Is it even worth getting a girlfriend?

[Leo Gura]

@Strangeloop Stop speculating and go acquire direct experience of gf.

[Preety_India]

If a person truly loves you, you don't have to maintain them. 

I agree with Michael here. 

 

[Member]

20 hours ago, Strangeloop said:

I dont know amy thoughts?

Your goin to die anyway. Dunno, your choice, man.

[Strangeloop]

@Leo Gura Just take the leap, right? Well, I don't feel like it. Will suffer because of this. I will go and get direct experience of a girlfriend. :)]]]]]

[wesyasz]

22 hours ago, Thestarguitarist14 said:

What you are saying is a nice fantasy.  A good ideal.  It’s just not the reality.

I feel sorry for you.

[Thestarguitarist14]

9 minutes ago, wesyasz said:

I feel sorry for you.

Why?  Because I am speaking the truth?  99.99% of relationships are toxic.  

Edited November 3, 2020 by Thestarguitarist14

[intotheblack]

You sound like you are very emotionally unavailable... so you will attract someone who is either also emotionally unavailable or you will attract an anxiously attached type.
learn first about what you’re attachment style is.  if you want to attract a secure partner then you yourself should first become secure and emotionally open/available.  Otherwise it’s gonna lead to a toxic relationship.  One or the other will end up hurting, because one/both is afraid of intimacy.
It also sounds like you simply can’t be bothered to make effort in a relationship? What about if you found a girl who really cared for you, who just wanted to be loving towards you, and wants to grow together and simply be in the moment together ?   Are you open to that or does that seem frightening? 
 

[Strangeloop]

@intotheblack If I attracted the one who cared for me, I basically would be attracting my mother. And when she cares too much, I get distant from her. To some extent. Though recently we open up to each other more. Yes I don't want the burden of a relationship. Because the last time I cared for someone sincerily, I got rejected and we split ways. It wasn't meant to be.

Buuut, if someone does show up and shows me affection and compassion, I wouldn't mind it.

Though it does scare me a little bit, just being in the moment with a person. 

Can you elaborate on being emotionally available? Does it mean to show my emotions to a person, whatever that may be?

[F A B]

1 hour ago, Thestarguitarist14 said:

99.99% of relationships are toxic

Man, maybe you are the one who is attracting those toxic relationships if you truly believe that percentage.

I strongly disagree with that and I honestly think you are not helping anyone by giving these random numbers.

[Thestarguitarist14]

22 minutes ago, F A B said:

Man, maybe you are the one who is attracting those toxic relationships if you truly believe that percentage.

I strongly disagree with that and I honestly think you are not helping anyone by giving these random numbers.

Indeed.  But that doesn’t mean that the majority of relationships are not toxic.  The reason that 99.99% of relationships are toxic is because the majority of people are operating from the old dysfunctional relationship paradigm and are in deficiency consciousness.  
 

 

[F A B]

4 minutes ago, Thestarguitarist14 said:

Indeed.  But that doesn’t mean that the majority of relationships are not toxic.  The reason that 99.99% of relationships are toxic is because the majority of people are operating from the old dysfunctional relationship paradigm and are in deficiency consciousness.  
 

I mean, hearing that 99.99% of relationships are toxic can mislead guys who are willing to have one. Maybe they are pushed to quit because of that number, while I firmly believe they should try to experience a relationship on their own. So then they will draw their own conclusions.

[Thestarguitarist14]

33 minutes ago, F A B said:

I mean, hearing that 99.99% of relationships are toxic can mislead guys who are willing to have one. Maybe they are pushed to quit because of that number, while I firmly believe they should try to experience a relationship on their own. So then they will draw their own conclusions.

I mean, is it really that far from the truth.

And getting hit by a bus hurts right?  But you probably have not gotten hit by one.  So should you give that a try?

[Barbara]

Having a relationship for me helped me actualize 100% faster. A relationship can be a mirror for your ego depth, that you wouldn't otherwise see. There are so much insights that my relation gave me, and if you're both in spiritual and personal development it will be brutal. Better then psychedelics if you ask me

Edited November 3, 2020 by Barbara

[Thestarguitarist14]

14 minutes ago, Barbara said:

Having a relationship for me helped me actualize 100% faster. A relationship can be a mirror for your ego depth, that you wouldn't otherwise see. There are so much insights that my relation gave me, and if you're both in spiritual and personal development it will be brutal. Better then psychedelics if you ask me

Everyone is a mirror.  I dare say that you can learn a lot more by dating multiple women rather than being in a relationship.  
 

If it were not for my PUA phase I would have never gotten into spirituality.  If I had just gone on the path that I was going I would be the “normies”.

