Sexual desire: asking directly vs trying to find out

[F A B]

I generally try to find out by myself what the girl I'm in bed with wants. I usually express my desires indirectly as well.

Yet, sometimes, I struggle both to understand what turns her on and to make what I want clear.

I was able to communicate openly about those desires only with girlfriends (or girls I dated multiple times).

I mean, from the "easy" stuff (orals, handjobs...) to the more advanced stuff (bondage, fetishes...).

At some level, I feel a resistance to talk openly about it because I used to think that, as a man, I'm supposed to discover and know everything naturally, without asking. Of course, this belief is affecting my sexual experience, so I'm trying to get rid of all the shit I have in my mind about how a man should behave in bed.

Do you think communication is key? 

Edited November 5, 2020 by F A B

[aurum]

2 hours ago, F A B said:

Do you think communication is key? 

Yes, the right communication can definitely enhance both of your experiences.

It's not just about the information you receive from her. It's that by showing a willingness to communicate about this, she is going to trust you a lot more. The more she trusts, the more she opens to you.

That said, your resistance is not completely unfounded. If your communication comes off as supplicating, that's not good. But I wouldn't worry about that. I think you'll be fine.

Try and see what happens.

[F A B]

@aurum Thank you dude!

As you guessed, supplicating is not my problem. Rather is the contrary, for example, about stuff like blowjob (sounds really bad on here, I'm sorry ???) I never ask or force things. When it happens, it is always on her initiative, otherwise I'm fine anyway.