Rant.I absolutely hate my little cousin

[egoeimai]

I can't express how I hate when people believe such huge things about themselves! First and foremost they are putting all of us down just by believing this. Get it? That's ridiculous omg. But ofc if I had healthy self esteem I wouldn't even care for this sabotaging game! Anyway let's not focus on that. Thing is she is out of my life and I'm doing good. I will absolutely grow emotionally taking steps to my happiness achieving my goals and she can lick my a**. Lol

[Preety_India]

@egoeimai  I just found an extremely helpful video on how to deal with toxic people. It explains how to deal with narcissistic personalities like your cousin and my ex boyfriend who go around bragging and hurting people to feel better. 

She lays down a lot of wonderful points. 

 

Summary of her points

? They know exactly what to say to prey on your emotions

? You might feel emotionally charged or upset while dealing with them but this is nothing but stooping down to their level. There is no point in telling them that they are wrong because they won't listen. You just shouldn't take on their negative energy on you. Instantly rub them away. 

? When you feel hurt, they feel victorious because they feel a sense of power in knowing that they hurt you. 

? You need to focus on yourself and understand whatever that toxic person is saying is a lie and nothing to do with it. It shows more who they are and not you.. 

? Even if it hurts you, try not to take what they say personally because it will keep hurting you more if you repeat it in your mind. 

?They have negative energy inside of them that they unload on others.. 

?IT'S easy to get emotional. But don't do that. Walk away from such people. 

? If you have an interaction with such a person, just hang up on them and tell them that you gotta go, they can say that you can't handle things but what they say does not matter. Get away from them instantly. 

? Such people are button pushers. 

? You just have to tell them that you are not going to be  around someone who speaks to you in that way. 

? When someone who is a button pusher they know exactly what to say that will make you feel vulnerable or sad or upset. They know where your wounds are. 

?You need to know your wounds and triggers. Because that way you will able to filter such people much quicker because you are aware what hurts you and if they say exactly that then you can immediately walk away. 

?You have to be able to love yourself through your wounds. 

?Instead of reacting, respond by being straightforward and laying down your boundaries. 

?Have an inner dialogue with yourself. 

?This is not just emotional mastery. But learning to Armour yourself against abusive behavior and disengage with someone who is hurting you. 

?You have to know and be aware of your audience that is the people that you interact with. 

?If you feel anger, mask that anger and not let them know that you're angry. Don't give them their victories. Be strict and walk away and hold yourself high. 

?Don't let them get a rise out of you. 

?You can keep a boundary like "hey, when you speak to me this way, I leave. I'm not dealing with this " 

? You have to treat these people like children because these people are being a child. 

?Learning to love yourself while someone is hurting you rather than getting reactive and emotional. 

?You're basically telling that person that they can say whatever they want but you're not tolerating this kind of behavior. 

?Either set a boundary and tell them to follow or just leave and drop them from your life. 

 

Hope this helps. 

Edited November 8, 2020 by Preety_India

[egoeimai]

8 hours ago, Preety_India said:

@egoeimai  I just found an extremely helpful video on how to deal with toxic people. It explains how to deal with narcissistic personalities like your cousin and my ex boyfriend who go around bragging and hurting people to feel better. 

Thank you very much! I'm so glad I let her go 

We talked on the phone, I was speaking normally without shouting without trying to insult her and she did the exact opposite to me. I was... Wtfff and then I told her who are you to talk to me like this? And she ended the call. Haha what a total b*tch omg.

Couldn't believe in what happened. She then texted my sister and said what's up with her? (me) "what's the problem with your sister? (me) and my sister said" your attitude " and she said" if she doesn't like my attitude then she shall not talk to me ever again " looool what a b*tch omgggg haha what a childish brat! She's trying to justify her attitude to my sister and be okay with what she does, she tries to find someone (my sis) to comfort her with her b*tchy actions. But guess what! My sis believes exactly the same as I do! 

8 hours ago, Preety_India said:

She lays down a lot of wonderful points. 

 

Summary of her points

? They know exactly what to say to prey on your emotions

. 

8 hours ago, Preety_India said:

? You might feel emotionally charged or upset while dealing with them but this is nothing but stooping down to their level.

. 

8 hours ago, Preety_India said:

 

There is no point in telling them that they are wrong because they won't listen. You just shouldn't take on their negative energy on you. Instantly rub them away. 

Exactly what I did! I let her go. I saw there was nothing to do to be at peace with her / be at the same level and understand each other. We are very different and there's no way we will vibe. 

