My partner ridicules my music taste

[Schnaby]

My partner doesn’t let me listen to the music I like in my own car, and mutes the radio as soon as he comes into my car. Later he will put on his music while I’m driving and start singing and enjoying himself. I love to watch him enjoy himself and get into his music, although I do not like some of his music—which I would not tell him, As I believe he is an individual and deserves to like or dislike whatever he wishes. It hurts my feelings that he doesn’t have the same respect for me. He’s expressed to me before how he feels bad for not giving his ex girlfriends music a chance and for always putting her down for liking country music. It hurts my feelings that he puts me down and shames me for the music I listen to, meanwhile there are several artist we both enjoy. I have been dating him for a while now and I don’t even think He knows any of my favorite artists that I like, which I don’t even care about anymore! I don’t care about sharing my music taste with him, but when I’m stuck on long car rides with him, while I’m driving around aimlessly, it would be nice for me to jam to some of my music as well. Whenever I bring this up, he has something negative to say about it. And tantrums off with yelling and hitting my car dashboard. I sit quiet to his tantrum and he calls me a child for wanting to play my music. I also don’t listen to top 100, and have been a crate digger my whole life, yet he calls me basic. How can I approach him to understand that I don’t want to hear anything negative about my music taste, when I’m just trying to listen to the music peacefully while driving with him. 

[Schnaby]

I am moving in with him soon, and I am worried that he won’t let me listen to music at our apartment. I am also a dancer, and have trained in dance for over 15 years. I certainly bust a groove with no music on, but the experience of listening to music while dancing moves the soul for me. I am worried that he will put me down, and say something along the lines that my dancing is low conscious or my music taste is, when neither of which is, as it moves the soul and moves my soul. I’m not sure how to bring this worry up to him. I see this to be abusive, but I do care about my partner, and want him to understand. 

[Average Investor]

14 minutes ago, Schnaby said:

And tantrums off with yelling and hitting my car dashboard.

This person sounds abusive. This is a major red flag to have that kind of behavior over some music. Imagine what he would do over a big disagreement.

17 minutes ago, Schnaby said:

How can I approach him to understand that I don’t want to hear anything negative about my music taste, when I’m just trying to listen to the music peacefully while driving with him. 

If someone is acting like that, you are going to have to tip toe around them to even get a point across. So literally begging to ENJOY something. Is that how you want to live your life? 

14 minutes ago, Schnaby said:

I am moving in with him soon, and I am worried that he won’t let me listen to music at our apartment.

I am just some guy on a forum, but I would be worried about much more the longer you stay with someone like that. 

I would recommend watching this and some other stuff. Take some time to really reflect on their behavior. 

 

[The0Self]

Sing aloud, and know his judgements don't matter, because neither do yours, or anyone's. If shame arises, well, it depends on your goals, but shame is the closest thing an unenlightened person can get to enlightenment. Not that you want that, so if it doesn't arise, even better. Fuck him, lol. Bless him.

[Schnaby]

@Average Investor @modmyth

thanks for your input and support. It is obvious as I reflect deeper into spirituality and even before that, that this behavior is unacceptable. I put down myself by allowing someone to treat me like this. And you’re right, there is no way to get my point across to him, and life is not meant to be tip toed around. I only put up with this abuse, as I’m dating a serious Jekyll and Hyde. My love for the goodness in him defeats all else. And despite me trying to lead by example, he’s putting out my flame. I will stand up for myself again, and not be put up on the shelf for his pleasure. 

[The0Self]

@Schnaby Imagine having a boyfriend that you saw as a manifestation of perfection. Have it as a reality in the next year or so.

[Average Investor]

@Schnaby I have been there before. I was a door mat for a good portion of my relationship I had previously. Not to say that I was perfect either. I wasn't even nearly as evolved. Those relationships can be addicting. It's up to you on how you want to proceed with it. The fact that you have even made these posts shows how much you are concerned about this though. 

I was very fortune not to get tied into an apartment with my ex. Them not paying for example could tarnish your renters history etc. It's a huge commitment to be with someone and sign a lease with them. Something to very seriously consider if you are having doubts and there is a big trail of abusive behavior. 

One of the more painful parts is breaking it off if you decide to. I felt sad for quite awhile after the fact. It also hurt to see another human suffering. It isn't like I hated her or something. The relationship was just dysfunctional and she had a lot of issues, but I did too. She was actually evolving a bit just by being with me. I was being gaslighted from her getting me to believe that other people would think I was a liar (She would habitually lie). She would treat me like crap and talk down to me and cuss at me. She had hit me once, but I told her I would immediately break it off if she did it again. The workload would have been immense to get her to improve herself enough to even have a healthy functional relationship with me. The best thing I ever did was leave that. It has catapulted my growth immensely.

I would suggest that you research domestic violence a bit too. 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_violence

Realizing what a cycle of this actual looks like will help you break out of the manipulation from it.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cycle_of_abuse

[Username]

@Schnaby

Sounds awful. I can imagine that music can be important for someone. He might not want to listen someone's else music - most people have a bad taste. Is this the only situation he acts this way?

 

Edited November 4, 2020 by Username

[EternalForest]

@Schnaby Sounds like he's being childish (I don't like using that word negatively, but it applies here), and controlling. This is going beyond music taste, it's a matter of personal respect. I don't know how seriously you want to take this relationship in the future, but if he won't even let you play a song in the car without having a temper tantrum, how will he compromise when more serious issues come along?

I'd seriously re-evaluate the relationship. You two need to talk.

[Applegarden]

@Schnaby Damn, if I HAD A RELATIONSHIP, WHERE MY MUSIC TASTE WAS COMPROMISED, THERE WOULD BE NO RELATIONSHIP, just because it's so intimate to me... And it will influence the music I will produce in the future.

[Darlisto]

Play it LOUDER in the morning when he's sleeping and make sure he can't put it off!