Narcissistic Abusive Personalities

[Preety_India]

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

1 minute ago, Preety_India said:

Punish him. 

I'm asking myself, why? 

 

The answer is, you have to. Because you need to have boundaries. It shouldn't be "anything goes", if you really wanna prove then go all the way and be done. Leave no loose ends 

You have to walk away. You have to be smart and dynamic. A no means a no 

You can't rise from your victimhood by forgiveness. You can only leave the state of victim through punishment. 

A punishment is a closure. 

A fairness. 

A move of power, a gesture of strength. 

You move yourself higher by punishing rather than forgiving. Forgiving is feminine and weak. Punishment is masculine and strong. It's a statement that says "I don't take shit" "things will have consequences" 

Because don't you think that "things should have consequences" 

Forgive those that ask for forgiveness. Not those who try to change the narrative to escape remorse. 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

Did I do the right thing by blocking Joseph? 

Yes. 

I felt like I was punishing him. But that's necessary. 

Because it's a strong message that says that I pull the power towards me. 

It's important to draw a line. Being too paranoid to punish someone is a schizophrenic behavior. 

Forgiving often is portrayed as kind and strong. 

Yes. But only when the other person has done things without intent, shows a genuine desire to patch up, and shows readiness to do better next time, then forgiving is a show of mercy and love. 

But forgiving a Devil? 

The devil will do it again. 

You'll end up looking cheap for forgiving too much. 

Don't let your self power be drained. It gives people more chances to exploit and do wrong things to you once again. 

And now there is a vital component. 

 

[Preety_India]

That vital component is that a narcissist will never appreciate your forgiveness. 

You will instantly regret forgiving him no matter how much persuasion and passion he invoked in you to forgive him. 

After being forgiven, he might even act like forgiveness was not necessary and he had to feel sorry over  nothing. 

It's a slap in the face. 

It's a total narcissistic bitch move. A slap and they love this, it makes them feel smart to have outdone the other person and manged to manipulate them once again. 

 

 

Why don't you just have these dreams? 

 

I'll be discussing three kinds of people here who have a lot in common and nuanced differences with regard to intention, image and purpose. These people are - narcissists, psychopaths and master manipulators. 

All three seek to destroy life and living because they are like parasites corroding a healthy host. 

[Preety_India]

 

One way to piss off a narcissist is to completely ignore them and their judgemental chatter. 

Completely ignore.. Pisses them off big time. Make them feel like they dont matter. 

When narcissist tells you to do something, do the exact opposite. This is counter intuitive behavior and is extremely important while dealing with a narcissist. 

Like for example my narcissist abuser ex boyfriend Joseph is constantly persuading me to talk to him since the last 4 days. 

He has been telling me to leave my current boyfriend and get back with him, which I'm not going to do. 

So I have blocked him. 

He wanted me to talk to him. But I ghosted him and blocked him. 

See??? 

Counter intuitive behavior. 

Normally I would have fallen for his bullshit "sorrys"...... 

But not this time.. This time I straight up did the exact opposite. 

It's kinda amusing to do the opposite of what a narcissist tells you to do. 

It's almost like trying to deflate or detonate a bomb. You simply remove their power by releasing the valve.

 

[Megan Alecia]

I think a narcissist is a complete idiot in life, unable to appreciate things, unable to accept himself nor others. Like, among the great (?) lowpoints of life. Besides actual crime and murder. Even these people can cause suicides. 

Edited November 10, 2020 by Megan Alecia

[Preety_India]

Narcissists always create a conditional, transactional and combative toxic environment. 

To them its creating a secure environment. 

To their control freak selves, it's a great solution. 

In truth, they are so out of touch with reality. 

 

• Combative 
• Transactional
• Conditional
• Toxic 
• Controlled microscopically 
•  

Edited November 15, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

If you are being controlled microscopically, then please further study this controlling person for signs of narcissism. 

This applies in situations of employment and relationships. 

 

[Preety_India]

A reminder to myself 

An abusive man is a burden and not a gift. 