8 hours ago, Preety_India said:

? When you feel hurt, they feel victorious because they feel a sense of power in knowing that they hurt you. 

I can see that every time I communicate with her. The situation was hopeless. There was nothing I could do, nothing to say to her. Glad I let her go. 

8 hours ago, Preety_India said:

? You need to focus on yourself and understand whatever that toxic person is saying is a lie and nothing to do with it. It shows more who they are and not you..

 

I was always hurt by her attitude. All this hurt my heart handled, so many years of hurt, for no reason!!!!just to have a shit*y person in your life just because she is your cousin!!! For what? I've put an end on this and I'm gonna live my life to the fullest now!

8 hours ago, Preety_India said:

 

? Even if it hurts you, try not to take what they say personally because it will keep hurting you more if you repeat it in your mind. 

I tried for so many years and failed miserably. 

8 hours ago, Preety_India said:

?They have negative energy inside of them that they unload on others.. 

She will live with her demons now. She just lost a person to whom she can project her insecurities lol 

8 hours ago, Preety_India said:

?IT'S easy to get emotional. But don't do that. Walk away from such people. 

Yaaas

8 hours ago, Preety_India said:

? If you have an interaction with such a person, just hang up on them and tell them that you gotta go, they can say that you can't handle things but what they say does not matter. Get away from them instantly. 

She does say a lot of shit. Me leaving is going to help me and only me. Lol she will continue living her way and projecting on to other victims. 

8 hours ago, Preety_India said:

? Such people are button pushers. 

? You just have to tell them that you are not going to be  around someone who speaks to you in that way. 

. 

8 hours ago, Preety_India said:

? When someone who is a button pusher they know exactly what to say that will make you feel vulnerable or sad or upset. They know where your wounds are. 

Exactly. All that she does. A total b*tch

8 hours ago, Preety_India said:

?You need to know your wounds and triggers. Because that way you will able to filter such people much quicker because you are aware what hurts you and if they say exactly that then you can immediately walk away. 

?You have to be able to love yourself through your wounds. 

?Instead of reacting, respond by being straightforward and laying down your boundaries. 

?Have an inner dialogue with yourself. 

?This is not just emotional mastery. But learning to Armour yourself against abusive behavior and disengage with someone who is hurting you. 

?You have to know and be aware of your audience that is the people that you interact with. 

?If you feel anger, mask that anger and not let them know that you're angry. Don't give them their victories. Be strict and walk away and hold yourself high. 

?Don't let them get a rise out of you. 

?You can keep a boundary like "hey, when you speak to me this way, I leave. I'm not dealing with this " 

? You have to treat these people like children because these people are being a child. 

?Learning to love yourself while someone is hurting you rather than getting reactive and emotional. 

?You're basically telling that person that they can say whatever they want but you're not tolerating this kind of behavior. 

?Either set a boundary and tell them to follow or just leave and drop them from your life. 

 

Hope this helps. 

 

[Barbara]

I'm sorry, maybe I'm the only one, but I don't think cutting her off will resolve anything here. It would be an external answer, to a problem that is yours only. If she triggers so much anger and rage in you, it's something you have to fix within yourself. She can be whatever she wants, but you are the one who is letting that something you can't control, actually control you. Take responsibility. 

- Understand why she is that way, not so you can try and change her, but so you can be more empathic and accept her. You will be the only one benefiting from this, believe me. Know that you cannot command her in any way. You only can command yourself.
- Do not cut her off... That will only lead to you putting more negative energy towards her. What you can simply do is not giving the importance you're giving to her behavior. Understand that she is the person who gets more harmed by her attitudes. You will only get harmed if you let so, if you give the importance you're giving. 
- If she's 18, she will grow eventually, and so will you. Compromising your relationship over this, may bring you some regrets in the future. 
- Maybe if I talked to your cousin she would also have complaints about you. But does this really matter? Does it actually say anything about you? So why are you giving so much importance to your opinion about her? That's a self-bias. Work from there.

I reiterate, your issue with your cousin it's not about her. It's about you. Learn a little bit from yourself from this. In your life, there will be many unpleasant people, that sometimes you cannot cut off, and learning how to deal with them, will only be good for you. Take this as a challenge. Don't let your well-being on other person's hand. Be compassionate, strategic, and the higher person here.
I wish you the absolute best 

[Someone here]

Not a big deal. Either cut your interactions with her or reduce them. And either way accept that that's the way she is and move on. 

