Huge Doubts

[123456789]

I've been meditating for a month ( Zazen ) and I am starting to have massive doubts. I don't have a teacher, and there's no teacher even close to where I live. I am really afraid that all that time I spent meditating was for nothing, that I did something wrong. I am currently practicing the breath counting method. I am not sure what to do, if any experienced practitioners could give me some advice I'd appreciate that. 

[Ayla]

Have you been able to find the one meditating in your meditations? 

[123456789]

@Ayla Sorry but what do you mean by the one ? my authentic self?

[Ayla]

@mr lenny

is there a self that is authentic and one that isnt?

no need to complicate things. Is there a person there having a brain and doing meditation? 

[theinevitableandi]

when you meditate what happens? Do you get anxious ? does it relax you? What are you trying to achieve while meditating? 

 

When i meditate i close my eyes and listen. LIsten attentively , and do not take judgements serious. Just be listening, you will be hearing the noises in the room you are in along with the silence in contrast to the noise. You will also be hearing thoughts. You will notice that they will distract you from being in the present moment and drag you with a story about w/e the thoughts say . Your job is to listen/observe try not to judge or take it serious if you do ... you will see how you resist being there you will try to run away from yourself ,what is this resistance? ask yourself contemplate that

[theinevitableandi]

13 hours ago, Ayla said:

Have you been able to find the one meditating in your meditations? 

shes asking about how to meditate not for some bull shit guru answer.  It seems like she either doesn't know about self inquiry or doesn't get how to use  self-inquiry.  maybe you can teach her how to meditate or how to do self inquiry since you're all so KNOWLEDGEABLE in knowing using self inquiry to answer her . Seems like you cannot discern when someone is really confused

When she asked 
>>>>"@Ayla Sorry but what do you mean by the one ? my authentic self?"    ( this kinda tells you she doesn't know what you are talking about using self inquiry) anyways.... 

you are not helping youself with giving mr lenny that answer .  I like to criticize myself sometimes hahaha!

[Neo]

You are so harsh with each other, just remember everyone tries to help in their own way.

[Ayla]

@theinevitableandi  it seems that this here likes to kill the root swiftly lately... Not get entangled in the branches.

I find that the more information is taken, the heavier it all seems. 

It's quite simple but yet so complicated.

I like to criticize myself sometimes also. But I'm harmless lol.

my point is, can you find someone who is doing the meditation? Is that a person? What besides a thought says so? If it isn't a person, what is it? And how is the meditator different from the meditation itself? Can you find something separating them? Another thought maybe? 

 

 

[Ayla]

@Neo

we are not harsh. There is no "we".

[Neo]

Quote

we are not harsh. There is no "we".

There is on my level. I'm just a beginner still. You're saying the universe reacted to you, not some individual. I understand. I have not experienced yet.

[Ayla]

@Neo  you are NEVER not what you already are. But I understand what you are saying. 

There is no universe that is outside of me. Nothing outside what you know. And what you know, is you. 

And when I say know, I don't imply mind knowledge. Mind (besides the fact that it doesn't exist) has no knowledge, only thoughts completely unaware of themselves. What I mean by knowledge, is your actual experience of what IS. Look if they are separate from each other

• Seeing - seein
• hearing - sound
• touching - touched
• tasting - taste
• smelling - smell
• thought-ing - thought

[Neo]

@Ayla Can you apply everything you understand about existence to a post on a forum or even any situation in everyday life. You still go and buy a loaf of bread even though it only exists in your mind yes? Maybe OI start another thread about my situation which is the opposite of the original poster, me, not so much meditation but hair standing on end to all this knowledge and some weird experiences, but you guys - all this knowledge is zero.

[Ayla]

Neither Ayla or Neo or any other names do anything at all. Nobody is doing anything!!

experience just IS! And all there is, is experience. No separation, no doing, no dreaming, no resisting. Those are all just concepts. Labels. 

Observe very very carefully your actual experience and see if you are a person buying bread 

[Neo]

I'm just blown away.

[Ayla]

@Neo Good!

only, you are never blown away. You are just aware of a thought form that says that there is a person being blown away. 

You lack no awareness at all of anything that is happening. You are always positively the awareness "of" the awared. 

[Dodo]

1 hour ago, Ayla said:

@Neo Good!

only, you are never blown away. You are just aware of a thought form that says that there is a person being blown away. 

You lack no awareness at all of anything that is happening. You are always positively the awareness "of" the awared. 

Well i can kindly disagree. Im all into the concept that the self is an illusion, but the actual machine/ ship/ body and mind -form do exist even if the I is a mere illusion generated by them. In a way that makes the I exist,oh well, i change my mind again. I do exist!

[Dodo]

What makes my I am different than your I am? Is my I am a thought? I thought I am is all there is! Why is my I am always attached to this body. Why cant I experience what you experience, if I am was God... It would be able to do it... 

Maybe i shouldn't think about it as my experience being important. The universe just poofed this into existence and everything just needs to be itself. No souls, no gods, but still infinite, because of the simple fact that there is no end, ever,so something or someone will keep generating a me in some shape or form. And i will exist again and again. Being part of the infinite ocean. Oh yeah, pls kill me now. Refresh me

Edited September 2, 2016 by Dodoster

[Neo]

Quote

What makes my I am different than your I am?

How deep does the rabbit hole go:?

[Ayla]

@Dodoster

what is your actual experience of any other "I am"?

let's say - what is your experience of Ayla?

if you will give no attention to the thoughts about any Ayla at all, you will see that your experience of ayla are what we could label some black spots on white creen and one picture. You only know what you know of Ayla. Ayla has no other reality to her than that that you are seeing. 

And this is LITERAL ! Not some kind of a whoowoo! 

Thoughts will come to tell you a million things. But see them as if you saw a million colors or heard a million sounds. They have no meaning whatsoever!!!

do the same thing with thoughts about Dodoster. How is that construct real? Is it even? 

You are aware of him so it cannot be you. In the same way as an icecream cannot taste icecream, yes? It IS the icecream and it knows it is. 

Oh boy... You have enough info on this post to looooooooook! 

 

 

[Ayla]

@Neo what rabbit? What hole? Where would it go?