Please Advice on My Kids Playing Fortnite

[Hsinav]

Hi, i,m in a position were my oldest son who's 8 want to play Fortnite and I´m not sure how to handle it. A lot of his friends play it and a lot of parents that I get along with pretty well thinks it´s fine. One of my friend that I consider amoung the most conscious says definitely no to her kids at same age. I understand the thrill and fun of the game but I don't like the idea of shooting people and the "last man standing" and war mentality of the game. If I allow this game I´m sure it's gonna get real hard to keep it away from my younger son who's only 6.

Please advice!

[vibv]

Here in Germany Fortnite is approved for ages 12 and above. So it is perfectly reasonable to not allow it. Your arguments sound also plausible.

You are the parent and your son is still a minor. So you decide! If you think it's not okay, then you have the final say in this matter.

[Hsinav]

2 minutes ago, vibv said:

So you decide! If you think it's not okay, then you have the final say in this matter.

Of course, the problem is that he will get excluded in a lot of his social life, I don't want that to happen because I like most of his friends and the parents and they effect him good, most of the time. His friends gather and play a couple of times a week and Fortnite is all they want to play now

[Parththakkar12]

@Hsinav I haven't played video-games in my childhood because I wasn't allowed to, or very strongly discouraged from doing so. It is an unfulfilled desire of mine. I have a feeling that I will have a midlife crisis one day because of this!

I understand their reasons for stopping me and I don't particularly regret not having played video-games. It's not a serious thing for me and I'm not in a hurry to go for it, I have bigger priorities. Even though I wasn't allowed, I still could have found a way to play them but I didn't, cuz I had bigger priorities.

If it doesn't overtly hurt your son to do it, like if it doesn't seriously hurt his grades or something, I'd suggest you let him play video-games. If his dad or some male authority figure teaches him some discipline and work-ethic and holds him accountable for studying, having some fun here and there should be fine!

[Hsinav]

2 minutes ago, Parththakkar12 said:

@Hsinav I haven't played video-games in my childhood because I wasn't allowed to, or very strongly discouraged from doing so. It is an unfulfilled desire of mine. I have a feeling that I will have a midlife crisis one day because of this!

I understand their reasons for stopping me and I don't particularly regret not having played video-games. It's not a serious thing for me and I'm not in a hurry to go for it, I have bigger priorities. Even though I wasn't allowed, I still could have found a way to play them but I didn't, cuz I had bigger priorities.

If it doesn't overtly hurt your son to do it, like if it doesn't seriously hurt his grades or something, I'd suggest you let him play video-games. If his dad or some male authority figure teaches him some discipline and work-ethic and holds him accountable for studying, having some fun here and there should be fine!

Thanks for sharing, agree!! But where to draw the line when the game gets too violent!? There are a lot of really bad games out there created from a very low level of consciousness. For example, you can't apply this on video-games where you suppose to rape people, or can you!?

[Rilles]

Its part of his development, dont worry, Ive played alot of shooters and Im a pacifist. Let him virtually experiment Stage Red/Blue  

[Parththakkar12]

10 minutes ago, Hsinav said:

Thanks for sharing, agree!! But where to draw the line when the game gets too violent!? There are a lot of really bad games out there created from a very low level of consciousness. For example, you can't apply this on video-games where you suppose to rape people, or can you!?

This is not a problem of the game per se, or getting conditioned by violent media. This is a problem of your son gravitating towards violent media if he does.

Generally, when a male (child or adult) gets really identified with a violent character in a video-game, it means that he doesn't feel empowered in his life to create what he wants. This can come up in revenge-fantasies, desire to be violent, being a bully at school, etc. This could be a response to getting bullied at school. It's very normal for boys.

If you'd like to do something about it, you can have his father coach him to be more empowered in his life. (I'm assuming you're his mother) If the problem is bullying, he can teach his son to fight, or get someone who knows to fight to teach him to fight so that he can fight bullies at school. This will help him feel more empowered in his life in general and he won't gravitate towards violent media that offer fantasies where you're empowered and violent.

[Hatfort]

If you allow him, set some rules, like always homework first or time limits. You can be flexible sometimes. Outdoor activities and interactions should be encouraged as well.

Also, check how it affects him, any positive result, as his social life is richer, or negative, like being more aggressive or addiction patterns. Based on that, you act. And be part of it, ask him about his avatar or character, how he feels when he plays, how his game went, who is he playing with. Check yourself how the videogame is, observe him playing and ask him, what's this, what's that, who's that, what a nice creature, what an ugly creature, whatever.