Edited November 8, 2020 by Someone here

[egoeimai]

@Barbara thank u for your opinion. I absolutely agree there's a problem in me but too many on her side. I'm definitely out of her life! 

7 hours ago, Someone here said:

Not a big deal. Either cut your interactions with her or reduce them. And either way accept that that's the way she is and move on. 

I've accepted she is how she is. But I don't want her in my life. 

 

27 minutes ago, Keyhole said:

If she's 18 years old, then she's still just a child and teenagers by nature are narcissists, they haven't developed into adults yet.

I can't sit and wait for her to change. I'm almost 27  and I'm going to work on myself and her being in my life only triggers negative emotions and cycles. I'm not gonna be happy around her and evolve. There's no time to waste on her. I don't care what she is as she didn't even care about me ever and my triggers. Everytime it is about her and her life, she doesn't care about others. That's negative on its own. She doesn't have people to love and care for. 

27 minutes ago, Keyhole said:

Dealing with that can be really frustrating, though - and can be trying on your patience, for sure

Yes not only trying my patience. Trying my emotional response

27 minutes ago, Keyhole said:

I don't know what the solution is.  The ideal spiritual solution would be to accept her without judgment and love her, but if this is not something you're capable of doing then you don't have to stay around someone who is stressing you out.

I'm far from that. This would be ideal but I'm too far. 

27 minutes ago, Keyhole said:

However my advice is to look into yourself and see if there are some aspects of her within you because nearly every judgment has a piece of a part of you that you have disowned in yourself. 

I already know this. And thought about solutions before. But this is going to be temporary only and bring up the problem later. 

27 minutes ago, Keyhole said:

 

I don't know why that is and it's really annoying that it's that way, but it seems to almost be a golden rule.

Good luck and hopefully your cousin grows out of it and can let go of her arrogance and accept herself for who she is. 

 

[DIDego]

@egoeimai Today all this maybe are not the answer you seek, consider to read it a couple times, different times and energy level during a day, can also impact how to deal with stuff, to ensure that not your current state gives a sort of one-sided view.  Hope you seek help to find solutions and not only want to us to "say what you want to hear".  

8 hours ago, Barbara said:

I'm sorry, maybe I'm the only one, but I don't think cutting her off will resolve anything here. It would be an external answer, to a problem that is yours only. If she triggers so much anger and rage in you, it's something you have to fix within yourself. She can be whatever she wants, but you are the one who is letting that something you can't control, actually control you. Take responsibility. 

- Understand why she is that way, not so you can try and change her, but so you can be more empathic and accept her. You will be the only one benefiting from this, believe me. Know that you cannot command her in any way. You only can command yourself.
- Do not cut her off... That will only lead to you putting more negative energy towards her. What you can simply do is not giving the importance you're giving to her behavior. Understand that she is the person who gets more harmed by her attitudes. You will only get harmed if you let so, if you give the importance you're giving. 
- If she's 18, she will grow eventually, and so will you. Compromising your relationship over this, may bring you some regrets in the future. 
- Maybe if I talked to your cousin she would also have complaints about you. But does this really matter? Does it actually say anything about you? So why are you giving so much importance to your opinion about her? That's a self-bias. Work from there.

I reiterate, your issue with your cousin it's not about her. It's about you. Learn a little bit from yourself from this. In your life, there will be many unpleasant people, that sometimes you cannot cut off, and learning how to deal with them, will only be good for you. Take this as a challenge. Don't let your well-being on other person's hand. Be compassionate, strategic, and the higher person here.
I wish you the absolute best 

 

[egoeimai]

@DIDego dude, this problem goes for yearssss now. It's not something new for me. I've thought about all that before. 

[Someone here]

12 hours ago, egoeimai said:

I've accepted she is how she is. But I don't want her in my life. 

OK get rid of her From your life if you can. 

[Gesundheit]

12 hours ago, egoeimai said:

@Barbara 

I can't sit and wait for her to change.

I could do that ?

??

[egoeimai]

@Keyhole thank u ❤️?yess

@Someone here I can lol

@Gesundheit could u? Well done then! 

[Preety_India]

@egoeimai @Keyhole

Love both of you. You gals are awesome. 

[Someone here]

11 hours ago, egoeimai said:

 I can lol

Perfect. Do it then. Proplem solved? 

[egoeimai]

4 hours ago, Preety_India said:

@egoeimai @Keyhole

Love both of you. You gals are awesome. 

Love u too ❤️?