How to resolve the fear of loving someone

[Kimasxi]

Hey, guys, could you help me out to deal with some stuff here? I told my good friend that I was woman-to-man interested in him, and he said "no thank you.". I want to be his friend but I see that whenever I look him in the eye I remind myself of hi "no" and then I become schizoid. Instead of showing him what I would naturally have shown (and what I did before rejection when I trusted it would go to a good place) for example that he's part of my tribe, I am happy to see him again and that I'd lovely spend time with him, I find myself doing the opposite, creating separation. I am kinda assuming the total rejection as a person, not as a role, and I reject myself at these potential situations where I could share good energy (I stopped doing that as a defense strategy). I feel I block some kind of flow. Probably because I am scared that by opening my heart to someone who will not reciprocate it the same way, I will become addicted to him and I will end up having a long lasting depressive episode. What can I do to recoup that flow and love him as a soul brother without the fear that my love will never be reciprocated? I want to walk the path of spiritual growth where the romantic rejection turns into the creation of superpowerful friendship. This is what I'd like to create in this Earth for other people to learn from it, as I am often inspired and learn from them when I see they have such a kind of psycological strength. And basically because otherwise the reality in which I'd have to live otherwise would be one where bonding is unsafe and irreperable.

Edited November 1, 2020 by Kimasxi

[Recursoinominado]

Love yourself fearlessly first.

[JosephKnecht]

Fear and love are diametrically opposed emotions. You can't resolve the fear of loving, since if there was truly loving, there won't be any fear. 

Your fear is that your love won't be requited, and that is a valid fear. To overcome this fear you must love yourself first to the same extent you are loving the guy.

[Nahm]

2 hours ago, Kimasxi said:

Hey, guys, could you help me out to deal with some stuff here? I told my good friend that I was woman-to-man interested in him, and he said "no thank you.". I want to be his friend but I see that whenever I look him in the eye I remind myself of hi "no" and then I become schizoid. Instead of showing him what I would naturally have shown (and what I did before rejection when I trusted it would go to a good place) for example that he's part of my tribe, I am happy to see him again and that I'd lovely spend time with him, I find myself doing the opposite, creating separation. I am kinda assuming the total rejection as a person, not as a role, and I reject myself at these potential situations where I could share good energy (I stopped doing that as a defense strategy). I feel I block some kind of flow. Probably because I am scared that by opening my heart to someone who will not reciprocate it the same way, I will become addicted to him and I will end up having a long lasting depressive episode. What can I do to recoup that flow and love him as a soul brother without the fear that my love will never be reciprocated? I want to walk the path of spiritual growth where the romantic rejection turns into the creation of superpowerful friendship. This is what I'd like to create in this Earth for other people to learn from it, as I am often inspired and learn from them when I see they have such a kind of psycological strength. And basically because otherwise the reality in which I'd have to live otherwise would be one where bonding is unsafe and irreperable.

Sometimes we hold ourselves apart from this love, and use other people to justify doing so. There is a heaven, and love reminds you always. There is a hell, and love reminds you always. Peace is always listening. Meditation is the middle way. 

“The minute I heard my first love story,
I started looking for you, not knowing
how blind that was.
Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere,
they’re in each other all along…”

Rumi

 

Psychological strength is the willingness to let a single thought go.

Be, and in being, you are heart-strong. 

[Gesundheit]

@Kimasxi Stop hanging around that person. He's toxic to you, even if it's unintentional, but it's still the case for you. The easy solution is to let go and cut him out of your life for good until you forget about him and find someone else who is more into you. It's not that you fear loving him. It's that you're attached to his approval of you, which shows the lack of self-worth that you suffer from. So you can work on loving yourself as you are and have a healthy relationship with your self-image, but most people find it difficult. If you can do it, then great because it's the best solution.

[Kimasxi]

6 hours ago, Gesundheit said:

@Kimasxi Stop hanging around that person. He's toxic to you, even if it's unintentional, but it's still the case for you. The easy solution is to let go and cut him out of your life for good until you forget about him and find someone else who is more into you. It's not that you fear loving him. It's that you're attached to his approval of you, which shows the lack of self-worth that you suffer from. So you can work on loving yourself as you are and have a healthy relationship with your self-image, but most people find it difficult. If you can do it, then great because it's the best solution.

Nope, I don't need his approval. I've got approval from other people. I want to be his friend. I am not into cutting people off because of romantic rejection. It is not a good reason to cut people off in my opinion. But thank you for your good intention to help me. :-)

[Gesundheit]

5 minutes ago, Kimasxi said:

Nope, I don't need his approval. I've got approval from other people. I want to be his friend. I am not into cutting people off because of romantic rejection. It is not a good reason to cut people off in my opinion. But thank you for your good intention to help me. :-)

Sorry I wasn't helpful. Good luck.

[tsuki]

45 minutes ago, Kimasxi said:

 I am not into cutting people off because of romantic rejection. It is not a good reason to cut people off in my opinion.

@Kimasxi I'm afraid that you will have to move this opinion aside because it obstructs your view of yourself.

You opened up to him, got rejected, and are now trying to act as if nothing happened. It happened and you are hurt. You are withdrawing and avoiding to protect yourself. You are trying to get the relationship back to the point it was before the confession to avoid losing a friend that you need.

Rejections are scary and painful. There is no shame in taking a step back to take care of yourself. You are worth it.

Have a wonderful day.

Edited November 2, 2020 by tsuki

[GabbyD]

It is specific topic