Edited November 3, 2020 by Thestarguitarist14

[F A B]

28 minutes ago, Thestarguitarist14 said:

I mean, is it really that far from the truth.

And getting hit by a bus hurts right?  But you probably have not gotten hit by one.  So should you give that a try?

Relationships are not buses.

If you got hurt by them I'm sorry. I got hurt by girls and friends too, but I got amazing benefits and rewards from them as well. It's part of the process.

If you don't want to engage in any kind of relationship it's completely fine, but please, let other people make their own decisions. 

[Barbara]

18 minutes ago, Thestarguitarist14 said:

Everyone is a mirror.

It's really not the same.. Having a boyf/gf it's different from any other relationship. Not saying better. But definitely deeper (if you allow it). Anyway, thats only my experience.

[Thestarguitarist14]

9 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

You seem to have a lot of prejudice and resistance towards relationships. There is perhaps something to explore .

Not all mirror are made equal. Some people are much better fits than others. As a matter of fact, great fits are quite rare.

Relationships aren't as much a quantity game than a quality one if I may say so.

Eh, I’m not opposed to relationships.  Just the old relationship paradigm and people’s willingness to participate in dysfunction. 

Everyone is you pushed out, so if you are already for example seeing from others that you have self worth issues, you getting into a relationship will just create a bigger mirror.  A mirror that you may want to shatter.

I agree with quality over quantity.  But specifically for men, dating a lot of different types of women is a very valuable thing.  
 

7 minutes ago, F A B said:

Relationships are not buses.

If you got hurt by them I'm sorry. I got hurt by girls and friends too, but I got amazing benefits and rewards from them as well. It's part of the process.

If you don't want to engage in any kind of relationship it's completely fine, but please, let other people make their own decisions. 

That is not what I am saying.  
 

This fallacy of “I have to experience it” does not make any sense.  Telling someone who only wants a relationship because of social pressure to give it a try is sending that person down the path to hell.  There have been plenty of men who have had bad relationships.  So why do you need to be one of them?

And bahaha.  I’m just a guy on an Internet forum.  I am not telling anyone to do anything.  Free will exist.  I’m just saying the truth.

5 minutes ago, Barbara said:

It's really not the same.. Having a boyf/gf it's different from any other relationship. Not saying better. But definitely deeper (if you allow it). Anyway, thats only my experience.

It can be deeper if both parties enter it whole.  That almost never happens.

Usually it is two people playing hide the wiener.  

[F A B]

@Thestarguitarist14 I don't think you got the truth. I respect your point of view anyway.

It would be interesting to know your background and what led you toward this resistance.

[Thestarguitarist14]

25 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

I'm not suggesting you are opposed to them, but that you are carrying some strong negative believe you'd be better off without.

Why are you saying that dating a lot of women can be a valuable thing?

Surely, it make sense as long as you are just dating  and none has caught your attention. If you've find someone whom you really resonate with, you just want to go into depth with him/her. The others become of very little interest as you don't have the same intimacy or bond.

I would not necessarily say that I believe that I am better off without them.  But, when I went to this acting school for one year they were very much into relationships at that school and I had a female teacher try to force her values onto me.  Before that point I just did not care scoot relationships.

But the biggest thing is that I see the same thing over and over again.  People thinking that a relationship is going to give them something.  That is not even the “correct“ way to go about them.  Most people believe that there is something there that there is not.  The divorce in the u.s plus countless of relationships that a toxic prove that.

As a guy it is important to not be attached to any woman (that is another thing that is wrong with relationships, two people get attached and say that they are in love) and to know what is out there.  I have dated shy women, intellectual women, artistic women, business/type A women, icy women, and etc.  That is a lot of valuable reference points.  A lot of ups and downs.  Taught me more than say I had been in a five year committed relationship.

As far as finding someone that you resonate with, I mean yeah, logically you would want to turn that into a relationship.  But sometimes even that will go to hell. 
 

I will say that a truly high value make is not seeking a relationship as they have only high quality women in their lives to begin with.  
 

@F A B What I am saying really is not that different from Buddhism.  I’m just being more blunt with it.  Buddhism says that relationships leave to suffering.  Check it out.  
 

And what I am saying is far more true than what most people expect a relationship to be.

Edited November 3, 2020 by Thestarguitarist14

[The0Self]

If you're a seeker who also happens to posses the meditation skill to enter jhana, having a girlfriend will seem completely useless, as jhana is about 100x more blissful and fulfilling than literally anything else, including sex and emotional connection. If you're beyond seeking fulfillment, having a girlfriend is a blessing beyond blessings. Holy fucking crap it's amazing.