Abuse (especially emotional abuse) always works in very covert ways. It takes a lot of time to recognize, unravel and dismantle it 

A lot of people blame and shame the victim of narcissistic abuse 

When I became free from Joseph(a typical narcissist abusive boyfriend, now an ex) and told my my friends about it, the first thing they did was blame me for it. Their main question was "why did you stay with an abuser?" 

The nuances around this question are so delicate that it's very tough to answer such questions. 

I did not stay with Joseph because he was an abuser.. It would be foolish to assume that a woman likes to stay with either an asshole or an abuser. Often times the woman is simply unaware that it is abuse. It took me some time in the relationship to realize that things weren't okay. 

Even when I was aware in October 2018 that I was in a narcissist abusive relationship, that's when I came across a Muslim woman named Shahida Arabi's article on narcissistic abuse. And I became aware that all the signs matched my relationship with Joseph to a T. 

However I was too exhausted and coping with depression at the time. I stopped talking and meeting with Joseph for at least a week or 2. But he kinda manipulated me into believing that everything was going to be okay and I had nothing to worry. 

So I gradually forgot that article. I wished I hadn't. I was too much in love to keep holding a resentment against Joseph. I had to let go and believe his words 

 

Remember abuse is never your fault. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited November 15, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Understanding a narcissist. 

Mary Trump gives a very good picture of Trump, a typical case study for a narcissist. 

 

Narcissists always want a transactional relationship. She hit the nail right on the head. 

 

[Preety_India]

 

 

I find Dr Grande really very useful. 

 

[Preety_India]

 

Very good video on narcissist signs. 

 

One important sign discussed in this video is about how a narcissist never says sorry and never accepts or acknowledges that they did something wrong. It is always someone else's fault 

. For example Joseph used to never apologize if he said something bad or did something wrong. 

I was always to be blamed for anything that happened 

If he forgot to carry his wallet it was my fault. 

If he dropped the cigarette lighter, it was my fault. 

He would lash out at me in extreme rage even when I was sitting silent. 

 

 

 

Edited November 15, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

 

 

Points to consider 

• They are manipulative 
• . They have a real high need to be in control 
• . They are not empathetic people 
• They are exploitative 
• . They are entitled 
• . They really a little too highly of themselves. 
• . They are thin skinned. 
•  They have to be superior. 
•  

A ground zero ingredient 

•  They refuse to take responsibility for personal and relational difficulties 

Joseph never took responsibility for his divorce from his ex wife. She divorced him because he was violent to her. But he always told me how it was her fault and that she had been exaggerating. 

 

• Narcissists don't do soul searching. 
•  

 

Continued. 

• They blame shift 
• . Normal folks try to control things from the inside out. In other words you know that certain things need self restraint. You want to have a sense of knowledge, awareness and wisdom that you operate with. That's called an internal locus of control. Whereas narcissists try to seek control of things from the outside in. They might say things like "you need to do this, you need to do that, you need to do it this way" "I want you to act correctly. I want you to do this. I want this to be different. And if this hadn't happened then I would be okay., but if this happens I'll be alright." notice how they go heavy into that bossy or hyper critical, or forceful or demanding kind of way because they don't have an internal locus of control. 
• . Narcissists are Incapable of self reflection. 
• . Narcissists are never honest about themselves. 
• . 
• . "you need to be accountable, not me though." narcissists hold others very much accountable but not themselves. 
• . Narcissists hide anger, Insecurity or defensive, they hide these feelings as inner resentment. 
• . Narcissists have rules and regulations. There are certain things that you are supposed to do or supposed to say certain ways to make sure that they don't get pissed off. They need to be handled with kid gloves and you're constantly made to feel on edge because they are going to be offended even when there was no cause of offense. 

I experienced this personally with Joseph. There was always a way to talk to him. If I was silent he didn't like it. If I said I was busy, he didn't like it. If I even slightly mentioned that he forgot his medication or if he might forget certain things, he would be mightily pissed off. In this regard there was a peculiar situation between me and Joseph. And that was this very strange situation in which I was neither supposed to say yes or no. It's like everything was a problem. I don't know what to call it. 

