaviors so don't be discouraged. 

Also remember that every relationship that you have is not going to be with a narcissist especially as you learn to screen them really well and cast them aside. Learn it from the start to keep narcissists out for good. 

There will be many early detection signs that will tell you that someone is a narcissist. Usually they have some clues somewhere. Have a keen sense of observation to keep filtering them out as much as you can. 

Now let's say you have 10 relationships. At least one will work out. Yes it's a lot of hard work but statistically at least one relationship will be workable. So use statistics in your life. 

Of course it's a ton of hard work. 

But use a thumb rule and that is, screen at least 30 people and cast them aside before you select one person as good and decent. This is the criteria. Don't call a person "good" right away. Carry a list of criteria that they need to fulfill before they can be called good. Don't be too easy. Be serious and harsh with screening. Your chances are directly proportional to how hard you screen people in your life. 

 

[Preety_India]

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

Insecurity is a very good defense mechanism. 

When you have deep insecurity you don't allow a person to hurt you. You dump the person before they can hurt you and not after. 

[Natasha]

@Preety_India Dr Ramani is one of my faves on the subject. This was released today, something to look out for. 

 

[Preety_India]

@Natasha thanks girl. I have already watched a lot of her videos on the topic. Very informative. Will be adding her videos once I'm done with watching Grannon videos 

 

[Preety_India]

One thing that I observed about narcissists is that they have enormous confidence and that appears very attractive. 

This got me thinking of Charles Manson who was an absolute narcissist in my eyes, classic case. No idea if he is still alive or dead. Young women used to hover around him like butterflies. He was a chick magnet. But look at the guy, such a small frame with a beard that almost covered his face, scrawny little dude with the little man syndrome but dude managed to get all the chicks because he was such a narcissistic messiah, he could have such charisma. 

Narcissists can hold people in such a grip. They want all of your undivided attention.