Edited November 6, 2020 by Hatfort

[PurpleTree]

10 minutes ago, Parththakkar12 said:

or get someone who knows to fight to teach him to fight so that he can fight bullies at school. This will help him feel more empowered in his life in general and he won't gravitate towards violent media that offer fantasies where you're empowered and violent.

Thats sounds like pretty solid advice, send him to karate class or something like that.

[vibv]

I can understand your argument about social exclusion.

You could allow it and observe if it does effect him in any negative way. Anyway, 8 is still really young.

If he wants to do it so much, it could also be argued that he will do it anyway - be it when he is with his friends or in secret. So maybe the best path forward here would be an honest talk with him about your own concerns, while also listening to his side, where you could also assert your stance.

I don't think a blank "ban" without reason and without his understanding of it is going to achieve much, if he is really determined to do it.

[Onecirrus]

@Hsinav  Let your son play fortnite, it's just a game for gods sake!

Now delete this thread because it has nothing to do society or politics!

[vibv]

1 minute ago, Onecirrus said:

Now delete this thread because it has nothing to do society or politics!

Of course it does. Isn't this a political issue, carried out in a domestic context? Also depending on the effect of his decision, it could also be a societal one

[Hsinav]

10 minutes ago, Rilles said:

Its part of his development, dont worry, Ive played alot of shooters and Im a pacifist. Let him virtually experiment Stage Red/Blue  

@Rilles Thanks, yes I let him experiment a lot, but drawing lines is the difficult thing and still crucial for good parenting I think.

[Hansu]

If it helps, Fortnite is really mild on violence. Its kind of like the minecraft of shooters.

From someone who begun playing violent videogames from the age of ~9 or 10, I'd argue that a child sees the battle royale aspect to simply be a game. In Fortnite, your task is to be the top 1 out of 100 players. I doubt kids see that as "Im going to butcher everyone who breathes", but as a challenge, to be the number 1 out of 100.

Edited November 6, 2020 by Hansu

[Onecirrus]

@vibv I think the discussions on this forum should be more substantive, this is more up r/askreddit's alley.

[PurpleTree]

7 minutes ago, Onecirrus said:

@vibv I think the discussions on this forum should be more substantive, this is more up r/askreddit's alley.

If it's not substantive enough for you or irritates you, you don't have to enter the topic or participate in it.

Why not just enter the "substantive" one's or create them yourself.

[Space]

@Onecirrus I think the OPs thread is fine in this sub forum. It's not creating any arguments or major issues so I see no reason to move it or lock for low quality. This is an important topic in our current times.

@Hsinav  Fortnite is one the least violent and toxic video games on the market. Just because they are shooting other players in the game doesn't mean your son is going to suddenly become a mass murderer. The idea that video games incite real world violence or cause players to be more aggressive was disproved many years ago. There is no evidence for it. 

You might find that the act of completely restricting your son's ability to play the game will have a detrimental effect on his social life and mental health. If you want to restrict his game time to a certain period in the day or a certain amount of hours per week thats fine, but I would say don't completely restrict him from doing it. If all of his friends are playing it, he wants to be social with them and fit in with them - this is very important. 

If his gaming becomes toxic, if he is playing constantly every hour of the day, then I would suggest intervening and restricting his total game time.

[Hsinav]

1 hour ago, Parththakkar12 said:

This is not a problem of the game per se, or getting conditioned by violent media. This is a problem of your son gravitating towards violent media if he does.

Generally, when a male (child or adult) gets really identified with a violent character in a video-game, it means that he doesn't feel empowered in his life to create what he wants. This can come up in revenge-fantasies, desire to be violent, being a bully at school, etc. This could be a response to getting bullied at school. It's very normal for boys.

If you'd like to do something about it, you can have his father coach him to be more empowered in his life. (I'm assuming you're his mother) If the problem is bullying, he can teach his son to fight, or get someone who knows to fight to teach him to fight so that he can fight bullies at school. This will help him feel more empowered in his life in general and he won't gravitate towards violent media that offer fantasies where you're empowered and violent.

I am his father and he's relatively empowered I think. I,m not afraid of that. I guess your right! 

[Hsinav]

1 hour ago, vibv said:

I can understand your argument about social exclusion.

You could allow it and observe if it does effect him in any negative way. Anyway, 8 is still really young.

If he wants to do it so much, it could also be argued that he will do it anyway - be it when he is with his friends or in secret. So maybe the best path forward here would be an honest talk with him about your own concerns, while also listening to his side, where you could also assert your stance.

I don't think a blank "ban" without reason and without his understanding of it is going to achieve much, if he is really determined to do it.

Thanks, agree, had some talks with him already! Yes he will play it anyway, just a matter of time. I just want to make clear where my standpoint is in this. 

[Just Do Nothing]

Don't worry it's just a game.