What If Your Partner Is Depressed/destructive/toxic?

[Daphne]

(grammar and spelling can be wrong)

I have a relationship with him for almost 7 years now. I grew up very destructive and kinda depressed. Nowadays I feel much better and I want to focus on making my life not as destructive as before. Allthough my partner still is. He smokes weed almost every day and every friday we get drunk with friends. I really want to stop it because it makes no sence and I feel like I'm getting dumber by the week. The problem is is that I still love him. I dont want to break away from him. I know I would hurt him so bad. And I also want to be and grow with him. We broke up a few times but always got back together, we have the same friends, same lives... But I feel like I kinda grow out of it and this relationship is getting somewhat toxic for me.

Have you ever been in a situation like this? What did you do?

[Tiger]

UI sugest you to just be clear with him and tell him everything that you want him to change and set boundaries and be really serious about it if he start breaking those boundaries just cut him out.Or else you will end up like him and you wont be able ti grow.I know how you feel but when 2 have learned everything about each other its time for both of them to move on in order for both of them to start growing again...

+check out Leo's video about toxic relationships

[Elena]

Tiger in my experience noone ever changes just because someone told them to. Especially if she puts it like "if you dont change I am leaving". Even if he does change he will resent her for not giving him unconditional love in the long run. I was in such a rut once and what I did was -  I focused on myself. I tried to get my own shit together before changing him or the relationship. If you start going where you want to go (for example working out, stopping a habbit becoming better) without rubbing his nose in it he will either follow you down the road you are taking or the relationship will fall appart. 

[counterdependent]

Depressed/destructive/toxic people inevitably cause depressed/destructive/toxic relationships. It's up to you whether you stay in that relationship or leave it. 

[100rockets]

I think what Elena said was smart. Focus on yourself, hopefully he will see the change and follow you. Ask yourself if you have to cut everything you normally do with him completely. For example If you get drunk with friends every friday maybe you can keep doing that but you dont have to drink with them! You can also ask him if he'd go with you to dinner one friday instead but when he wants to hang out with friends then go with him, do your thing - dont drink and allow him to be himself as well. Be patient and see if he's picking up on anything. If he doesn't maybe you should talk and tell him how you feel, see if he can work with you in some areas. If all fails at the end you will have to make a choice but for a 7 year relationship maybe some patience is worth it, at least to know that you tried.

[Argue]

"You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with."

- Jim Rohn 

You need to change your lifestyle...

Edited February 28, 2016 by Argue