Not My Problem

[spicy_pickles]

Hey all. 

How do you "let go" and stop worrying about issues that are not your problem?  

I would like to do this because I get way to involved emotionally and it gets me worked up and upset. 

Just an example (there's many more), my partner tells me something a family member wants him to do (such as pick them up and drive them to the store). He gets angry at these types of things and would say away from the situation that this person can easily take the bus.  When we are in the moment, he tells me this, I get worked up, I tell him to tell the family member to take the bus, and he just folds. He makes up a ton of reasons why he wont ask him to do this and will just go pick up the family member anyways. 

My partner gets frustrated over these things, i get frustrated, I tell him a reasonable thing to do to alleviate the situation, and he makes up excuses as to why he simply cannot do that. It's almost as if he wants the "problem" as opposed to solving it so he has something to complain about. 

 

[Mitch]

It could be that he does in fact want the problem. Depending on his childhood and the dynamic he has with his family, he might have learned subconsciously that complaining works and gets him what he wants.

Now, it is good that you can see this interplay between the two of you. What tends to work well in this sort of situation is to first notice when you start to get worked up. If you notice what is happening while is happens, you become more able to handle the situation in an empowering way.

Become intensely aware of what is happening in the present moment. Be aware of the sense perceptions and choose not to think. If you have a meditation practice, become present in the same way whenever you notice rising emotion.

By taking care of your own emotions, you will become more happy and more than likely your partner will respond with increased awareness as well.

[key]

In my experience I find, to 'let go' is to 'let be' 

Also every problem is always YOUR problem! YOU need to take responsibility for your own unhappiness, not blaming others. 

Edited September 1, 2016 by Kenya

[Robert66]

You could always just stop picking up what others throw down

[The Monk]

@spicy_pickles I believe that some people may also not solve their problems or difficult situations, as they may be proud of them, and like having them around as it gives them a lower sense of purpose, and therefore the lower self of ones mind may inevitably be holding on to these issues, instead of resolving them.

But, I would say the best things to do is to help to tackle the problem, as you will gain a deeper sense of fulfilment and satisfaction within yourself when the task or problem is complete, and will feel lighter and more happy, even if it's not you experiencing the problem. Try help in any way you can, but if can't and the problem is out of your hands, I would advise the person experiencing the problems or problem to see a specialist, as that may be the best possible solution. 

[MIARIVEL]

@spicy_pickles Hey Spicy Pickles, Its a funny thing when it comes to family. Sometimes as much as we get frustrated with them all the time doing things for them, we do it anyway simply because their family. 

I understand that when your partner is frustrated, you get frustrated to, but you have to sometimes just let things be as some things will be out of your control (as hard as it is sometimes). You have already spoken your peace to your partner and now it is up to them to choose accordingly what is right for them.

Its hard taking on other people's burdens especially when your around them a lot of the time and whatever affects them will affect you too but remind yourself that you have done everything you can do and say and now its up to the other person. Meanwhile you can work on bettering yourself instead of worrying about things out of your control. 

Hope this helped a bit for you.

[Tancrede Pouyat]

On 31.8.2016 at 2:04 PM, spicy_pickles said:

How do you "let go" and stop worrying about issues that are not your problem?  

To tell you the truth : I strongly believe that NOBODY knows how the fuck this shit is done.

It just kinda happens. You just kinda detach spontaneously, and then you're done.

One of the patterns that I've found in my life is the following : Problem => Agitate => Solve.

You're frustrated, that means you're in the Problem part, you're gonna do some stuff about it (that's the Agitate part), and then you're gonna solve it.

One last thing : This is helpful to me. Maybe it is to you, maybe it isn't.