A very simple example of this was as follows. 

Joseph would complain to me about his family and how his family had ditched him. 

I would give him assurance and try to be emotionally supportive by saying "yes I understand that your family doesn't support you. It's bad that they do this and I know it sucks." 

In saying this I would try to support his statement in order to provide him comfort. 

His response would be like 

"Oh, you're too negative. I don't want to deal with this shit. Just go away. Fuck this. Why are you blaming my family. You're such a bitch." 

I'd feel very hurt by his response. Next time I would remember not to respond the same way. I would try to respond a different way. Like 

" hey I don't want to blame your family. "

His response would be 

" so you wanna blame me "

And I would say " no please, I didn't mean that. "

His response would be 

"get lost bitch." 

Next time around if he complained about his family, I would just stay silent and not say to avoid his anger. 

And then his response would be 

"why don't you say something you dumb bitch?" 

I finally figured there was just no way to please or impress him. It's like whatever I say, he would respond in an abusive way. There was no way of knowing what I had to say that would make him feel better. 

It was always, damned if you do,damned if you don't.. 

This is a peculiar situation with narcissists where they degrade no matter what, they use everything against you, every word you say, every thing about you is weaponized and used to abuse you to keep making you feel worthless and make you feel small or beneath them, that's why nothing will really impress them since they don't wanna be impressed. They just want to use everything to make you feel the worst about yourself. 

 

• . As Dr Les Carter pointed out, one thing that I remember very distinctly from my relationship with Joseph was these words said by Carter in the video, "you better not say"... I always carried this fearful sentiment at the back of my mind where it was always "I better not say, who knows he might get offended." it had reached such a point that the fear was almost palpable in me. I always reminded myself what to say and what not to say. It was like dealing with a big boss and might I say even the smallest thing about mundane stuff, it would attract intense scrutiny and ire from him. After about 6 months into the relationship, I literally began to feel like I was walking on eggshells. One mistake or something that he didn't like would send him into a tirade. There was just nothing that would make him feel better. There was always something to strongly criticize me for and hold me as a criminal.. It reached a point where even saying a word to him or asking a question felt like a crime. 

I would call this the catch 22 problem with narcissists where you try and try to please them but whatever you do, everything fails no matter what. You keep struggling to please and they keep putting you in a tight spot where you feel trapped and they make you feel guilty whether you do what they want or not. 

You're guilty either way and you are damned if you do what they say and damned if you don't do. Both ways you are wrong. You are always wrong no matter what. 

I call this typical sign or situation the catch 22 narcissist problem. 

It's very well explained in this video where they call it the double bind narcissistic mind game. 

• .. 
•  

In my relationship with Joseph I diagnosed him with three distinct problems that were plaguing our relationship 

Narcissistic personality disorder 

Bipolar rage and Bipolar disorder 

Abusive Personality disorder /abusive personality (sadistic traits combined with jealousy) 

 

 

Edited November 15, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

 

 

Self proclaimed narcissist Sam Vaknin. 

Edited November 15, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

I was raised by a narcissistic mother and a passive loving victim dad. 

And the other narcissists in my life were my siblings and 2 ex boyfriends Mr Bud and Joseph. 

Sam Vaknin says that narcissists can't make a distinction between reality and fantasy. I really want this theory to be tested. 

Joseph used to fantasize sometimes. 

I'm not sure, maybe Sam Vaknin, himself being a narcissist knows better. 

 

[Preety_India]

I've made it an important life goal that I'll never attract narcissists again in my life ever. 

No more narcissists in my life. 

I love watching Sam Vaknin. He has some interesting perspectives 

[Preety_India]

I'm also trying to focus on the role of psyche and consciousness. 

• Psyche 
• Consciousness 
• Dangerous mindsets 
• Growth oriented mindsets

. 

Edited November 15, 2020 by Preety_India