Where’s the line?

[B222]

Images from Tao of Seneca: practical letters from a stoic master. 

I’m far from perfect and genuinely wanna learn and increase my understanding, maybe break through some old paradigms. 

I’m not accusing anyone or trying to make a point, rather trying to understand for myself the dynamic in friendships, which extends to family and lovers; where I might be going wrong and what’s acceptable and unacceptable. 

I’ve always had trouble communicating with people so I guess it’s led me to lie in some dark corners, other times I hold back in fear of being ridiculed but I guess I created my own cycle judging by these pages. Like if I accept one as a friend then I should be able to fully open, but I have friends who I still feel like I can’t share things with, which makes them not a true friend, but is this because they sense me being suspicious? There are two people in my life I trust fully and am fully open with. I’ve been more open the last couple years and it always seems to backfire. Heads a bit fucked on this one?

I’ve always valued trust between friends and my closest friends over the years have always said this is one my biggest qualities, that I can keep shit between us and I mostly do, have made some mistakes but don’t we all. My expectation is that what’s said between friends stays like that. When I see rumours being spread behind my back which is clear came from a ‘friend’ I feel that trust is broken. 

Had big realisations over the last year not to take things personally and lighten up a bit, have a joke man. It’s improving and I’m embodying it slowly, however there are still certain things that don’t feel right to me. I’ve cut a lot of people from my life over the last year or so, some deep connections lasting over 10 years, some family members and people who I’d only known a few months. Got me questioning deeper whether it’s just me, something I have to transcend. I’m surrendering to it easier lately and not holding much of a grudge, but what am I supposed to let in or keep away, where’s the line? 
 

Certain things I see is for my own good, maybe shining a light on something I need to work through, but I still think private conversations should stay private. I really don’t know where the line is. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this matter. 
 

Tell me what I need to hear wherever fits. 

 

Edited November 4, 2020 by B222

[Ethos]

The line is whatever you want it to be. Here's the deal, me, as a deep introvert, don't have many friends because I don't need to. Simple as that. The little friends I have know how I am, when I don't want to do something I say it, and they respect it. I don't like parties, big reunions, small talk. But they love me somehow, because of who I am, and that who I am have lot's to offer in their opinion. It could be comprehension, love, I don't know. When you don't feel ok with someone, slowly cut them from your life naturally. There are no rules, consciously at least. Just do what you want. When it comes to people, to grab those who might love you, you need to expose yourself to the public. Those who see and like who you are will stick, those who don't, won't. And you should do exactly the same. This is, what comes natural from you.

[Brittany]

The line doesn't exist. 

Because "friends" don't exist. LOL

"Friendship" is an illusion of the mind.

Anytime we say "THIS is more special than THAT" we are moving into illusion territory.

Friendship is a "hierarchy scale" that the mind uses to divide the "objects" in reality.

Friendship is one of the divisions the mind places on reality.

And then within friendships, we can create a million divisions like "good friends", "bad friends", "real friends", "fake friends", "friends I should keep", "friends I should walk away from".

The divisions are endless once you make the initial division of "friendship"

But none of the divisions are truth.